My mom has gone INSANE. HELP??

Question

I'm 15 years old and my only sibling went off to college this year. My mom doesn't have a job and monitors me CONSTANTLY. She even had my dad install a program on my computer that turns it off at 10:40. She has me on a very tight leash, not letting me go places after school unless they are planned things (like sports), and won't even let me do things on Friday after school unless they have been preplanned the night before, which is awful because teens are spontaneous! She is now having me sit at the dinner table for 2 hours a night (sunday-thursday) to do homework. Oh, did i mention that she sits in the kitchen and and constantly comes in and checks up on me?? I could understand if I had awful grades, but report cards came out and I had all B's and an A. She is e-mailing my teachers all the time asking what assignments I have not turned in etc. and has made a schedule that can earn "points" when I'm on time in the mornings and go to bed promplty at 11:00 which will earn a dinner out...

Why the HELL would i want to sit through dinner with them?? She volunteers at my school at least one time per week and people know her there better than ME. She has taken me to THERAPY goddamnit for absolutely nothing. I really need help because I seriously am thinking about running away.

One more thing (Sorry this is so long i just had to get it out of my system) I have tried many times to talk to her about this, by saying "Mom I think with my sister here you have been a little too controlling lately" and trying to start a conversation like that. She tells me to stop being so disrespectful or something and brushes me off. Does anyone else think this sounds like hell??

It is NOT a good thing. I am scared of her and what she thinks of me. I can't tell her anything personal. She has cut herself off from me.

Answer 1

Your mom has not gone Insane. She is afraid of you growing up. You have a sibling that has now left home for college and she no longer has control. So unfortunately she is taking this out on you...because you are 15 and she still can control you. Your still at home. I am willing to bet she knows shes doing it...but somehow just cant stop herself. Her babies are growing up and she cant stop it.

Talk to her. Nicely ask her why she is fearful of your grades. See what she says. Tell her you have felt more restricted since your brother/sister left..and why is that? Is there something you have done? See what she says. Remain calm during your discussion. Getting argumentative will get you nowhere fast. See where she is coming from and let her know where you are coming from. Dont use the "all my friends can do such and what why cant I"...instead try to find out what it is that YOU have done. If she says nothing...then calmly ask her if you have done nothing wrong...why is she acting this way...if there is something...then address that.

Your mom is afraid of you growing up and going down the wrong path. She does have your best interests at heart...but sometimes having too tight of a leash is just as bad as not having a leash at all. She does love you. Try to work it out with her.

Answer 2

First thing I noticed was you are 15 yrs old and still get to be on the computer till 10:40pm? that is not a tight leash.
My bet is, you wouldn't get off the computer at night, that's why you now have this "auto shutoff"

The second thing I noticed is you play sports? or do you just go to them? Either way, that's not a tight leash.

If she's making you sit at the table for 2 hrs. to study, that means when you are in your room, you are prob. on the computer and NOT studying.

If you are "earning points for getting up in the morning and being on time" it's my guess you were staying up half the night on the computer, then would wake up dragging, late for school.

Going to bed by 11pm to earn a dinner out, is actually a good thing. You've had bedtime issues.

Then I noticed how angry you became and used cuss words. Have you been cussing at your mom and or dad?

I think you are painting a pretty little picture of yourself and making mom look like the bad guy because NOW that you have made certain bad choices, she's making you pay the consequence and that pisses you off. you are not getting your way right now and running away isn't going to solve your problems.
You can run all the way into the next state, but your problems are still going with you.
If you think your mom is all the problem here, I think you better think long and hard about how you've been behaving, it sounds like she is doing her job and that's being a responsible parent.

I think most mid teens don't like their parents especially when they don't get their way.

Just do the right stuff and it sounds like you need to "regain" your parents trust. Am I right?

If they could trust you to do what you say you will do, then she would not have to come down hard on you.

Think of it like this...it actually could be worse. You could not be allowed to do anything except stay at home and do chores all day and have dinner on the table.

I know a lot of people like this. Their mom wouldn't allow it, because they didn't need the worry.

Now that your older sibling is gone, your mom has more time to really watch you. Getting your sibbling off to college is a very busy time and is it possible that during this time mom and dad weren't noticing everything you were doing and you took "advantage" of the situation and know you have to realize, those days are over.

It will be ok, it's just a time in your life when you want all the freedom to do whatever you want , when you want and life isn't like that. You will be there soon enough, don't try to grow up to fast, it's very hard to make your way out there and you only have 3 more years left. That time will be here before you know it.

What is your goal when you turn 18? Are you going to college? If so, keep your grades up in hopes you'll get a scholorship to go anywhere you want.

Good luck this won't last if you stop fighting it....

Mom is not insane, she just woke up.

Answer 3

Hey Hey Hey. Calm down.

Running away NEVER solves issues, if anything... it just causes more. Seriously... how far can you run before you realize you need a roof to sleep under when it snows, you need food so you don't starve, you need a tub so you don't smell. And where are you going to turn?

Don't run away. Unless another relative can get custody of you for whatever reason which has to be better than your complaints then you're pretty much going to end up where you ran away from. It's kind of like the phrase "you can run, but you can't hide."

