child has no bed in mothers home, deny overnight visitation?

Question

she was evicted from her apartment, and is now renting a bedroom in someone's condo. There is no where for him to sleep. He's not with his mother because she lost primary custody, has not been responsible enough to care for him since the divorce.

he's nine years old and has told us he sleeps in her bed in his underwear.
anyone think this is appropriate or not?

we're not looking for silly reasons to deny visitation- this just seems highly innapropriate to me. he's too old to be sleeping in his mothers bed in his underwear, no less! We have attempted to arrange afternoon visits- but she often says she has no way of getting to where she is supposed to pick him up. We've offered to pick him from her house.

in response to rachel s, thanks for your answer- no she isnt trying to get him back- she barely fought when she first lost custody- she only spoke up when it came down to the child support. Its a strange situation- she sometimes disappears for months at a time- and then surfaces to play victim whos child is being kept from her. I think there is a psychological problem here. She once called to say she couldnt pick him up oin a friday- and then called monday crying- asking why we were keeping him from her.......

Answer 1

Yes.
It happened to a family member.
Until he purchased a bed for his child's use, overnight visitation was revoked.

Answer 2

Is there anywhere for the child to sleep at all (ie: a pull-out sofa bed)? Is this the ONLY reason why the mother might be denied overnight visitation? Who exactly is wanting to deny the overnight visitation? If you are the guardian of the child, then I guess its your decision. If you don't feel comfortable with your child staying overnight with his/her mother, then that's something you need to discuss with the mother. If you are just simply looking for any and every reason to deny this mother visitations, then that's not right. Think about the child? Would you possible consider sending the child with a sleeping bag and a pillow? Quality time with his/her mother is very important, whether you get along with her or not.

My son often hops in bed with me and its no big deal. Its my child for goodness sakes. Why do people automatically assume something naughty? Just use your head. Communication is a very important tool. Voice your concerns to the mother or to the custody lawyers rather than strangers on Y!A.

Answer 3

Yes it is fine for the mother to share a bed with her son. In many cultures and countries outside the USA co-sleeping with kids and parents in the same bed or even parent's bedroom is acceptable and lawful. You shouldn't deny the mother overnight visitation just because you don't think it's appropriate sleeping arrangments. As the stepmother you have no rights to the child.

Answer 4

Well, we have no way of verifying that she truly is an irresponsible mother; nobody on here can tell what kind of parent a person is by reading a paragraph or two. And with all due respect, it sounds like you're not really looking at this objectively, so we need to take your account with a grain of salt.
Furthermore, not having primary custody doesn't automatically make one a bad mother. After all, fathers don't always have primary custody - does that make them bad parents? No. Neither does not having money to buy a bed.
Buy the kid an Aerobed. I saw a child - sized one at Toys R Us for $20. My son often uses one when he sleeps at my mother - in - law's house. There - problem solved.
How exactly do you know the child sleeps in his underwear with his mother? Are you peering in the windows and watching him? Even if he truly is sleeping in his underwear, Dad is the one responsible for sending pajamas with Junior.
Personally, you sound jealous. The faster you get over it, the better. SHE is the boy's mother, not you. You need to stop trying to get between them, because she will always come before you in his life. I think it sounds like you're just looking for a way to keep the mother and child apart - not a good idea. Instead, you should be looking for ways to help the mother make things work when she has her son with her. After all, she is and always will be his mother. And nobody can "deny" visitation but a judge. So I highly suggest you take a step back and stay out of it. You are not "Mommy," SHE is.
You may not like my answer, but hey, you asked. You're not always going to hear what you want to hear.

Answer 5

No, I do not think that is a just reason to deny visitation, is she trying to get the child back? sometimes people just need a little help, if the mom is doing everything she can to get her child back, it would be wrong to put another block in her path, if she's not doing all she can for her child, she may need a wake up call...

Answer 6

How old is the child? Will mom sleep on the couch? If its a small child don't see any harm in the child sleeping with her but as they get older should have their own space

Answer 7

I think it depends how old the child is. And, if theres no bed, then where would the child be sleeping? The couch = okay. The floor = not so good.

Answer 8

I have to say it seems to me you are jealous that her son still loves her as much as he loves his father, and more than you

This is HIS mother and not inappropriate,
we all sleep with our child, very very few people DON'T sleep with their kids,

Anjolina and Brad Pitt had a bed hand made so that the whole family could sleep together,

I wouldn't try to poison your boyfriends son against his mother,
he will always love her,
you should encourage this, and help them to become closer,
instead your the source of chaos,

this is super sad,

You really need to stop pointing the finger and take a look at YOU.

M

Answer 9

Depends on age. If this is a young child - it is fine. Child can sleep with mother, especially if girl. Boys after age 8 - I would say deny. Girls to age 10.

What is wrong with sofa. Don't deny child relationship just because of this. Too many parents cut the other one apart and runi relationships with other parent becasue of their own pain ...

Answer 10

Is there a couch? How old is the child? You did not provide enough information to answer this question.

Answer 11

how does the child feel about going with her and sleeping with her. i would see something wrong with if he felt unconfortable. but otherwise i dont see a problem if her son doesnt. now if u have a gut feeling that something is wrong then u should go with it cuz sometimes the kid could be to young to understand what is going on.