Did I make the right decision? Christian answers only please.?

Question

Here's my situation: About a month ago, my boyfriend told me that in the past he has watched porn and masturbated but he really wanted to quit. He has already taken some steps such as getting rid of the Internet so he couldn't look at it on there and reading books about sex addiction. When he told me, he brought it up even though he could have hid it from me (we don't live together or anything so I probably wouldn't have known.) I was completely disgusted, as he expected I would be and I had a really hard time with it. He destroyed all of the porn that he had. I was torn about what to do. One thing you have to know is that I'm a virgin and am waiting til I'm married. He completely respects my decision and has been so wonderful about it. I can't help but think that God put us together for a reason, maybe to help him through this. He said he can feel himself changing for the better. Did I do the right thing, as a Christian, by sticking with him?

In case it helps:
I am 23, he is 29.
I attend church regularly and am very active in it. He doesn't attend church but told that he wants to because he knows it's a big part of my life and that if he is going to be a part of my life, church will have to be a part of his too. He brought that up, and is planning on attending in the near future.

I truly do love him and want to look past this. I just am wondering if I am doing the right thing or if I'm blinded by my feelings for him...if that makes sense...

Answer 1

oops! atheist!

so another christian male tries to go up against the male urges...just like a WW2 bomber above a flak infested airfield its only a matter of time til he come down crashing and burning in failure.

you cant get around these feelings, neither can he. its a part of life. instead of trying to get around thm youre going to have to get through them normally.

look at the people who deny their feelings...like priests...they end up releasing pent up sexual attention on those who they can take advantage of...like little altar boys. im not trying to be lewd or anything, thats just how it goes. you keep agression in and eventually youll find an outlet for it.

prsonall i dont believe in waiting for marraige. its a nice idea but in the end a bad one...youre only young once and youve only got that youthful body once too...if you like/love him then theres nothing wrong with sex before marraige. all thats required is that both of you are responsible and take every precaution not to mak mistakes.

he will fail in trying to avoid the feelings...its better to deal with them then to try to run away.

but hey what do i know...im just an evil atheist, right?

Answer 2

I think you are asking the wrong question. The question isn't whether you did the right thing by sticking by him, time will tell that. But whether or not he can change without being saved. Going to church is not the answer, and doesn't necessarily solve problems, as is evident everyday by what we read and hear on the news. So him going to church with you can lead you to a sense of false security.

The fact that he was open with you, when he could have hid it, is a good sign. The first step toward salvation is a desire to be saved, and to recognize that you are indeed a sinner, and that there is a God who created you. He seems to possibly be able to do that, or may have already, only he would know that, so ask him.

The next step is knowledge about God and his son. And the knowledge must be accurate, because only the truth can make you free. When and if he accepts Christ as his savior, and is baptized, then comes the work. It is a lifetime of work, and we are told to work out our salvation in fear and trembling. Meaning there is no once saved, always saved, you can lose your salvation. And to think otherwise is what Satan wants you to do, so you can continuously sin, and believe you are forgiven, only to find out when it is too late that you were not.

You must have an understanding of the blood of Christ, why it was shed and what it means to you today. While your boyfriend says he can feel himself changing for the better, you don't feel change. You make it happen. Christianity is an active religion, not a passive one. It is not about feelings, but action. You make the changes,when you become a doer of the word, not just a hearer.

I will pray for both you and your boyfriend. It is a good thing to wait for marriage, and I would encourage you to continue to do so. Stay strong, and don't forget about the blood.

