A mere suggestion for adoption forum?

Question

I'd like to suggest to the anti-adoption group that your answers would better serve the kids in the Pregnancy Forum than here. I think they NEED to hear about your experiences. For instance, Dew S asked this question, "what i should do to avoid my partner for being pregnant?". It's merely a suggestion & I don't think this boy should be harassed any more than the rest of us have been in the Adoption Forum, who have adopted, are adopting, thinking about placing their child, et.al. Don't you think that you would then be "barking up the right tree" & truly helping to prevent the trauma you say you suffer from now? You might actually help prevent these children from making the same mistakes that you made and feeling as bitter as you do, about having been adopted. I honestly think you could really help them. Please, won't you consider this?
It doesn't do any good to those of us who have had a good adoption/adoptive experience. We all have our own TRUTH & we'll never agree on this issue.

Healing, I have told you before that we appreciate your experience and beliefs. It's the ones who are harassing/berating/threatening/frightening us for having adopted, had a good adoption experience (like yourself), and are looking for help and advice that my suggestion was directed to. I want to know, please, what you and others think of my suggestion. Thank you.

I know, BPD, and you are sorely missed in here. I've read many of your former Q&A's as well as the other former top contributors.

Yes, I'm waiting for another FALSE "violation report" for this one. But the anti-adoptionists are here. Look at the thumbs down.

Healing, I want what is best for all children in all circumstances, period. Of course there is a down side to everything. Is there a forum for the majority of people in here who come from dysfunctional families (I, being one of those), who weren't adopted?

I CHOSE to change the direction my family has taken for generations. I CHOSE to not bring another child into this world who would be abused, neglected, beaten, etc., as I was. I CHOOSE not to belabor the facts of my life and to move on with my life. I CHOOSE to help others when I am able and to try and give back to this planet. We welcome your comments and those considering adoption NEED to hear your voice and others like you who are not guilty of harassment, etc.
Thank you

BPD, please come back.
The bitter responses are those thumbs down that we've all gotten, except for one poster here (& Healing we need & want you here. They are trying to manipulate you.), and this question from one of the anti-adoptionists: "For those of you that feel adoption has a dark side, why do you post here?". As we know here, this is utterly ridiculous, childish & proves our entire point. I take it that their "non-responsiveness" is because they enjoy threatening, harassing, being rude to, falsely reporting, etc. the rest of us and they will continue to do so until enough of us report their violations & stand up to these bullies.

Thank every one of you for your time, thoughtful responses and opinions. I really appreciate it. One starts to wonder if one is losing her mind in this forum, when left alone. I invite each of you to be my contact, if you are not currently. Thanks again and best wishes to all of you.

Answer 1

I have to agree noodles. I actually welcome what everyone on this forum has to say, be they adoptees, adoptive parents, or natural parents.
What I don't welcome is constant sarcastic, irrelevant and downright rude and cruel posts by people who ONLY see their own side of the story.

Being as how they seem so interested in pregnancy, and family preservation at all costs, I agree, they should, and hopefully are, also be posting in the pregnancy and ttc forums.

Why can't people realise that their opinions are welcome, but disrespect isn't? I wonder why that's such a hard concept for SOME people?

