There's this guy that I've been dating for quite some time now. I wanted to see him before Thanksgiving Day. He told me because it's a short week, can we do something the following week. I told him that I was sick of seeing him on his terms and that he's not worthy of my time. Now, I never heard back. ANy advice? Thanks.
2007-11-19 06:32:39 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
if he is manipulating you then you have already done the right thing. you just have to ask yourself if he is worth you comprimising for him. dont forget both partners need to make sacrifices in a relationship
2007-11-19 06:37:33 · answer #1 · answered by notzimmer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it is true that he is calling all the shots on when and how you see each other, I think this is a legitimate concern on your part and you were right in stating so. The second part about him not being worthy of your time is rather harsh and would lead him to believe that you no longer want to see him. I would get in touch with him and let him know that you did not state your concern well because you were frustrated and that if he is interested in continuing the relationship you would like to apologize for the harsh tone, but need to settle the inequity in the terms of the relationship. Good luck. m
2007-11-19 06:39:26 · answer #2 · answered by *ifthatswhatyoureinto* 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, even though I don't know the terms of your relationship, what you told him is true. Why should you live on his terms. A relationship should be built on a mutual basis. It's a give and take philosophy. If you haven't heard back from him since the day you told him that, then I'd say he really wasn't worth your time or effort. I don't know how serious you two are; however, spending quality time often is a key factor in any relationship. Sounds like your boyfriend is maybe juggling a few relationships? I don't know, but if he sees you when HE wants to but is unavailable when YOU want to see him, maybe it's a blessing he hasn't contacted you.
2007-11-19 06:41:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't necessarily have chosen this week to bring up that if you truly were having a problem with it. Holiday weeks always are the exception to things like this. With family, getting everything done at work in 3 days instead of 5 and getting ready for the holiday itself----it can get really crazy. If you are truly having a problem with always adjusting to his schedule-you need to talk to him about it at a more appropriate time.
But if you have not heard back from him yet and you are just "dating"-especially casually, you may have ticked him off enough for him to just throw in the towel. I know that response during this week probably would have threw me over the edge since I am EXTREMLY BUSY this week. If he does contact you- i recommend saying your sorry about the way you confronted him on it but ask to get together with him sometime soon. When and if that happens-you need to figure out where you guys are. If you have been "dating for some time now", why aren't you celebrating the holiday with him?? Stop wasting your time on him if this is going no where for both of you and you have to do all the schedule re-arranging to be with him. Sounds like with the lack of want/ability to re-arrange his own schedule for you-he may not be as interested as you thought.
2007-11-19 06:40:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you told him he's not worth your time, why should he call you again? You essentially gave him an ultimatum - either he sees you this week, or he doesn't ever get to see you again.
So yes, it was harsh, but sometimes the truth is harsh. If that is how you honestly feel, then it was right that you told him. If you didn't really mean it and were just trying to guilt him into seeing you, then that was unfair.
Decide for yourself if this issue is resolvable, if you two can compromise on it. If you can't see any compromise, then the relationship is over and you should move on. If you think compromise is possible, then call him to apologize for losing your temper and suggest working out this issue.
2007-11-19 06:38:39 · answer #5 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it couldve been harsh, but i think u did the right thing, cuz after all u gotta stand up for urself, and he should try to do whats best for both of u. the part where u said hes not worthy ur time is kinda harsh. but hey, if he really loves u hes gonna miss u and hang out with u this week. but if he doesnt, then call him the week after thanksgiving and ask to hang out
good luck
2007-11-19 06:46:03 · answer #6 · answered by Kristina K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't see the phrase "not worthy of my time" as anything else but harsh. I would suggest waiting until after thanksgiving to approach him, apologize, and explain your thoughts behind it. I know that I would have been offended if someone told me that. You might have done irreversible harm to your relationship.
If you come to him humbly, he may be able to get past this.
Good luck.
2007-11-19 06:45:21 · answer #7 · answered by john k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only thing i see wrong with what you said was that he wasn't worth your time. there's no reason to ever say that. right now he's probally healing his ego wound, so just let him be for like five days. and send a funny or deep hallmark card and hand deliver the card to him and make him a desert that you know is his faveorite. hopefully you can prove to him that you still really care and love him, and that he IS worth your time, considering the fact you'll be spending all that time winning him back. if it doesnt' work out, just think of this as a lesson to chill out
2007-11-19 06:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by mnd_hunt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aaah, Karen... the first part of your reply to him was fine. However to tell someone that they are not 'worthy' of you when based on that is a bit... um... yeah, harsh.
I'm not sure I would have contacted you either after that. I suggest you try to make amends in some way.
Please remember that the first part was good. He needs to know this. If you care for each other, all discussions are open to a solution. Good luck to you both.
2007-11-19 06:38:31 · answer #9 · answered by Tom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it kind of depends -- was this the first time he blew you off? If not, and if you're sick of it, then you were just being honest. You can always call him and tell him you're sorry you may have come across harsh and that you didn't mean to but you were hurt and it's just how you reacted to the situation, whether good or bad.
2007-11-19 06:37:40 · answer #10 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You just told him you were through spending time on him. That is why he did not answer you, If I got a message like that I would presume it was over. If you still want to see him, you need to call and let him know that.
Also you can explain what you said so he does not think your done with him.
2007-11-19 06:38:14 · answer #11 · answered by L. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