I'm not on the best terms with my father, & will be having a baby soon. I want my mother there, but not him?

Question

I have never had a good relationship with my father. Since I have gotten married, it has become even worse. My husband and him do NOT get along. My dad is one of these "know-it-all" types, & if you're not talking about him & his job, he just doesn't want to hear you - My husband HATES this! We had some issues come up over the past year, & I haven't really spoken to him or anything, but now I'm due to have a baby soon, and don't know what to do? Having a baby in my opinion is my husband & our children's "special day" so to speak. I don't feel like I should have to compromise what I want for that day. I really want my mother there, but not my father. I don't need a family argument started on my son's birthday like what happened with my daughters! But he is "forbidding" my mother to be around me if he's not invited. I have my husband, but really want my mom, I feel like I'm in this sort of alone. :-( My mom is very controlled by him, so "what he says goes".

My husband says if my mom can't make her own decisions as a woman & chooses to let him make them for her, I should just forget about it & don't worry about them. But he was adopted, he never knew his real mother, I've always been so close to mine, & that is extremely hard for me to do! I guess that's part of the reason this is upsetting me so much? (That & these raging pregnancy hormones lol)

Answer 1

Wow this is a tough one because there are so many sides to look at. But the one person does not have a choice is that precious baby, therefore I say father hubby mother I want everyone front and center for my babies birthday. This is his day everyone will put their differences on hold.He deserves to have his entire family present to coo over him and say this is my grandchild and this is my child. They can go back to their nonsense tomorrow, You should not be put in this its not fair. This is suppose to be the happiest time of your life.Don't forget to have the video ready when he makes his or her grand debut into this old world and when he grows up he will see his entire family there for his or her birth. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Answer 2

I would honestly just try to make contact with your mother. Let her know that if she chooses to miss the single most important day in her daughter/grandchild's life because her "husband has forbidden it" than that is just fine with you.

But tread carefully, women who do live under the thumb of their husbands will usually choose their husbands.

There is nothing you can do to get your mother there other than to appeal to her sense of mom. You absolutely cannot sacrifice your husbands feelings on the most important day of his child's life to placate your ridiculous father.

I have to say, I am so sorry for you. I wish there was something more that I could say.... Good luck with the birth and remember, it's about you and the baby and your husband, not the drama, your parents or anything else in the world!

Answer 3

This is not that hard. He is your father and good or bad, you should just be polite and act like an adult.

When you have your baby, that will require your presence. I would also think that you would want the father to be there. Everyone else, including your mother, would be a "guest". I would not have your mother there either.

Be the adult. Be polite. That says more about you than it does about him.

Answer 4

That sucks that your mom lets him control her. I hope that she has enough courage to be with you and not listen to him. Or I hope he has enough respect to let your mother be with you, when you need her.
Good luck and congrats on the baby!

Answer 5

I agree with your husband.
You're the Mother now.
Let it be him that's with you,
or one of your Girlfriends.

Your Mother will be sorry one day.
Pray for her,
I just did.