My fiancee is always worrying and unhappy, how can I help her?

Question

She used to be so happy until I proposed to her. She accepted but now when I talk to her some days she will just be mad at me and constantly worrying about our wedding, that it is not going to be perfect enough. It is not everyday, but sometimes she is just completely miserable and makes me feel really bad.

She knows I am not a rich man and I have a mortgage to keep up with, and says she will try and limit what she wants to spend but sometimes she just make me feel terrible about it.

She thought I was trying to get by with spending as little money as possible on our wedding which is somewhat true, the last issue was that she wanted a full meal for a hundred plus guests. Sandwiches were suggested as an alternative to save money, big mistake though.

It is still three months away and I really thought this would be a happy time,. She is not a bitter old shrew or anything, but now I am just miserable. Maybe this whole idea was a stupid mistake

Answer 1

Weddings suck, man--I feel your pain. Who is she trying to impress? What is the purpose of all the trappings and show? Isn't the wedding for the two of you to show your love and level of commitment to each other? If you want to share this most intimate moment with friends and family do you really have 100 close friends and family that need to be fed a sit-down dinner to celebrate?

If this whole thing is stressing her out to the point that she isn't herself is it really worth it? Have you asked her why she seems to be so unhappy? Maybe it's time to bail if she can't respect your input and efforts to do what you are trying to do to meet her expectations.

I'm all for eloping. We did and it was wonderful. Oh sure, there were a few people who felt slighted that we didn't tell them, but whose business is it but ours anyway?

Good luck with all of this!

Answer 2

Naw, it ain't stupid. She just wishes to have the perfect wedding, as most brides do, while you're footing the bill (That's part of what they think is perfect.). I mean, no bride looks forward to getting married in a 12x10 room with an Elvis lookalike reading the vows. I recommend doing it in a scenic area, like, if you're in Oregon, Silver Falls State Park isn't a bad place to do it. California, Across the bay from San Franscisco near the Golden Gate Bridge. Montana or Wyoming, go to Yellowstone National Park (and try to set it so that when the preacher says "You may kiss the bride" and you start kissing, Old Faithful will go off at the same moment.).
Utah, Nevada, or Arizona, The Grand Canyon. Idaho or Eastern Oregon? Do it at Hells Canyon National Park. Just places like that, outdoors, where it's scenic and pretty. She'll eat it up. And it's much cheaper than doing it at a church.
Also, use home cooking instead of catering and spending thousands. You could do a potluck dinner, or maybe Mama wants to do the honors of cooking a bird, and maybe Grany wants to do candied yams. Instead of buying special silverware and plates, Dixie plates and regular forks and knifes from the Dollar store will do nicely.

Congratulations, and good luck at the wedding!

Answer 3

Are you sure you want to marry her with her constant worrying and bickering? She sounds like she is not ready to marry because of her actions she is showing you now. She is already showing you red flags by making you feel terrible about the limit of her spending. She doesn't understand that you are just trying to budget because you have a mortgage to pay.

I don't think she is ready to handle any kind of financial situation if you two were to marry. Why? Because look what she is doing to you now? She is making you feel guilty when you haven't done anything wrong. Is this who you want to marry?

Plus, who says that you need to have this big, big wedding with all the decor? Not sure how long you have known her, but if you two get married, then you two need to work on agreements with one another.

If you really want to save money, don't marry her just yet, OR don't marry her at all. Get to know her more for 2-3 years, and if she is still the same way, then you will know that she is not 'wife material'. You will be saving yourself a lot of heart ache.

Answer 4

Oh dear, dear, dear. I JUST got married, my poor husband...
I was no bridezilla, trust me, but there is a lot of pressure from EVERYWHERE. Planning a wedding is super difficult, not that you don't understand that but... I changed a lot, got mean, but only because I felt like I had everything to do and nothing was getting done.

YOUR FUTURE WIFE IS NORMAL. We all freak-out and break down. Just try to be as supportive as possible, and when things like money come up reason things out, don't argue, REASON. If you can make cuts in other places (we sacrificed cable/internet for awhile) do it.

Try to get as involved as you can, without stepping on her toes. Support, support, support... And when she is worried about something, use reason again. Explain how things will be okay or how it is impossible (TONE IS EVERYTHING; don't argue).

