Shutting my family completely out of my life?

Question

Lately I've been sitting around thinking about how my family treats me. I am a young married mother of two and my hubby is about to get deployed. Anyway, they're always judging me, talking about me badly, (like b/c I don't have many name-brand clothes), but when they need something they always call me. I've always helped them in anyway i can but i'm sick of the way they treat me, and when i talk to them about it, they laugh it off and they're like "whatever". They've all said that i'll never amount to anything, i'm too fat, no one will ever love me, but i've overcome all of that. But is it wrong for me to just cut them off completely. Cuz i swear i don't wanna talk to any of them.

To be completely honest, I wouldn't care if they cut me out of family events because they wouldn't invite me in the first place. I wasn't even invited to my grandmother's 70th birthday party this year OR to my sister's graduation party.

ok@thejewel, first of all, i KNOW what i am going thru, if I knew I was doing something to provoke my family being so negative towards me, then I wouldn't have even posted this question. They know they've done wrong cuz many times I've gotten letters of apology cuz their too coward to face me and say they're sorry. But that only happens when they need something. So I am not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, I'm asking for advice, you wouldn't be the one to give it to me cuz you haven't been thru it. Young or old, it doesn't matter. I could be 40 and asking this, but I probably won't care by then.

Answer 1

I think life is way to short to put up with peoples crap. I have cut some family members outta my life. And when I did it was like a burden was lifted off of me. My life is alot less dramatic now, nice and peaceful. The decision is yours and yours alone to make you just have to do what is right for yourself. Ive read some of your answers on here. Your very level headed and I think you will make the right decision, no matter what you choose to do....Good Luck

Answer 2

There's nothing wrong with anything you're feeling except for the part where you're trying to decide if you should stay away "for the rest of your life". This might be what's making you conflicted, because that's a very tough call to make. However, it doesn't need to be that dramatic. Any adult has not only the right, but the responsibility to themselves to avoid people who are toxic. And if your life is happier without them in it right now, then nobody should ever second guess this choice of yours. But, since it's always possible that you could change your mind down the road, or your sibs might change and want contact, etc. don't sign this away mentally for good. For example, if your mom is dying, you don't want to get trapped into taking back your own words if you decide you want to go back and say good-bye to her. This is one of those life decisions that is 100% about you. Even your sibs and hubby need to give you the freedom to decide what works best. It sounds like you have a solid new family going, and that is your priority. Don't let others intrude with "should" type statements. Just do what works for you today, and if this changes in 5 years, do what works for you then.

Answer 3

Next time they ask you for something tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine That is so BS your family is the last group that should do that to you I'd say a little aggressiveness or revenge is in order or at least tell them they're assholes if you're not that type, I've a very cold family and We've had a lot of problems and issues but We never have spoken to each other that way ever I find that so cruel. Good luck.

Answer 4

i have cut my dad's side of the family completely off and to tell you the honest truth my life has been ten times more peaceful! I don't have to deal with their negative remarks about how i too would not amount to anything!!! I'm the only one of their grand children that have worked a full time job and paid for my own college. It has taken me a little bit longer to get through college but i'm also the most resposible of the whole family! So if you think you should cut them off then you should definately do it

Answer 5

You don't have to tolerate bad behavior from family or ortherwise.Family is supposed to be there to support you and be there for you anytime you need them.Not to drag you down or make you feel bad.If you feel that this what needs to be done for you to feel better,then by all means DO IT!!!!!!.because your family is supposed to love and kindness,not animosity or cruelness.And anytime they want to use you for what you have,don't answer the phone or tell them you can't help them,they'll get the message loud and clear eventually.And you shouldn't feel bad about cutting them off at all,they are not supportive in any way towards you and they are definitely not helping you.So,i really do think that it is in your best interest to let them go and for you to go and have a happy life that is full joy and peace.Goodluck!!!

Answer 6

I say if they dont take you seriously and dont respect you at all, then get the cuttin'! Your life is too short to deal with b.s like that! Its all about you and the kids happiness right now. It's hard enough dealing with your man going off to some foreign country as it is, so lay low for a while and make them wonder what is up with you. Make them damn near beg for you to comeback around the family. Until they do that, find people that will treat you like family if your own wont do it!

Answer 7

My family is the same way. And it drive's me nutts. I don't wear name brand. But i have worked hard at haveing nice things. As long as your happy with your life, they mean nothing. I have found that my family was always mean because they new i would be something better than they ever could. In the end who will have the last laugh? Good luck, and remember all family's suck. lol

Answer 8

Well for one thing,let your family know that love does not know the meaning of the word fat.I am a fat person,and have found my own soldier whom loves me just as I am.As far as cutting them off completely goes,it sounds like you really don't want to.The next time they pick on you,warn them that you are considering "downsizing" the negative people in your life.Then,if they do it again,don't go out of your way to contact them.Make them contact you.When they do,explain to them how horrid they made you feel and that you don't think it is healthy for your children to be around someone so negative.

Answer 9

Your story sounds almost verbatim like one of my friends...she ended up going to a therapist and he told her that one of the first things she needed to do was to "cut off all ties" with her parents, because their relationship was "toxic."

But he meant this a first step - not a permanent one. The intent was to allow her some space to think clearly and for herself, so that she can first deal with her own issues and fears...one at a time.

With your husband about to be deployed, it sounds like you may have anxiety, fears, etc. and need to talk to someone about it, but your family isn't being very supportive, sympathetic or helpful. If so, you may want to get in touch with the MWR (morale, welfare & recreation) division or social services department on the Army (Air Force, Navy, etc) base. There are strong support mechanisms for military spouses in your situation, including NCO wives clubs or the base chaplain. But I'd start at the family/community services office first to get those contacts/resources.

Godspeed....

Answer 10

Hi

Some people will say that it is wrong to cut your family out of your life, and they say family should stick together, blah blah blah... If your family is treating you badly, then I say cut them off. You don't need anyone treating you like that and it doesn't matter if they're "family" or not. I cut my father and his entire family out of my life, so do what you have to do. I think you would be better off without them. Good luck with your situation.