My dad has cancer?

Question

Right now im gong through the hardest time of my life, my dad has cancer and is very sick, im just in the wierdest position right at this moment like I dont know what to do or how to cope. Im 23, so its hard to understand why this is happening and what can I do? I almost feel like my life is at a stop, and I cant do anything, as it is just so hard to work and do normal thaings day to day. Im not sure how to do everything like carry on with my job to pay bills etc, it just doesnt seem worth it anymore. Any helping suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
James.

Answer 1

i can almost relate i am 39 years old and my dad was sick for almost 2 months lost alot of weight in a short period of time throwing up no appetite tired always sleeping went to th edrs thinking he was going to be in an out thought it was acid reflux disease well he was in the drs office for 2 hrs while i was waiting in the other room well they took blood gave him a breathing test a rectal a chest xray a catscan and a ultra sound the dr came out and said to me he has so many things wrong with him i was in a state of panic the blood showed he had hpylori bacteria infection in his tummy then the ultra sound showed spots on his kidneys i was a wreck i couldnt sleep eat go to work i cried all th etime i was mean to my husband because i was so angry i am very close to my dad as i am an only child so i can relate to what you are saying the point i am trying to make is that you didnt say anything about it being terminal which i hope its not not that any kind of cancer is a good thing be there for him and if you feel like crying do it dont hold back its a hard thing to deal with and what you are going through is normal you love your dad as i love mine best of luck to you i hope all works out for your dad

Answer 2

Hi James, sorry to hear what you are going thru. You just don't cope but you will find inner strength to deal with this. Where is your Dads cancer?? Is it terminal? I am 29 and know exactly where you are and how you feel. My Mum was diagnosed in May this year with kidney cancer. When discovered it had already spread to her liver and lung. She pasted away Sept 7, after only a 4 month battle aged 60. It is the WORST feeling watching your love one suffer, your life cant be the same. I worked at a top hair salon managing 15 staff, i was highly motivated and successful. I quit my job to care for Mum i found it too hard to work, my mind was always thinking about Mum and my anxiety levels where thru the roof. I didn't care about anything anymore and i also felt nothing seemed worth while and i still dont!! I'm going back to work part time, i have NO motivation what so ever. Your only 23 so your friends probably dont know how to support you. that is what i have found anyway. What you are experiencing is anticipatory grief, contact me if you need support or info. Ps i hope you dont quit your plumbing apprenticeship.. get a trade behind you then go do different things you can always come back to your trade later on. If its anything like aussie plumbers they get paid a fortune!!

Answer 3

I don't have any suggestions, but I can empathize with you. My brother is dying from cancer. He has a very fast, very aggressive form of cancer. He just barely found out about it a few months ago and went through a couple months of chemo-therapy that didn't help at all. He's going downhill quite fast. Everything you described as experiencing, is what I've been experiencing, too. Not knowing what to do, not knowing how to cope. I go to sleep worrying about it, I wake up and worry about it all day. It is very difficult to carry on. It's as though someone tied a ton of bricks to my heart and it's too heavy to drag around and has me stopped. My appetite is messed up. I get headaches. Sometimes I feel like I'm really going to 'lose it'. I feel so helpless. Nothing seems to matter. He's suffering and dying and there's nothing I can do about it. It's a terrible feeling. Every once in awhile a friend or someone will say something comforting, but the comfort, though greatly appreciated, only lasts a moment. I don't have any helpful suggestions, I'm not sure there are any. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

Answer 4

It's a very difficult time when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. Especially a rapid cancer that dramatically reduces their quality of life at a fast rate.

The best thing to do, is talk with your family members about it. You'll probably get the most support from them. Talking about your feelings with people that understand will greatly help. If he's in the hospital I believe they have consolers available for family consoling for these sort of situations.

Spend time with your father, and instead of trying to focus on how horrible things are, talk about good memories that you shared together or funny moments. Laughter is always the best medicine... it might not be a cure but it does help.

You didn't say anything about how bad the cancer is, it's better to be an optimist. Doctors can also be very pessimistic and almost rather heartless when giving a diagnosis. Informing yourself of the cancer, and the medication process your dad is going through will probably help.

It's hard focusing on the seemingly minor things of life such as working, and the daily menial tasks we are faced with. You should be able to take time off for your dads health concern with out losing your job. The Family Medical Leave Act...I don't think they have to pay you while you are out, but losing your job because you need time away should be the least of your worries. For more information on that check with your bureau of labor industries.

Just be open about it and share your feelings with your family, and friends. I've always tried to have the optimistic outlook about such things... like at least there is warning and you have time to prepare for your loss, rather than suddenly have them go with out a chance to make your peace.

I really hope this helps. I wish the best for you and your father.

Answer 5

Do something about it. Educate him. Buy him the book "The Cancer Battle Plan." Some people like/want to be educated, others want to place their loved ones in the hands of the medical community. Look at the stats from 1971 when the "War on Cancer" was declared. Then we had 1 out of 33 diagnosed with cancer. Today it's 1 out of 2 men. Do you think the medical community has a good handle on cancer? I don't think so.

So, to educate him, if he wants to be educated, all you can do is offer. If he's like my Dad who puts his trust in medical doctors and had a heart attack a few years ago, that's his business. But I feel it's my obligation to at least tell him about a way that can make a huge impact in his health so he'll be able to see your kids grow up. I've just about given up on my Dad, maybe you'll be more lucky.

Start with http://www.hacres.com , http://www.cancertutor.com , http://www.pcrm.org and Dr. Lorraine Day's video "Drugs Never Cure Disease." The steps that most of these people recommend are:

1) 75-90% raw diet, fresh juices a large part of that for extra nutrion, needs to be vegetarian to do any good
2) Water (10 glasses a day)
3) Exercise.
4) Sunshine.
5) Eliminating waste (at least 2 BMs a day), organic coffee enemas can help cleanse and remove toxins
6) Fresh air/oxygen
7) Getting rid of toxins (flouride, drugs, caffeine, olestra/oleine, msg, saccharin) in your diet, elimination of smoking, any refined products (sugar and flour are big ones)
8) Sleep.
9) Removing stress. Right, you have to quit your job to properly heal.
10) No traveling.
11) Conviction to stay on the plan.
12) Stay positive. No TV, newspaper - they're negative. No more research on this stressful site. Pick your plan and do it 100%.
13) Admit you caused the disease, now do something about it.
14) Spend time with the Lord. Approach this with a clean heart, you can't have sin in your life and succeed. Your releationship with God will grow as a result of your sickness.

Hopefully he's amenable to improving his health. Good luck to you both.