Answer 2

I read your questions and answers but i have to say i'm quite confused. I'm not bitter about my adoption experince, but i deal with loss and rejection and anger because of certain questions that i can't get answered. I feel that I and some adopted children do try to tell the whole truth about our adoptions. It's not to turn parents away who are looking to adopt or to be mean to a mother who is considering giving her child away to adoption. I want any prospective parent to know that there may be some issues that they will have to deal with. Even though an adopted child may be raised in a loving and supportive home, there are still some feelings that we deal with. ^^^Now i do agree with you that there are people that are being mean-spirted on this forum. ^^^And i do acknowledge that.^^ But when you say "You might actually help prevent these children from making the same mistakes that you made and feeling as bitter as you do, about having been adopted."*******It comes across that you don't want us adoptees who are trying to tell our story not to tell it if we do not fall in to the happy category, that noone should hear what an adopted child may face or feel.********I'm happy with my adoptive parents, they are the most loving and supportive people i think that i will ever know. but i do feel that the issues i deal with do need to expressed. for edcuation for all parties involved in the adoption process. So that all involved can make sure what is best for the child is the upmost. I guess that is why i feel attacked when you post questions or comments... Just like you don't want to be attacked, neither do us other adoptees on this forum who are just telling our stories. Who are not making rude demaning comments. Sometimes the comments come across in anger, i know i have written a few. It 's not that we think all adoptive parents are harmful, it just may be an emtion we are feeling at the time. Us adoptees do know that there are adoptive parents that want the best and i think some of us do express that in answering questions. You are right that we may never agree on this issue, because unfortunately there are some adoptees and adoptive parents that do not want us other adoptees to talk about our birth families, to acknowledge our feelings. I think both sides of this adoption forum need to understand that not all of us have the same adoption experince. That all our feelings are vaildated. I'm sorry you feel like you are being attacked or others on here. ***Noone should make rude comments and that goes for both sides.**** I guess that is all i'm saying. Please,please let those of us who may have experinces or issues speak. It helps both sides in the adoption process. It also helps us that are healing... I'm still coming to terms with my adoption even though i had a good home. well i better stop now. Just be there for your little girl and acknowledge her feelings if she ever expresses anything negative about her adoption. It may just be she needs a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I know my adoptive mom has always been a good listener and it helps!! the best to you.

@@@@I do agree that if people want to be rude and hurtful they should direct it some place else@@@

Answer 3

i think that's a great idea, and i feel like that would be a good place to help women / girls not fall into the same trap other first moms fell into. but you have to remember adoption includes all aspects, the adoptive parents, the adoptee, and the first moms. so, all of us have the right to share our stories here. besides, adoption is barbaric and changes are being made. 15 years from now, it will go beyond "open" adoption, which is a lie. first mothers will have rights and adoptions will go down and mothers will be helped throught their tough times so they can keep their children. i do believe that we need to focus on adopting the children who live in foster homes and don't have parents.

Answer 4

hardship-unfastened courtesy, could be severe high quality. We might under no circumstances agree, or understand the lack of ability of a adoptee, the remorseful approximately of a universal mom/dad and their nuclear relatives. yet what we are in a position to agree on is know for the comments of others, despite if we believe them or no longer. enable this communicate board to be a source for first mom's, PAP, adoptee's, nuclear family, foster dad and mom and AP. we'd desire to ask ourselves, in spite of everything the thumbs down or thumbs up, the call calling, each and every of the advise and hateful comments, have we solved something or helped all people make a valid selection? the main necessary question is, are the infants nonetheless suffering? My opinion is ineffective and that i might desire to save it to myself, if i'm no longer contributing in some way, to desires of over a 0.5 a million infants that are presently in the device. What we'd desire to do, which comprise myself, is to offer up the call calling and make investments it sluggish in those infants. I surely have observed 3 infants, yet so what, different infants want a mentor, a buddy or somebody to lead them to experience particular, channel all that keenness into the infants.

Answer 5

I had thought to propose something similar.

This forum is titled "Parenting>Adoption", which suggests that most of the discussion should be concerned with issues surrounding parenting. I feel that some questions posted should appear in a Psychology forum, or in Law/Ethics forums. It is not that everyone's point of view isn't welcome (as long as they are not abusive), but there are several topics within the adoption umbrella, and it makes sense to break them up into other headings.

Answer 6

Excellent point. I'm actually shocked that you haven't received any "bitter" responses. I left the adoption forum for awhile because of the same answers you refer to.

Good for you for posting this!

Answer 7

Wow. I've got to say you have a valid point. Also without adoption we'd have alot more children who are homeless or in orphanages. Adoption can improve many children's lives.

Answer 8

Thank you for posting your message! I agree with your suggestion 100%

Answer 9

thats a good idea.