Okay, so my fiance is white. People who have read other posts from me probably know that by now. We are very much in love, my whole family has met him and they all love him because he loves me and I'm happy. I have spent a lot of time with him, his parents and his sister who's his only sibling. They all love me. Me and his mom are very close, I call her mom. But, on Thanksgiving I will be going to his sister's house for dinner. Like I said before, his sister loves me. But some of his other relatives will be there. Relatives I have yet to meet, and he has described them as "Red Neckish". His grand parents, he has been kind of estranged from for a while because of the whole interracial dating issue. He's said they've kind of mellowed on the idea of it, because they have learned that he is attracted to black women and that is who he chose/chooses to be with. But honestly they don't like it, but accept it for the most part. So, I am nervous about meeting them. Advice pls
2007-11-19 07:04:35 · 10 answers · asked by Opinionated 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Lol, thanks for the help everyone. Keep it coming. I am a nice person, and very genuine, so I couldn't see being anybody other than myself. Certainly not a black panther, Lol, don't think I would be marrying a white man if I were. But I am aware of what it's like to be looked at as less than someone else because of my skin color. I've personally experienced racism first hand and I'm strong enough as a person to be able to live my life knowing what I know. And to still be able to live my life without a chip on my shoulder. But I am human, and while I can ignore things and say "Oh, it doesn't matter they are just bigotted." It doesn't change the fact that it hurts and will hurt my feelings if I encounter that on what is supposed to be a day of Thanksgiving. Hence my anxiety........ Also, there are children involved. I have two children from a previous relationship, he has one. A reason he was estranged from his grandparents is because of his daughter who is bi-racial.
2007-11-19 07:28:44 · update #1
When you meet them, be respectful, be polite, be friendly, and most importantly be confident. It sounds like the important people, your BF, his parents and sister (the hostess) are in your corner. If the grands get out of hand, first see if your BF and/or his family defend you. If they don't, be firm and calm in standing up for yourself. (And if the BF doesn't defend you, then that's a whole other issue)
If the grands are decent, they will be polite and you won't have to put up with any backhanded compliments, subtle insults, or even brazen ones on this first meeting.
Go expecting to have a pleasant time.
Good Luck
2007-11-19 07:19:17 · answer #1 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be yourself, assuming yourself is a likable person. Don't react negatively if his relatives seem standoffish. It may take them getting to know you to change their views on the interracial matter. You need to look at this as a chance to educate the uninformed about experiencing new things. If you go in with a chip on your shoulder, you are only going to validate their preconceived notions about black people (assuming that those views are negative). Then again, you may be pleasantly surprised by their reactions.
2007-11-19 15:12:13 · answer #2 · answered by anna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it might be an uncomfortable situation. But my advice to you is to just be yourself and hopefully the see the person that your fiance and his mother and sister do.
I know that isn't much help, but i don't think there is anymore you can do.
Just keep in mind if they are judging you based on anything but your personality, they are in the wrong, not you.
Happy Thanksgiving
2007-11-19 15:14:11 · answer #3 · answered by Blow at High Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister once had a relationship with a pakistani. she is greek orthodox. well, she was afraid that our family would not accept him, since he was dark and of an other religion. But guess what? My parents just loved him because he was a great person. If you really love your boyfriend, his relatives will see that and will accept you.
2007-11-19 15:14:08 · answer #4 · answered by sehn71 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can totally understand where you are coming from! (been there done that) What I remind myself is... THIS is OUR relationship - not theirs! You can't explain to them why you are black & he is white, can you? It's like explaining why the sky is blue & the grass is green! It just is... And be as nervous as you must! This is a huge step for you... But I betcha you'll both be just fine!
2007-11-19 15:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just relax and be yourself. Enjoy the dinner with them. They'll soon see that you both love each other and perhaps they would like you too like the rest of his immediate family.
2007-11-19 15:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by me33a 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be yourself..unless of course, you're a black panther...then id resist the urge to hold up a fist and say "black power" or anything that begins with "say it loud..." ..okay pretty corny but...u need to just be yourself...
2007-11-19 15:18:40 · answer #7 · answered by meaniemobeeney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you just go with the flow, everything will be fine
if they dont like you beacuse of your race, ignore them. you sound like a nice person, with a nice guy
hope everything goes well
2007-11-19 15:13:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't think about him. Just think about the love that ya'll share on a strong foundation
2007-11-19 15:08:36 · answer #9 · answered by Ms.K33p !t R3@l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be polite and yourself. he loves you for you right? and you love him for him.
2007-11-19 15:09:07 · answer #10 · answered by *NightLover* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