10/1/07 I had my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years move in. We have had an up and down relationship. He cheated on me while we were dating and I found out he was addicted to speed. Well, he stopped cheating and the drugs..but, now we're living together. Everytime or just about everytime we argue, he either bails out the door says "F"U" to me and calls me a b*tch. He comes back after a few hours and we usually makeup. But today he did it again and the truth is I just had it. He's 42 and I'm 43 and I just don't want to spend my life with someone who runs out or calls me names. I was married for 18 years and my husband never did that sh*t. Anyhow, I told him we were through and don't come back. When he wants to pickup his stuff I'll have the police here for backup. I know I did the right thing but I'm hurting right now. Oh to top it off he threw his jacket at me...didn't hurt but I'm wondering all this behavior sounds like he's abusive..what do you think?
2007-11-19 15:06:56 · 13 answers · asked by one_daytripper 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is absolutely abusive. Whether or not you are physically hurt by a jacket being thrown you is not the point. The point is that you are always arguing and he calls you appalling names and walks out. There is a distinct lack of respect here, and one that will only get worse with time. We all have disagreements but this is not the way to resolve them. This is the way to make everything worse. I'm glad that you say you did not have to put up with this crap in your previous (18 year) marriage, but why don't you know that you don't have to put up with it now?
It's impossible to get someone like that to change, especially if you stay with them. They have no reason to change if you're sticking around. Get out and let him (if he's man enough) change for the next person and in the meantime, find someone who's better for you. Even being alone would be better for you.
2007-11-19 15:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jules 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know this is abuse. Sure, when someone you think you care for leaves, you hurt. But in the long run, the sooner you get this guy out of your life, the better off you will be.
Suggest that once this has calmed down, you need to take some time for yourself to find out who you really are. After 18 years of marriage and 3+1/2 years with this guy, you haven't had time to figure out who
But to your initial question: Take your age out of it for a second. If this were your 20-something daughter, and her b/f did this to her, what would you think? (I'd be in my car on the way over to either get her out of there ASAP!) So you KNOW the answer to your question...
2007-11-19 15:21:36 · answer #2 · answered by David M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear lady, you are so wise for getting out of this situation now. Abuse usually begins with controlling and verbal assaults. Then progress to 'small' physical things (like throwing the jacket at you). The objects tend to get larger and heavier sometime combined with his hands, feet etc.
Sounds to me like he may still be addicted to something if he leaves the house all agitated and comes home calm collected. etc.
Stick to your plan, and consider getting a restraining order when and if you are truly finished.
Best Wishes!
2007-11-19 15:18:42 · answer #3 · answered by rmdybles30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep. It's like a Band-Aid. Just rip it off.
Toby (above) is likely right. I'd be willing to bet that he's on something. Speed, in particular, can lead to violent behavior. I can't stand the thought of a young person going through this and definitely not someone already in their forties. This will not change.
2007-11-19 15:11:22 · answer #4 · answered by CUrias 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my opinion he sounds abusive to himself. He's obviously hurting inside. He needs help. Your doing the right thing by throwing him out. Maybe he'll wake up. You don't deserve to be with someone like that anyway! Your better than that. Find someone who has everything in order in life.
2007-11-19 15:23:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely sounds like emotional abuse... If there is one thing I can't stand it's being called names... I think you made the right decision. Hold strong and find someone that can actually communicate with you in a healthy way.
2007-11-19 15:11:31 · answer #6 · answered by Renn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's emotionally abusive, and someone who can be emotionally abusive is just as bad, if not worse than physical abuse. Broken bones heal, but emotional pain can last a life time. Also, if he can be cruel enough to be emotionally abusive, he is one step short of throwing a punch.
2007-11-19 15:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your old enought to know that this kind of behavior is not acceptable!!! Just because he doesn't physically hit you doesn't mean that he is not verbally abusing you!!! most of the time it starts out verbal and leads to physical abuse you did the right thing!!
2007-11-19 15:10:54 · answer #8 · answered by jessica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's still doing some sort of drug. Where do you think he went when you two got in arguments. Good move getting him out of there, you don't need that sh*t.
2007-11-19 15:11:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like its almost physically abusive, especially if he's throwing stuff, but its definately verbally abusive and you are really smart for getting out of it..it would probly only get worse if you didn't.
2007-11-19 15:12:33 · answer #10 · answered by *_* Katerrr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