Wife spanked our 6 year old, now social services is investigating, what can we expect?

Question

Last Monday night our 6-year-old son wouldn't settle down, it was 11PM on a school night and he was up and literally wrecking his room, my wife tried everything she could think of and finally had enough, and finally gave him one good swat on the butt. That settled him right down and he went to bed. The next day at school he mentioned it to a teacher. Thursday morning a social worker came calling. She had already been to the school and talked to my son, and said she didn't feel he was in "imminent danger", but she still wants to do a follow-up interview with us this coming Wednesday and see our house. We are just sick about this. We hardly ever spank our kids, we always do it as an extreme last resort, we are a very close-knit, loving family- my wife and I together work over 100 hours a week and still take our kids to extra-curricular activities at least 3 nights a week. My wife is terrified that they'll be like "Oops, dust in the corner, we're taking your kids!" What can we do? :(

NO SPANKING ALLOWED, you sure are brave when you are name-calling behind a computer screen. Funny how you don't allow email so I can actually have an intelligent discussion with you directly. Like I always say, anyone can talk tough behind a computer screen.

NO SPANKING ALLOWED, you sure are brave when you are name-calling behind a computer screen. Funny how you don't allow email so I can actually have an intelligent discussion with you directly. Like I always say, anyone can talk tough behind a computer screen.

Answer 1

You'll be fine. DSS is unfortunately so overloaded with cases (always) that they sometimes don't catch real abuse going on. Since there's no real abuse going on in your home, the visit will most likely be short, and nothing will come of it. I can't imagine how awful you must be feeling about it, but there's certainly a silver lining here. Your son's teacher cares enough about him to make sure he's safe (assuming she's the one who called), and she's doing her legal duty to protect children (we teachers are legally obligated to report any suspected abuse, and unless your son's teacher is the poster above me, the story your son told was probably told in a way in which it wasn't just a spanking- 6 year olds are like that). Again, the visit won't result in having your kids taken away. I'd definitely talk to your son about HOW he talked about the spanking. Clearly you don't want to discourage him from being honest, but you don't want him painting a picture of evil parents who beat him either. Best wishes!

Answer 2

I honestly don't think you have to worry much. Kids that are covered in bruises often don't get taken away from their parents. Worst case scenerio is that they might recomend you take some "parenting classes" at a local center or something like that.

We called CPS on my cousins several times for doing things like locking their house while they were at work an not giving the kids a key (so for 3 hours after school the kids were at home but couldn't get in the house) and letting the older one beat up the little one (to the point where he had welts and major bruises), and nothing ever happened there! There are also cases on the news all the time about "CPS investigated the home and didn't find reason to remove the children, but then..." and the kid ends up in the hospital or something. I'm sure your home isn't anything NEAR this.

Just make sure all your dishes are done, your clothes are put away, and the bathroom looks serviceable and you should be fine.

Answer 3

mmmmm - as long as that's all that happened, and your house is reasonably neat and clean and you have food in the house, I wouldn't worry about it too much - if they thought he was in danger, they would have pulled him out by now - don't get upset with your son - if this is something that rarely happens - spanking - I'm not surprised your son mentioned it! Unless she left bruises, I wouldn't stress over it. Although I have heard of some horror stories - about kids being taken out of homes for not much of a reason (according to the parents) - most of the time the social workers do a pretty good job - including figuring out when an ex is just trying to cause problems. I don't think they even expect the home to be spotless like a showcase house - but they sure don't want to see clothes and food all over the furniture and floor. While most people do have enough food in their cabinet for at least a few days, there are some that don't and this is something they just may check. Don't panic, just tell the truth, and remember you are talking to someone who has seen many situations and should be able to tell whether things got exaggerated or not. Even if they have talked to your son, they still have to come talk to you - they just "have to make sure" everything is ok. If your son goes to school pretty much everyday, is clean and fed, and doesn't show up with strange bruises don't worry. I had them show up (my ex causing problems) at my rather beat up mobile home, that was a mess - My boyfriend and I were living in a 2 bedroom mobile home w/ his 3 kids there every other weekend and my 2 most of the time -you can imagine - it was kind of a mess - I explained the situation, she said ok, and it as if it never happened - except in my memory! And, I wouldn't even do any special cleaning, it's funny the things kids will say - like "mommy took off work today and cleaned up the house all day " will make someone suspicious. Good luck

Answer 4

The will not take your kids away UNLESS they find any evidence that your kids are abused and neglect or imminent danger. Usually a "spank" in the butt will not be an issue unless that spank was hard enough to leave a mark ...then I am sure that's why they want a follow up. If you don't abuse your kids or neglect them you don't have to worry, the government don't go around taking kids away from safety environments, they have way too many cases in their hands already to remove kids and causes them mental anguish and stress. When they come tell them exactly what happened and how it happened, don't worry if everything is normal they will just close the case.
Now please don't blame your kid for telling the teacher what happened, you don't want your kid to feel responsible for anything, besides it is a good thing that he is not afraid of telling if someone has caused him harm ( I know it was just a spank but kids don't know the difference between spanking and beating them up).

