Is this incredibly rude or is it just me?

Question

My sister just became engaged a week ago. She is now in the throes of planning her wedding. She lives several states away. She just called me, and wanted to talk about her wedding plans. She asked me for my boyfriend's number, because she just assumed he would be videotaping her wedding (he is a videographer) for free, and that he would come with a multi-camera setup and do full editing for this. That is about a $4000 proposition, and she just ASSUMES he is (not only going to do it) but to do it for free.

I thought that was about the rudest thing I have ever heard, and declined to give her his # if that is the only thing she is going to use it for. If she wanted to just call and ask politely, or have a conversation, I would have given it to her - but not so she can demand things.

I told her I would tell him what she said, and give him her # if he wants to call.

Did I do the right thing?

I think a reasonable request would be to ask him nicely to bring just ONE camera setup, and to film just the ceremony (he just has to set it up and go) and maybe a few candids at the reception (garter, bouquet, etc.) - that would be a lot more reasonable, and still free him up to be able to socialize like a guest instead of hired help.

Answer 1

Your additional paragraph after your question sounds like you're backing down. To your original question, did you do the right thing, I say yes, not only the right thing, but also the classy thing. Your boyfriend can't necessarily be assumed to be her future brother-in-law, either. I think you've got more class than your sister, and that you shouldn't subject your boyfriend to her presumptions. Also think you should drop her a note or call her -- whichever you usually do -- and give her the $4000 notice.

Answer 2

Generally, people in the throes of planning their weddings do and say all sorts of crazy things, so don't hold it against her.

That said, you and your bf should be guests at the wedding (or participants, if you're going to be a bridesmaid), not the hired help. Find some way to gently communicate to your sis that you and bf would be delighted to attend your wedding and that you'll be bringing an appropriate gift. Also find some way to communicate to bf that he's under no obligation to record the wedding and produce a multi-camera professionally-edited video for free, even though he'll be tempted to do so just as a favor to you.

Answer 3

Bridezillas are born because women get so wrapped up in themselves. Your sister needs a reality check, and you seem to have dropped the ball. I would have told her "wait! you can't ask him to do a job that big for nothing! He'll be so mad at both of us!" And then had a discussion with her about what you think would be all right to request of your boyfriend. Partly based on what you see with him in your future: are the two of you going to get engaged? What if you break up before sister's wedding? Is your sister going to end up as your bf's sister-in-law? These are things you should talk with her about - your own relationship with the bf, and with your sister.
You need to open the communication door with your sister - of course your bf is going to take his cues from you and it's going to be hard for him now. What do you think should be your bf's role in the wedding? Somewhere between doing the whole job for nothing, and charging her his regular rate: you and bf need to talk about that, then you should talk with your sister some more. Don't let her wedding take over your relationship with her.

Answer 4

That was a rude thing, you can not utilise a man like that . Your sister would have been inviting him to the wedding and ask for suggestions about video taping, since he is in the proffesion. And if he suggests........... then..... You must tell him the entire episode and what you feal. Otherwise what is the difference between you and your sister.

Answer 5

That is downright rude. I would never even consider doing anything at that great a monetary value for free, for anybody at any time. Not to mention the fact that it would be highly unreasonable- and risky- for your man to tote that photographic equipment all the way there. There is a high risk of it being damaged or stolen en route. So yes, you had every right to be ticked off at her.

Answer 6

Yes. You should have her call and ask if he would/can/is available to do it and HOW MUCH HE WOULD CHARGE... if he offers a discount, that is up to him, or if he would do it at all. I would expect he would not do it for free, but for cost (of film, photo develop charges etc.)

wow, that WAS mighty inconsiderate of your sister, but give her a chance to apologize and rectify her mistake, she's only human.
Explain to her her mistake, and what was the proper way to handle it. it is a learning opportunity for her. (and hopefully she won't make the mistake again)

Answer 7

She should have ASKED you if you would ask him, or at least made it known that she is going to ASK him to tape it. I wouldn't expect somebody to do all that for free anyway. Maybe at a discount or maybe on a donation basis (what she can afford). But to think you're going to get something for free, no way.

Answer 8

Did she specifically say she wanted him to do it free? I don't believe anyone can expect a $4000 job for free! Maybe she just wanted a good discount!!!

Answer 9

You sure did! If she would have called your bf he would have ended up feeling obligated - which he isn't. She is being very rude by expecting such a service from him and for free no less!!

Answer 10

Absolutely. I would never expect such work from my future brother-in-law, unless he offered. And even if he did offer to do it for free, I would most certainly attempt to compensate him. Your sister is selfish for assuming he would not need to be paid for his services....he has to make a living too!