I am 3-months pregnant and my mother-in-law is driving me crazy with her stupid comments.....?

Question

she says i should not complain about my nausea or other discomforts as its all part of the deal (very rudely) and says 'no big deal...we've had children too.....' I absolutely hate it as this is my first baby and I am pretty excited about it. She just wants to trivialize my feelings about my pregnancy. I husband argues with me if I try and tell him how she is behaving. I can't even stop crying and stressing as this is a weekly programme where she has to make some such stupid comment. I don't know how to handle this on my own without my husband's support (actually his anger with me!!) I think this stress and crying is surely going to affect my baby. Suggest a way out of this madness please!!

I am not the complaining types. My hubby doesn't even know most of the time when i am puking my guts out. My in-laws want all the details of how I am feeling and then when I get too comfortable and actually tell them 'ya, couldn't sleep all nite...or have no energy as have been puking too often' then there she went berserk.......why do they inquire if they are not interested in knowing!!!!!

Answer 1

Relax. You are not the first person with this problem. First of all, try to understand where your feelings are coming from; your hormones are all over the place, and every little thing is going to feel like the end of the world. Not to mention the fact that you feel like *%$#. Forget about your husband taking sides. It's not gonna happen, so don't put him in a corner like that. Besides, he has NO freaking idea how you feel right now. I think your mother-in-law is weirdly jealous. My advice is to avoid talking to her about your pregnancy. Unless you live with her, this should be something you can do. Share your feelings with people who are excited for you, and can HELP you with the challenges of pregnancy. (Sometimes thats your husband, sometimes not...)

Being pregnant, ESPECIALLY the first time IS a big deal. You're sick, constipated, TIRED, and really moody! You need to talk to other pregnant women who can sympathize with what you're going through. Also, spend some time on babycenter.com. It will help you feel much more normal, and you can chat with people in your same situation. Good luck, to you, and don't worry you will start feeling much better very soon. BTW, the stress and crying is not affecting your baby, just your sanity.

Answer 2

She must be the miracle woman, since everyone I know has felt like this during pregnancy. Your hormones are going up and down. You're going to have regular times of crying and nauceous feelings. Since you're going to cry anyways,
why not ask her if she "Feels better about putting you down."
Try not to argue with your husband, he's between a brick and a hard wall. He's obviously close to his mother and doesn't want to see her faults, of which she has many.
Everytime she belittles you, come out and say.
"Now does that make you feel better saying that?"
No big deal indeed, well it is. No one person feels the same way during pregnancy or maybe some illness.
Dying is part of life too, or does she know this.
Just try once, you can tell a person off politely.
This woman needs it. "Now why would you say something like that MOTHER." might catch her off guard for a few minutes, let her go complaining to your husband.
You only asked a simple question. Why?
Babies have been known to hear things while inside the womb. Feeling of warmth, sercurity.
"Mother you surely don't want to make our baby insecure."
Throw the questions as polite as you can, every time.
"It's just a question MOM, surely you have the answers."
"I always come to you for advice."
Stone her witIh honey and cookies.
Stay well, and know you're not alone.
I'll be thinking of you, honest. We've all had trials and tribulations with our mother-in-laws. Once they get over
the jealousy of the attention being taken from them, well maybe not, mine never did. Oh well, such is life.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear about this. I would guess this isn't the only topic your mother-in-law and you have conflicts over. I suppose the next time you feel nauseated, calmly barf in her lap like Pres. Bush's dinner in Japan (link below) and just mention that it's no big deal :)

But seriously, perhaps you can avoid mentioning how you're really feeling in front of your mother-in-law since you know you aren't going to get reassurance from her on this. Save your confiding of how you're really feelings for others.

Refocus her attention. There are plenty of considerations that you will "need her experienced advice on", such as fixing up the nursery, cloth vs. disposable diapers, type of music for the baby, selecting a baby car seat, breast pumps, and even schools the baby will go to. If you can manage this, hopefully you'll have more constructive conversations with her.

Best wishes!

Answer 4

Don't see or talk to your mother in law. It's pretty much that simple. You don't have to put up with her doing and saying things that upset you so if she does it just ignore her and walk away.

