Is this a Dysfunctional Family?

Question

My mom- Her father used to beat her mom to death and he was also alcoholic. She has a drinking problem. She is a manic depressive and cant live without her medication. She may abuse it. Sleeps alot. Cries ALL the time. Before she and my dad were divorced she would go to the bars all the time and end up in jail. She cheated on my dad and i knew about it the whole time but i never said anything. Has what's turning into a abusive b/f.
Dad- He has his own business so i never see him much. My mom never saw him either so she thought if he never had to be home then why did she? He had the police come to our house to arrest my mother because she was drunk again and things were getting out of hand. He's never really understood me and thinks something is wrong.
Me- I cut my wrists to release the stress of everyday living. I dont talk to anyone at school, and i mean NO ONE. I cant trust anyone so whenever i have a boyfriend or friends at all they are only around for a short time. I abuse drugs.

Im 14.

Im not looking forward to Christmas without my family together. I dont even think we are putting up a tree. :(

Answer 1

I don't think you need to ask if its a dysfunctional family. You already know the answer to that. I think your real need for writing into Y/A is to get some support and help.

Your life is really difficult right now and yes, it can get better, but you cannot change those around you like your mum and dad, so you need to get help for yourself. A counsellor will give you skills to cope within your current environment and equip you with life time skills so that when you leave home you can make a really cool life for yourself.

Phone a counsellor as soon as possible.
Chin up - life will get better.

Answer 2

Anything can make a dysfunctional family. It really depends on the people. Sometimes it's divorce or death. Other times it can be drug/alcohol addiction. It could be abuse, poor parenting, strained relationships with different members, out of hand children or illness. Anything can make a family dysfunctional but it really depends on the families ability to handle a certain situation. Like one family can get through a divorce with no problems and another family will be shattered. There is never a perfect family so I don't think you can put your finger on one particular thing that makes each and every family dysfunctional.

Answer 3

Since you can't count on either of your parents, you are going to have to take responsibility for your own life. Getting professional help is simply a tool for you to use in your own healing. You don't have to trust a therapist to learn good coping strategies from them. Ask your guidance counselor at school how you can get therapy, and then go get it. You may also need to go into rehab. Again, they can help you overcome your drug abuse even if you don't trust them. Do it for yourself. You are worth it.

And do remember that the definition of a dysfunctional family is any family with two or more members. Just as a lot of people don't know what you have gone through, you may not know what they are going through. The sooner you face your problems, the sooner you will solve them. And I don't mean deny them by cutting yourself. Right now you are reaching out for help. Don't tar us all (and yourself) with the same brush as your parents. You can break this cycle. I believe in you, and I don't even know you.

Answer 4

I feel very bad for you. All I can say is try to embrace healthy activities away from home and surround yourself with healthy, positive people, places and things until you are old enough to be on your own. Please stay in school and work towards a college education because you do not want to become trapped in a cycle like your parents. Please find someone to confide in about your cutting and drug use and try to get help for both of these problems. It does sound like you really don't want to do these things but they are an escape and an outlet. I know you say you cannot trust anyone, but seek out friends that are not of the "popular" group and build from there. I am sure you will find many other loners at school are living a life similar to yours and are afraid to make friends. Please confide in an adult at school if you feel you are in danger from others or a danger to yourself. You are only given one life and before you know it you will be old enough to be on your own and you can limit the time you spend with your parents if they do not adopt healthier lifestyles.

Answer 5

Im so sorry for you hon.My home life growing up was crappy ,maybe as bad as yours.Want to be happy?
Realize the LORD loves you and cares and understands how you feel.If you can, get in church,my church family is more of a family to me than my real one.If you can, visit a United Pentecostal church sometime, call the pastor and ask if they can pick you up.Look under churches in the yellow pages.
GOD helped me with stress.I used to literally twist my hair up in knots and pull it out.I was nervous and stressed out as a child,also manic depressive and bi polar.GOD delivered me from all of that and HE can do the same for you to!There is no feeling like knowing you are right with GOD and HE is going to see you through anything that comes along.Your mom and dad need the LORD.If they knew HIM and lived for him, they would act different and things would be different at your house.GOD can also help you get off those drugs too.Try it, what have you got to lose?You have more to gain.

Answer 6

Hon, you know that your type of family is not really your family? When you have kids you will understand what a family really means, to cling to your present one is like peeing into the wind! You get it all back in your face! If you know what I mean? So get out there and start living your life. Find a decent partner and have some kids! Then hey! You have a family! treasure them all your life! Have a great day.

Answer 7

no this isn't a dysfuctional family, sure there r problems, but those arn't going 2 go away. Me and u r very simliar i m also 14 with family problems. it's not good idea to release ur stress with cutting do something else anything else, I don't know you,but i hope your life gets a little bit easier. It's up to you with what u do wit ur life ur parents haven't really done a good job with their lives. Love yourself b4 you can love others

Answer 8

Yes, it is.
You need to get out of the abusive situation before it kills you. You can't do anything for Mom, and Dad doesn't want to do anything for you. Is there an aunt, uncle, or cousin to whom you could turn for help? How about school or church? As a last resort, child protective services. Enlist help and get away from M&D!!!!
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Answer 9

I think it is and i'm sorry for that.I had a similar childhood growing up as well.You should not be cutting yourself at all,because truly none this your fault and you cannot control your family's behavior.It's time to talk to your father about getting you some counseling,so you can feel better and be a calmer person.With counseling your father can get to know you better and what you're going through.Try going out to dinner with your father for christmas,so he xould get to know you better.

Answer 10

You already know the answer. I suggest that you get some counsellingso that you can get some stratagies in place to help you.Here is a hug for you.For the record there is no suchthing as a perfect family.You need to talk to someone.