Answer 5

I am sorry that you are going through this. I would be very interested to know if the school that your child attends, and where the teacher works, uses corporal punishment. In that case, it would be very ironic that they reported you for abuse.
I have a friend that was investigated by social services for a very simmular reason. There was one visit and then the case was closed. As long as your house in in good shape, and I'm sure it is, I don't think you will have anything to worry about. The fact that the social worker, after having spoken to your son, did not believe he was in imminent danger my belief is that she is going to try and be reasonable.
You will be asked questions such as; Who is your child's doctor? When was his last (medical, dental, eye doctor appt.)?
They will look to see that you have plenty of food in your house and that he, or any other children you may have, each have their own beds to sleep in.
Remember that they are required by law to investigate any report made, so don't think that the social worker is out to get you. I think things will go well. If they thought that something was really wrong, you wouldn't be getting notice of a home visit.....they would just show up unannounced.

Answer 6

For just a SPANKING?
Now that is just wrong. My mother gave me spankings very little when I was a small child but only as a last resort. Just be honest about it. If what you say is true, then I think that whoever comes to investigate will see that you care about your kids and this was not abuse. You might also tell your boy not to tell teachers about punishments, because if he says it wrong its a possibility that he will get taken away. Im sure your children wouldn't want this so they would obey this request. Also if investigators go this far, get some witnesses like neighbors, close friends, someone who would be able to say that you dont abuse your children.

Best of luck!

Answer 7

WHAT THE HELL?? It is a very sad world we are living in if a parent has to worry about a swat on a child's bottom. When I was a kid I was spanked with a belt. I wasn't beaten by any means, but I am sure today Daddy would be strung up by his toenails!

Actually, this is probably just a protocal thing. I would imagine it is just for paperwork to close the case. Once my son got a hold of a Rx drug from my purse, and I had to take him to the ER. There Social Services dropped by to ask me and my husband a lot of questions about what happened, why could the child reach them (in my purse... just got back from a weekend trip), why didn't I see him getting it (I was bringing in groceries, I could see him, but wasn't looking at what he was doing... but, I saw it soon enough that the pills were just wet & spit out... none swallowed). Anyway, they said that was all they needed. I think it was just a heads up on the fact that they were starting a file on us!!

Hopefully that is all this is... probably just want to see the family dynamic & make sure your child is in a loving home. What to do? Be honest & forthright. Explain that there is a difference in discipline and abuse (if asked). Tell them you never discipline out of anger, but after a warning in order to follow through with what you have told the child is going to happen in hopes that it won't come to a swat. Tell them you did it out of love, because your #1 job is to raise a happy, productive adult who understands consequences. If you are as geniune with them as you are on here, then I am sure things will be fine.


Best wishes!

Answer 8

From what I have heard in my nineteen years, to stories like this, there are much worse ones and you're in a pretty good position. You're six-year-old son is still an innocent; he probably didn't realize what he did, unless that is he has an extreme hate against someone, something. Anyway, they'll send a social worker or someone, and he/she will check things out; the house, living conditions for everyone, the backyard, the food, entertainment, beds, Little League trophies, etc.
What it seems to me is that you could use more family time ? Giving attention to your kids at their youth goes a long way. Trust me. However, don't give them too much, they need space for their friends and for themselves.
With Little Leagues/sports, my only advice on this is not too much so they don't run together in times.
When your son grows and you tell him this story, don't be harsh or laugh.
Prayers for your Family
--Learning from Abusive Past

Answer 9

I'd never thought that I'd see the day when children threaten parents by calling CPS. Your son didn't do that, but all the same, he told someone about the spanking and it got blown out of proportion.

But don't freak out yet. Once they see your home is a loving one, you probably won't be seeing them again. Talk to your son about what's going on and probably tell him about what a foster kid's life is like. He'll probably change his tune and thank his lucky stars!

Answer 10

Yes but before that you should be spanked first as to understand the punishment fully. I will do this for you with my divine hand as it will be the only way you will ever learn. You must remove your pants and bend over on my lap and submit yourself to your punishment only then will you feel the error of your ways. As for what type of tool I will use for my execution, will most likely be my left hand it is the simplest yet most effective way to deal with your punishment. No clothing only your bare bottom to my firm hand. I will spank you hard and just until your behind is scarlet red. I take no pleasure in this as you must be taught your lesson. I'll deliver blow after blow despite any cries for help and if you resist I will have no choice but to tie you down and deliver more spankings on to your soft bare flesh bottom. This and only after this will you be able to properly punish your daughter for making silly faces at you while you receive your training.