How Should I Handle This?

Question

I was the first one of our BIG group of friends to get married. We are all very close, we're just a big family. Several of us live out of town, so each year we get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We always held the events at our house (my husband and I) as a way to get every one together. We do lots of decorating and cooking and really enjoy this as the "main event" of the season.
This year, one of the girls is getting married and has asked if she can host Christmas in the future. I really put a lot of effort into this each year, and we invite other people she doesn't know.
I feel like this will make every thing inconvenient. The girl who is getting married causes a lot of drama most of the time and I feel it just wouldn't be the same if we broke tradition now and started swapping up every year. There's so many of us, (close to 20) if each of us hosted it once a year, we would lose track in a few years! How do I handle this politely?

We do all have families, which is why most of us are only in town the same time every year for those two holidays. I suggested that she do Thanksgiving and she pretty much just said, "It's too hard!"
We usually plan our events around the family ones, of course.

Answer 1

You handle it the same way your grandmother handled losing the throne: graciously. Recognize that you weren't really the queen.
Does the girl want to host Christmas this year? If so, you've still got Thanksgiving, and next Christmas is a year away. Let her do it.
Do none of you have families of your own? You cannot control a group of 20 for 2 serious holidays for the rest of your life, look for a way to share because as the others get married there will be in-laws, children, travel, etc. The system is about to break down, and what's important is to salvage the friendships.

Answer 2

That's a rough one to provide a unmarried reply to however instead calls for a few exploring. In idea you try to stick with the suitable ways of handling adversarial instances, well mannered, civil, calm and many others.... But whilst it comes all the way down to it if the problems are provoked to the factor that they end up burning problems then the survival intuition kicks in and I continuously wish that after that occurs that I have now not made a whole and utter crisis of matters with my response. I am pronouncing that I emotionally specific myself, could must cry, could must rant, could must confront after which blow off the steam relying... If it's whatever unhappy like melanoma or a middle assault finishing but an additional existence then for me individually it's internalizes. I take that to middle and it alterations and results my each and every concept and motion however beneath the skin and I do not manage, it's an instinctual response telling me to are living my existence as precise as I can due to the fact that you'll be able to be long past in an immediate. Keep smiling again at you....:)

Answer 3

This has some similarity to a recent Miss Manners question:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/13/AR2007111301990.html

I suspect that your friend is simply looking forward to the opportunity to entertain in her new home. Why don't you encourage her to host a party at a different time?

Answer 4

I think you have to be up front about this, tell her it's always been the tradition to have it at your home, and you really don't want to break tradition.
Tell her about asking other people, and that it wouldn't be fair to those people.
Suggest she host Thanksgiving, or Easter, 4th of july bar b q
etc. good luck

Answer 5

Talk to the others in your group of friends and see how they feel about it first. If every one can't come to an agreement on the situation, then take a vote and majority rules.

Answer 6

To be fair you need to let your other friends host if they so desire. It's good to take rotations on who hosts and who wants to host.

Answer 7

Don't be afraid to lose control. You and your husband will have to adapt as your friends get married, and if you clutch hard you'll lose everything.

Answer 8

Tell her how you feel, that you liked having it because you invited peoples she didn't know, and you feel it would cause more problems to change tradition

Answer 9

Ask if you can bring your additional guests. If she does not agree, have your own celebration. And if you go to hers, don't stress over it! Just go and have fun.