Answer 3

A Christian answer is not what you seek, clearly. Because the Christian answer is a Biblical answer and a Biblical answer absolutely defines what you seek to be sin. One cannot seek to sin and be in Christ. The flesh will always war against the Spirit, but to say that you are "not about to pray away" part of who you are is 100% contrary to the God. Who you say you are is not accurate. We must look at who God says we are and most definitely who we are in Christ. If you are not in Christ, well, then, of course it doesn't matter what anyone says because you are living for you and do not have the same moral standard as the Christian answer you say you want. If you are in Christ, you have a few things to learn and the most pressing one is that - life is not about you and what you think and want and like. There is more that can be said on this particular question, but there is no sense going any further until you make a choice about something far more important that what you say you are asking in this question... do you want to spend eternity in heaven or hell? Everything else pales in comparison to that ultimate question. So it's not about being right or wrong for the sake of getting to have your way... we do not live here for just the now... we are living to determine eternity. Be Blessed! <3

Answer 4

You did well -- as far as it goes. Just make sure you stick to your standards. As unequally-yoked relationships go, your spirituality is in danger by being with him. At the same time, if you can really stick to your spiritual standards, you could certainly be a positive influence on him. Just don't rush into marriage either -- until well after he has become an upstanding member of your church.

However, why does he not just go to church now? Why does it have to be "in the future?" Church is not a haven for saints -- it is a hospital for sinners. The best thing he can do at this point is to go to church whether you are with him or not -- that is, if he is really serious about kicking his addiction. He doesn't have to become a member right away, but he should certainly start attending regularly -- if he is serious about it.

Note: Don't believe that masturbation is necessary for health. The only thing it is good for is satisfying one's own selfish desires for sexual pleasure. Someone mentioned "blue balls" and I can tell you for a surety that is the result of lust -- not need. A healthy diet and exercise does more to keep the reproductive system healthy than does "relieving one's needs."

Answer 5

The Bible does not discuss masturbation at all. This seems a little odd since it is such a strong and prevalent human event. And, given that Leviticus has so much to say about sexuality, one would think it natural that the subject would be covered. But it isn't. Masturbation is not specifically declared to be sinful. Nevertheless, we must be cautious to pronounce something to be sinful or not sinful when God has not discussed it. Therefore, we have to derive principles from scripture on related sexual issues and see if we can wisely apply them to the subject of masturbation.
First of all, sex was created by God for procreative purposes, physical enjoyment, and the demonstration of intimacy between a husband and a wife. In this context, the sexual act is intended to occur in a healthy marriage relationship between husband and wife in purity and holiness. In contrast to this, masturbation is the self stimulation to the point of sexual release without the gifting of a spouse. It would seem that masturbation is a denial of the sexual design of God for couples. But, is it sinful? Again, answering this question is difficult because the Bible does not pronounce it as sin. Nevertheless, there is the principle of purity that is obvious true. Does masturbation fall under the category of purity?
We can say this for sure. If masturbation involves sexual fantasies and/or pornography, then it is certainly not pure and is very sinful.

Answer 6

You are doing well. However, you have to re-evaluate this relationship. You said he does not attend church regularly, he is struggling with lust, etc. Consider what the scriptures say about being unequally yoked.

If your boyfriend is not serious about God, he will drag you down quicker than you can encourage him to stand. And, if you are the one who convinces him to get back in church, he will likely comply because of you, not because of the Lord. That may seem OK on the surface, but on the Kingdom scheme of things, it would be wrong. Then, in complying with you, when he has what he wants, he will revert back to where he is.

If he is actually serious about God, then he should humble himself to seek out counsel from a mature man. The fact that he confessed this to you is disturbing to me. That is, in a supsicious, yet disturbing sort of way. If I were your pastor or your Dad, I would tell you straight away, this guy is not a good idea for a love relationship. Oh, heck, I said it anyway.

I could list a few suspicions I have about this guy, but all I will say is this - I really don't trust him. I don't know either one of you, but what I read here looks like something that will eventually put you in a compromising position. Pray, pray, pray and listen to what the Lord has to say.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Answer 7

First of all- God did not put you together you did. Remember that.