Truth be told, at your age we all have this feeling. We just want to break free and escape. Parents are there to help us realize that you CAN do that, but only when you can support yourself. That's why you don't leave until your 18+. Look at is as, you've only got 3 more years and you can do whatever the hell you want. Might as well live up to the rules and tough it out like every other kid out there. Yeah... you kind of have an over-protective mother, but so do i. It's annoying, yes. But it's her way of saying "You know i just love you, and i want you to be safe and have a good life."

You might think your life is so horrible and so restricted, but honestly... it could be worse. Some kids don't even have parents. Be thankful for what you are offered because some kids would die to be in your position. If you have serious issues with how things works in your mom's house... confront her. Ask her what you have to do to earn freedom. Do some extra chores, don't whine and maybe your mom will see the mature side of you and award you some of the things you've always wanted. You might also want to let her know how you feel and see how she feels.

Think of it from your mom's point of view. Think about if you were a mom and what would your regulations be? I know it's hard to understand why parents do what they do... but in the long run it'll probably benefit you a whole lot more than you thought it would destroy you.

Answer 4

My dear girl, listen to me and others, that are trying to help you. We have all gone through something like this, either in our own lives, or those of our children.

You mother is a GOOD mother, and way down the road you will see that.

You are 15 and are going through a tunnel that you will come out the other end, either a wiser girl, or one that has given herself much grief.

The other answer is correct, some people would give their eye teeth to have a mother like yours. Someone who cares enough to take the time to look after yourself properly. If she did everything you wanted her to do, trust me, you would turn out to have a very unhappy adult life.

Concentrate on your school work and continue getting B's and A's and you will be well on the way to creating a good future for yourself. Don't muck it up now, you have the whole world in front of you, and 15 tells me that you are a pretty clever kid. Go into some of the questions by other teenagers, about mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, step-mothers, grandparents. There are some really bad problems out there and you should really understand that you have got it so much better than most other teens.

You have written your question in a very excellent way and I commend you for it. You have stated what you feel, very eloquently which means you have a very intelligent advantage over many other teens.

Use your thoughts wisely, tell your mother how you appreciate that she loves you enough to care about you.

Have you heard the saying - What goes around comes around - Be careful what you send out because good or bad, I guarantee it will come back to you, sometime.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

This is a complex issue that cannot be answered in one paragraph for sure, but from what you're saying I believe she feels she has lost control with your sibling leaving or other issues and needs to place that control over you. You did not mention what your other sibling is like - whether he/she got into a lot of trouble during school - this could be an issue too. Please do not consider running away. There are toll free numbers you may call and talk to someone openly without judgment or bias. If you do talk with her, and I suggest this because I am a mother, don't use words like . . . you always, you never, you . . . use "I" - I feel hurt when you . . . I feel sad or let down when . . . it's called I-isms. Please write back if you want to talk more. There is so much you haven't said so it's hard to really pin point the acutal reason for her wanting so much control over you.

Answer 7

well, sorry i'm of no help....but i can tell you one thing. you're not alone.

i'm going through the same thing as you. my brother just went off to college, and my mom's watching me like a hawk, more than ever. (before, it was hell, now it's just suicidal) people will tell you to say this and that to your mom, to sit her down and to explain your feelings...HA. that is just one big lie. both you and i know that will never work, with our moms constantly brushing us off. my mom would just yell at me if i tried explaining ANYTHING to her. don't run away now, you'll be causing a bigger problem than before. then, once you come back home, your mom will have you on a chain, locked up in the basement. you have 3 more years, just tough it out. you're lucky... i still have 5 more years till i'm 18. just wait, there's always a rainbow after some rain. you know it's true. we've all argued with our mom's before, but there's always hugs and kisses sometime afterward. just try to avoid her.... as i am doing so too. (it seems to be working) just hang in there, i'm rooting for you! ^_^

edit: and i think kaycee gave a good answer. us teens all feel that way... don't worry. our mom's do love us...they just have an "insane" way of showing it. i mean, they care about us... they really do. they want us to have a good life, you know?
ps- if you think your mom's gone insane, you should come over to my house one day. you'd be running like you just saw hell, i swear. lol...good luck darling.

Answer 8

I totally agree with Yak Rider. I did not have parents who cared about me, what I did, or who I was with when I was a teen. If I wasn't a smart person I would probably be homeless. You may not think so now, but you will thank her when you grow up to be a very successful person. You should also be lucky that you aren't being abused like so many children these days are. Google child abuse or neglect, and you will feel very lucky.

Answer 9

Look at the problems other teens on here write in about.If your mom didnt hound you like she does you might be making C's and F's instead of A'S and B's.You might be taking care of a sqwalling 3 month old if she let you run wild like some of the other kids in your school.
She DOES love you and knows whats best for you.Listen to her now, you wont be sorry later,I promise.

Answer 10

why don't u sit down and talk to her? tell her she is being a little to protective and this might of turned out better if she had started this when u were younger. she might just be scared becouse ur older sibling went off to college. give her some time and at least talk to her before u do anything so drastic.