parents: what will you tell your kids?

Question

you were all teens once, and im sure you did atleast one thing behind your parents back. If you were a bad teen, do you worry about your child when they approach that age? what are you going to tell them? are you going to be stricter?like for example you lost ur virginity at 16, would you let your child date? what if they asked you would you tell them the truth, or are some things best kept hidden?tell me some stuff, that you did that worries you as a parent now, etc.

Answer 1

I was a bad teen and I DO worry about my daughter doing the same things I had done. At this point, she is only 4 so I guess i'll wait and see what kind of teen she grows in to and handle it from there. I can say that it will be very difficult for her to get things passed me. I know almost every trick in the book ;)

Answer 2

Wow good question! I did many things as a teen that I would not approve of my children doing. Doesn't mean that mine won't. I think the best defense I have with them is to be honest and open, and let them know I am there for them, no matter what. I became pregnant at 16 and clearly remember the hell my mother put me through (during an already difficult time), I will never make my children feel that way. I believe if I tell them that I made poor choices, and have had to work very hard to reverse those choices, that they will understand that I am not just being a "mom", but I am preparing them and protecting them. Life is only fun if you live, and in living we sometimes make mistakes or do things that we regret, and most times it makes life that much better. Now my hubby on the other hand..yeah he is not allowed to tell them anything about his teenhood until they are out of theirs, lol. (Drugs, promiscuity, accidental arson, etc.)

All in all, I think honesty is always the best policy, our kids are not stupid and as we all know they will go to extreme lengths to go against us. The problem with parents nowadays is that we are afraid of our kids. We can't spank them; it's abuse, we can't talk to them like adults; that's "being a friend, we are all so wound up in ourselves that we are forgetting about the kids and their needs. I worry everyday that I will not be able to counsel mine enough, but no matter what I will still love them and be here for them unconditionally.

Answer 3

I think all you can do is teach them to be empathetic and at the same time smart. Street smart to be exact. Talk to them from the time they are young about things. For example if you see something violent or upsetting on TV tell them why that is fake or wrong. The most you can do, like it or not, is prepare them for the world. Then they will make their own decisions regardless of how much to try to stop them. In some ways it is better for them to learn from their mistakes earlier than go off to college or out into the real world and make bad mistakes there.
One thing I have learned from being a parent is you really can't control anything. Yikes, I know. The one thing you can do for your children is to teach them how to be a thinker. Oh, one of the joys of parenthood.

For example the virginity thing you mentioned. Try to teach them age isn't as important an issue as the circumstances / relationship. If they are in a committed loving relationship, a healthy relationship then it is their decision (but be safe). Then all you can do is hope you have raised them to be a thinker and they will be able to make this choice for themselves. You can tell them you wishes too. ie: I wish I would have waited until I was older than 16 because.......

Answer 4

I worry about how my child will act when she reaches my age all the time.. I had my daughter when I was 15 and I'm only 18 now. I worry that she will make the same mistakes as me.. I feel that if me and my mother would have had more communication that I wouldn't be in most of the situations that I'm in now.. My mother didn't try to talk to me about sex and things like that until I was already pregnant..I had asked her before if I could get on birth control and she said no.. I want me and my daughter to have the kind of relationship where she feels that she can talk to me about anything and I will be open and honest with her.. I would let my child date at 16 if she showed me that she was responsible and could handle any situation that she came to.. I want my daughter to be completely honest with me because I am going to be completely honest with her no matter what.
The things that I did when I was younger were mostly for attention I believe that and the fact that i am selfish. I worry that if I have another child that I will put more time and attention into my youngest daughter rather than keeping it equal. For example my younger sister who is 15 is very spoiled she could ask for anything and get it yet if i ask for the same thing i get told no. My sister has done things way worse than I have yet my parents treat her as if she's the perfect child. She doesnt do these things in private she does them in public and boasts about them.
I do not want that to be the case between my family if I decide to have another child. I want all of my children to feel as if they are being given the same attention and treatment equally.
I feel that communication and discipline are the main ways to raise your child.

Answer 5

I agree it is hypocrital why would parents say don't talk to strangers and let them go knocking on STRANGER doors saying trick or treat. Well some parents just like there children to enjoy halloween even though it is dangerous to let them eat candy that can or will make them sick. Well it's dangerous because how do parents know they're food poisoning in the candy, or the adults or teenagers who had out candy could've put in a drop of alchohal or poison. I definatly agree with parents are being hypocrital.

Answer 6

Yep I done some things as a teen ( even as a preteen) that was wrong.
Am I gonna lie to my daughter about it?
No.
I'm hoping that if I'm honest and tell her like it is that she will learn from my mistakes and not want to make them herself.

But I can say this.

I will better prepare her than I was at that age.

I will keep a closer eye on the things that are going on in her life than what my family did with me.
I will try to help her make the right choices or at least safer choices then I did.

Answer 7

Well I am going to be more open with my kids. I don't expect my kids to be perfect but having a open relationship makes it easier. My teen has sex and I am ok with it I know she uses protection and she knows she can come tell me. I would rather her do that then sneak behind my back and get pregnate and wind up bringing another life into it all. I think you can only teach your children so much what they choose to do with the information is their choice. All teens will rebel to a certain point. However having open communication is the key. You have to take into account that you start young. Between 6-11 years old is the most important time to start installing values. If you wait tell 13 its too late. You have to start young. Also you can't expect perfect. Idealy it would be nice to wait tell marriage to lose your virgenity but we don't live in a ideal world.

Answer 8

Me I was 13 years old whenI ran away from an abusive parent and I never returned home,I'm scaried my sons will run away to(they aren't being abused) but it does scare me they may run away you know.I'm going to tell them the truth like I always do.My boys are 15,13,10 and I worry about them day in and day out,in what they may get into and what they may do if pressured and that is why we have weekly discussions about whats going on in their lives.I love my children all the same and i'm going to do my darnest to make sure that they don't do the things I've done and they understand that i'm here for them like I should be.

Answer 9

my child can ask any question they want and i will not sugar coat the answer. Explanations come after, where in they(child) must understand that we also accept concequences of thier actions.
I worry about dangerous boys with my daughter, and addictive habbits they could pick up when older. but the best thing I can do is be honest on what happens when they choose the 'wrong things'.
the hardest part for me is making sure they understand this.
As well as teach them to make smart decisions for themselves.

Answer 10

Teach your children well and you won't have to be so concerned . You will see as they are growing up and maturing how much more guidance they need. Be consistent and clear in what you do. My boys are 19 and 15 now and they have learned by example and have made some of their own mistakes...not bad ones but learning mistakes. Allow them to make a mistake and learn from it.