That being said, she is right to a degree. Every pregnant woman (especially first time moms) wants to talk about their pregnancy like they are the only woman in the world who has ever had a baby and like nothing else going on in anyone else's life has any importance because *she* is having a baby. It doesn't make you a bad person to feel or think that way (most of it is hormones), but it *does* get annoying to other people-MILs and husbands alike.

Try to remember that for every single person in the world there was once a pregnant woman...that helps put it into perspective.

Answer 5

I would say something to her...don't fight with your husband about it, he probably feels like he's stuck in the middle. The next time she says something like "no big deal...we've had children too..." Tell her politely, "Yes, I know, but this is my first, so I'm pretty excited about it all." And if she still trivializes what you're going through, ask her if she was excited about her first pregnancy...if she says yes, tell her she wouldn't have liked it if someone acted like her first pregnancy was no big deal. It might cause a bit of tension for a little while, but it will pass. Don't let her make you feel bad, or sad...it's not good for you or your unborn baby. Stand up for yourself and realize that you're not just standing up for you, it's also for the good of your child. Do it for your baby, and screw whoever gets mad at you for it. You deserve to enjoy every little bit of the pregnancy, even if the things you talk about don't seem like anything major. It's YOUR pregnancy, not hers. Good luck!

Answer 6

You could always tell your mother-in-law that if she doesn't stop stressing you out then you'll just have to smoke a joint to relax. Now imagine her reaction - funny right? Feeling less stressed?

Don't share with her all the details, keep it boring and civil. Save the excitment and details for your girlfriends. You have the right to be excited. This is a new experience and quite honestly no one really shares what its truly like so you can be caught of guard by some of the surprises.

I suggest reading "Belly Laughs" and "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" you'll laugh and decrease the stress. Also you might want to journal some of your thoughts and feelings.

Be happy...you're about to enter the fellowship of motherhood.

Answer 7

There isn't much you can do to change your MIL but you can change your reaction to her comments. Remember, she is your husband's mother and if say anything negative about her to him, that won't be received very well! A wise wife will make a good friend of her MIL. She's probably excited too about having a grandchild to love. She wants to share in your excitement but perhaps lacks the skill to be more polite. Try asking her advice on things pertaining to pregnancy, saying something like "You've been through it. How did you deal with the sleeplessness? The nausea? " Make her feel a part of it. My grandpa always said, "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

Answer 8

Firstly...Congratulations!

Now the best way to deal with this mother-in-law is to be polite. When she asks how you are feeling then just tell her you are fine. That the pregnancy is going well. Don't give her a chance to make snarky comments.

In regards to your husband he has a difficult choice too. He is trying to make both of you happy and that is an impossible job. Yes he should be more supportive of you, but if his mother is whispering nasty things in his ear and he is not hearing your side of it then who is he going to believe? Get him some books. Make it a joint learning project. If you can educate him then maybe the things that his mother is saying will have less power.

Answer 9

Well, the way I see it, it swings both ways. Now, the part that is YOUR fault really isn't your fault as it is your hormones. Several of my family members had kids, and one of them (my cousin in law) sparked World War III about who was going to the store to get her some grapefruit and a jar of pickles. (Poor Aunt Dorane. She had to come home from work to be referee.) Anyway, that's nothing a little estrogen and an Advil can't handle.

The other part, HER fault, is instead of offering you help (as I should imagine she was once pregnant too, or else she wouldn't be your in law), she chooses to one up you on this. Why she hasn't offered help to you and lending a little personal experience is beyond me. Ask her if there's anything you should do, or if she can help you with some of the symptoms. There's no reason why she can't lend a helping the woman who's bearing her grandchildren.

Congratulations on your baby, by the way.

Answer 10

Hit the health food store and get some evening primrose oil gelcaps and take one with every meal... helps with a lot of the symptoms. Get some papaya tablets to suck on... they will help with the nausea. The health food stores may have other good, tested products for your particular situation, too.

You are going to have to claim your territory, hon.
Too bad you didn't get to see this coming or you wouldn't have bothered marrying a guy that hasn't cut the apron strings (or the umbilical cord).
You are now the mama, and "if the mama ain't happy, then NOBODY is happy".... this is your new mantra. Step into your power.
Get hubby on the same page with you... or make him sleep on the sofa until he understands you.