My b/f of about 6 months has asked me to move in with him. neither of us have been married and we both are 30+ with no kids. There hasnt been any talk of marriage between us, but he does say things about getting married and having kids in the future. Im afraid to jump into anything because my ultra-conservative family will disown me if I did move in with him. This is an issue because despite working 2 good paying jobs, in my area housing is so high I cant afford a place on my own (and still pay off my student loans) so I live with family. So If it didnt work out, I'd be out of luck. I really love this guy and he loves me too.He has gone as far as to order a new king sized bed, clean out half his closet and straighten out his apartment so there's be "room" for me. Ive told him that during the holidays isnt a good time to drop that on my family, he agreed. Id love some polite advise on this. thanks guys!
2007-11-19 08:25:09 · 13 answers · asked by ladysmokeater 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Personally I believe in "shacking" before you wed. However, for a variety of reasons,it is not for everybody. I think in your case you have to weigh all pros and cons before you make the leap. A whole new set of rules...and situations occur when people share their residence and bed. Its like being married, just not legal. You don't want to put yourself in a situation that if it didn't work out(for whatever reason) you would have to endure it for a longer period because you would not have no place to go. Remember love is not enough...it takes a whole lot more(patience, consideration, respect, compatibility, devotion, maturity) just to name a few. You could also fall out of love...it happens all the time. You've only known each other for six months and lived separately. Its a whole new ball game when you live with someone.
A good idea is to make a list of rules , or by laws, and be very explicit. Hopefully this will give a better understanding before you make your final decision.
Good luck!
2007-11-19 08:51:21 · answer #1 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it would work out. My bf and I kinda moved in after nearly a year into the relationship and now after just 3 months of cohabiting we have broken up! And to make it worse, he used to assure me that I was the one for him and if he would ever marry some one it would be ME, blah blah blah!! So much for that. Now he tells me he's confused and not sure what he wants from life, etc..?!!
My family (my mum and bros coz my dad's always abroad on business so he didn't get the complete picture as we didn't make him aware of the situation, otherwise, he would have shot me for sure!) was against the idea but I was stubborn and went along anyways. I was so sure things would turn out great and we would get married sometime soon in the future. In vain! Now I regret it and would think 50 times before jumping into such a situation! Thankfully my family has kept a tight lip on it (till now) and try not to taunt me on the past mistakes!
At least I had a family to come back to but if your family is super conservative I don't think it a good idea to get disowned and if things don't work out between you and your bf, what would be your options then?
Give it a serious thought before taking any action. After all, it is not worth it to lose it all over a guy you have only known for 6 months. People walk out on you even after years of familiarity! Besides, It's not only a matter of turning family against you but your future and how you would manage financially once things don't work out.
Good Luck!
2007-11-19 16:48:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you both are old enough to do whatever you want. But as I read your question. Well my advise to you get a 2 bedroom apt. in which you can have your own privacy. seems like he wants the milk without buying the cow. He talks about mariage talk is only what you going to get. I think if your expecting real hard issues with your parents honor that by getting 2 bedrooms. My friends did that & did not last to long & ended up splitting up but still live together. If this livin does not work oout you still your privacy and a place to live.
2007-11-19 16:50:18 · answer #3 · answered by Herman L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Always a good idea to live together first. You can never know how two people will react in a conhabitation situation until you do it. Waiting until marriage is setting yourself up for trouble because of all the unknowns. If the two of you aren't sure if you are heading toward marriage then living together will clear that up as well. After a while you will know for sure if this is the right person to spend the rest of your life with, trust me. And after doing it, if you decide you are better off as friends- then you still have a great roommate.
2007-11-19 16:30:28 · answer #4 · answered by shadowlands99 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well, u said it ur self, it will be like a bomb when u tell ur family, but again u are an adult. and u can afford an apartment in the meantime. but if u do decide to move in, which by the way it think it's too soon, but it seems like he doesn't want to wait, which is good. but if u do decide to move with him, make sure u have a plan b. always have alternatives if ur not sure of something.
good luck
2007-11-19 16:55:28 · answer #5 · answered by grace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met my boyfriend 2 and half years ago, within 5 months we had moved in to our first place, a year on from that we brought our first house, we are now discussing wedding dates and the best time to start our family.
When it feels right you have to go for it, you are lucky to have met someone you love and should make the most of it whilst you can.
Good luck!
2007-11-19 16:35:05 · answer #6 · answered by Amanda M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 months is waaaay too soon. Give it more time. Your family has not had enough time to like this person let alone be okay with you living together. Be Patient!! Let the fam have some time to get to know him, maybe then they will let you go without disowning you.
2007-11-19 16:32:30 · answer #7 · answered by mrsdeli 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't do it. If you plan on marrying him this would pretty much insure you will never get married. I have lived with a boyfriend and it turned out horrible. It is completely different than living with someone who you are married to. If he loves you he will marry you and then you will move in. If he wants you to just move in it is like having an unpaid whore. He will not respect you when all is said and done.
2007-11-19 16:30:09 · answer #8 · answered by sgirl714 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
well 6 months is a lil early to be moving in with someone. But if you really love him and you know for sure it will work then y not give it a chance. But if things dont work then idk what to tell you on that.
2007-11-19 16:31:10 · answer #9 · answered by tinker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like youve got things under control. you kno what your doing you have thought about it in the good ways & bad ways & i am totallyy with you except one thing & that is that youve only been together for 6 months. give it more time & youll see if thats what you really wanna do.
2007-11-19 16:29:06 · answer #10 · answered by sO*happy 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