And one of the best peices of advice I got was that it will not be perfect no matter what. Something will go wrong, period. You just have to remember WHY the two of you are doing it and be happy with that...PLUS the advantage of things going wrong are the memories they create. The mistakes may not be fun at the time, but it is something you and your guest will remember (I don't know if that makes sense but...trust me) and hopefully laugh very loudly about in the future (as you tell your children, grandchildren, ect).

Good luck and remember the most important thing is communication. Don't let ANY of her sour moods spoil you, one of you has to be happy...

Answer 5

First off I don't believe you made a mistake, you obviously care deeply for this woman to have proposed to her. Maybe you should sit down with her and each of you plan what you foresee would be an attainable, money wise, and ideal wedding for both of you. After that compare what you both have and see if there are any similarities and if not see how you can compromise. You have to keep in mind this day/even t is for both of you. So it's important that you be involved with the planning as well. Perhaps he's stressed because she may feel overwhelmed with the planning. Good luck. Remember it's whatever makes both of you happy and not so much what makes other happy.

Answer 6

First of all... the parents of the bride are supposed to pay for the wedding and the reception.

Instead of handing her a blank check and hoping she can keep it down, give her a solid figure to stick within.
Eliminate all confusion.
She clearly needs to scale back.
100+ guests for a sit-down dinner is insane... why feed the masses?

I think that it is far more logical to spend the money on a NICE honemoon trip instead... approach her about that one.

What I would suggest would be to have a much more scaled-down ceremony in whichever of the parents' houses has the largest living room, or the nicest garden... or find a clubhouse somewhere to rent.
You don't have to go whole-hog on the catering.
Serve lots of nice dips and have trays of cheeses and meats, and different kinds of breads... this really can be done in a classy way. You can arrange for all that at the local grocery store, and have a bakery make a really nice pair of cakes.

My older sister paid for a simple, scaled down, immediate family ceremony at their church... they had a deal where if it stayed at 25 people and below, you didn't need to hire their wedding planner ($$$). My sister promised that if the marriage lasted 5 years, she would send the bride and groom off on a NICE honeymoon. Turns out they were divorced inside of 3 years.

Answer 7

Damn that is very immature of her, she should be happy a responsible man that loves her wants to marry her. I'll tell you what I've married a long time, the best advice I can give a man is that if you really want to know what type of person you are marrying, see how she reacts when there is financial issues. It sounds like she is close to bailing on her own, that is not a good sign. Have a serious talk with her, tell her that this is a serious problem for you and that she needs to tell you what she is thinking and feeling that way you guys can decide if marriage is the right thing for you both right now. BTW if you do decide to get married don't have kids right away.

Answer 8

Duuuuuude! How long have you been planning your wedding? A few months? A year?
Know how long she's been planning her wedding? ALL HER LIFE, DUUUUUUDE!! That is why she is stressing! A girl plans her wedding all her life from about age 5, and the reality that this is finally happening is sinking in! That is why she wants the day that she has been dreaming about her whole life to be so perfect!

Not sure if this helped, Duuuuuude, but just wanted you to try to see things from her perspective, Duuuuuude!

Answer 9

She is just stressing...because she wants that day to be perfect, nothing wrong with that..Just sit down with her and tell her that she doesn't need to worry ..whatever kind of food you decide on will be fine..
It's not everyday a girl gets married and there are alot of things that go into planning a wedding..Thats why a lot of people elope , so they won't have to deal with all the preparations that go along with it...Tell her to relax and that you love her and that everything will be fine ...and that you can't wait for her to be your wife..but don't cancel it , she will get past it ..Just love her and everything will be alright

Answer 10

RUN Wylie. QUICK! This lady will NOT get better...just worse.
Try this ok? Tell your fiance that you are under the impression that you are not 'good enough" for her, and suggest a "cooling off period" to give her enough space to decide if you are the "right man" for her. Tell her that this whole wedding thing has become too stressful for her as her expectations of it have become way out of proportion.
Then stick to it and wait for her to "cave"....if she really loves you she will. If not she will be calling you a cheap-skate to anyone who will listen.....
I know that you love this lady...but this thing is making you miserable...envision what the next 3 years of marriage will like with her demands and criticisms.