Guys I need an honest, mature opinion.?

Question

Please, no foolish answers, as this is a serious question. Thank you.

I hadn't seen one of the guys I used to chill with a lot for years and now that everything's falling into place again, old feelings are coming up.

The problem is, while I was gone, he got his heart broken by a girl. We got drunk for his birthday not too long ago and I found him in the kitchen practically crying. After that he came back out and we danced and he was holding my hand and feeling up my leg. I have no idea what to make of that, but I moved away knowing he was only thinking of her.

But, every so often, he'll get all quiet and I know he still thinks of her a lot, and I'm fine with that (he knows it took me 3 years to get over my last relationship).

I'm really starting to like him a lot, but he's not the type of guy to come out and say what he's feeling.

In this situation, guys, what's a big "no" and what should I do/say to him? I just really need some advice.

Answer 1

You need to talk to him and ask him where you stand. That's a cop out to say he's not that type of guy. If he cares about you he should care enough to give you an honest answer to where he is at in his life and where you guys are at in your relationship. It's not worth it to be quiet and hope, you have to communicate and if he gives you a bunch of BS, you can only tolerate so much.

Answer 2

They say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". So go easy on him, do not pressure him at all. But treat him the way that a lady would want a man to treat her because he is hurting and needs a friend now, not a lover. Take him out to dinner at least twice a Mo., go on walks with him, buy a rose. Let him grow on you, not the other way around. In time he will forget her and see that you are the one that brought him in from the cold, that it was you that was there when he was lost and needed a friend. And let him know that the book he read yesterday is in somebody else's hand, you and him can make it work like old times when the world was young and you too were like two peas in a pod. They also say, "If you can't be with the one you loved and have lost, love the one your with"

Answer 3

Whatever you're feeling you need to be cautious here. Rebounds suck and never work out, so take it slow. Try to be his freind for now, he will totally appreciate that in the long run, and from experience, it's always such a better relationship with someone that you've become great freinds with first. Don't let him use you as a rebound to his pain. Just hang out with him and make him feel good. If his advances seem not genuine or too soon than rebuff them. Let him know you are there for him, but don't fall into the trap. I'm telling you this because while we guys appreciate someone like you, we don't always think with the bigger brain.

Answer 4

It sounds like he's pretty lonely, and the potential for yours being a rebound relationship is pretty high.

If you're developing feelings for him, you need to be careful and take things slowly. He may be doing the same towards you, but maybe he's just filling a void. It's fine to take time to get over someone, but he needs to do that before starting something new. He needs to understand that he's with you - not with her. If he can't do that, then back off.

It sounds like you know he really isn't ready for this. My overall recommendation would be to guard your heart & set boundaries that puts some distance between the two of you.

Answer 5

well that's complicated every guy is different!
here is the way i would say to go about it if you catch him acting weird or being quiet and you feel very strongly that something is wrong you take him to a quit well sun lit area and explain how good of a listener you are and ask him what is on his mind if he lets it out then good if not leave it alone but let him know that you are there for him when ever he needs it

Answer 6

Try not to rush him, but also dont give him TOO much time. Ease his feelings out of him by asking indirect questions about your relationship leading up to How he feels about you and his relationship so as not to make it too obvious. Dont go straight to it, but keep an eye out for good opportunities to try this tactic, like when he gets quiet and you can tell hes thinking about relationships. If he makes physical contact again, tell him how you feel and then ask about him. Its not foolproof, but im sure it will help =]

Answer 7

He doesn't want a relationship. He wanted sex. You gave it to him. Except for necessary work-related things, you need to avoid the guy. This "fling" could have messed up your job, as many employers discourage this. If you want to stay employed there, avoid him. Learn a lesson here. Don't mess around with guys from your place of employment. There are plenty, plenty of other men out there in the world. If you want a "fling" have it with someone outside the workplace. Quit taking chances on making yourself look unprofessional in the workplace.

Answer 8

Well I think you need to be careful now. He may be just needing a shoulder to cry on and probably trying to wriggle out of his relationship and is using you (esp the feeling your leg up thing). Once he is out of his old relationship completely he may dump you too. Just be a friend to him and nothing more.

Answer 9

Well to avoid being a fall back girl I would give him ample time to get over his ex since he is obviously still dealing with it, he is attracted to you whether it is in a sexual nature or other but I would still give him sometime before you make a move

Answer 10

Since he was drinking, he might not have realized what he was doing. Please do not get hurt. It is not fun. Also things change over a period of years. Go slow. I mean slow so you will not make a mistake and regret it. Most of all do not let him use you. He might be on the rebound. Just be careful.