Second- you need to determine what kind of man he is. You can do that, by sitting back and watching. If he is committed, he will stick to it. He needs to find a good counselor, who won't justify his bad behavior, but will help him overcome his addiction. You need to make sure that he is not just saying that to make you feel better, but that he is saying that because it is the truth. Don't make any quick decisions- watch what he does, what kind of shows he watches, where he goes, who he hags with etc... Pay close attention to all of that. Don't get engaged to him until he has kicked this habit for at least a year. If he is watching stuff like the Victoria's Secret fashion show- in my mind he has not kicked the habit. I view this in the same place as alcoholism. You would never take an alcoholic to a bar- don't watch skanky underwear models on tv- that is pretty much porn and just as disrespectful as porn. Does he have swimsuit model calendars- that too is the same thing- it is soft porn. It is intended to invoke the same feelings. Counsel with your clergy.

You need to pray about this and just really observe his actions. Don't blow anything off, or let him make excuses. Most counselors will tell you that this is a hardrer habit to kick than even cocaine.

If he is really wanting to change, then your love and support will mean the world- but don't make that your only reason for staying with him. If he is not ready to change, then no amount of love will change him.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's a perfectly normal male, trying hard to live up to your unreasonable feminine expectations. Grow up, Sweetheart. Men's attitudes about sex and love are entirely different than women's. If you can't live with the fact that your boyfriend is a normal healthy male, you will be making an enormous mistake getting married at all. Men and women are not alike and view sex and love from entirely different perspectives. Frankly, uptight, holier-than-thou virgins such as yourself are generally much more trouble than they're worth. You have much to learn about life, and especially about men, and you won't find any of it in the Bible.

Honestly, unless he's as crazy for Jesus as you are, do each of you an enormous favor and don't get married. If you think a good man should be made to feel guilty and ask to be forgiven for simple pornography and masturbation, you are far too immature and far too much of a prude to ever get married. If you really love him, either become a real woman and sleep with him or set the poor guy free. He won't be happy in the long run, if you force him to buy into your antiquated superstitions and marry you, just to get bad sex.

Answer 9

I don't understand what the problem is.

You like, possibly love, the guy and are saving yourself for marriage, what does his masturbation have to do with it. Sanctification is not the same for all, you should support him in his repentance and maintain the chastity of your marriage until you get married to whomever that may be.

If you must know, I suffer from the same thing and have tried to quit for sometime; it's not easy but with someone else there it could be a lot easier.

BTW, You asked at the perfect time because Y!A broke and now you've received over 150 replies, way to go!

Answer 10

First of all, sex was created by God for procreative purposes, physical enjoyment, and the demonstration of intimacy between a husband and a wife. In this context, the sexual act is intended to occur in a healthy marriage relationship between husband and wife in purity and holiness. In contrast to this, masturbation is the self stimulation to the point of sexual release without the gifting of a spouse. It would seem that masturbation is a denial of the sexual design of God for couples. But, is it sinful? Again, answering this question is difficult because the Bible does not pronounce it as sin. Nevertheless, there is the principle of purity that is obvious true. Does masturbation fall under the category of purity?

Answer 11

First do not judge other, because you will be judged by the same standards that you to judge him. Second forgive so that God the Father will also forgive you.

Third, take the beam from your eye so that you can see the speck in his eye, if you are without sin, than you are blameless, but if you ever told a lie, or gossiped you are not.

Which comes down to your righteousness, you think you are holy, but you are not, you are justing waiting to break the laws of God the Father. By waiting to be married is a sin against God the Father.

Jesus told you that God the Father's will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven, but yet you put the will of men before the will of God.

Jesus told you there are no marriages in heaven, we are as the angels. Jesus also told you thou shall not make any vows or oaths, the marriage is a vow, a promise, an oath, a promise can never be broken, it must be completed, (fulfilled)

This is why Jesus says once you choose, you can never choose another (divorce), what God has joined together let no man put asunder.

This is adultery to choose one than choose another, it can not be done under God the Father's laws.

Look closer at adultery, Jesus is not speaking of a married woman, but only a woman.
Jesus said