Why am I always so shy when I like someone???What do I do???

Question

I am in my 30's hehehe and I get extremely shy when I like a man hehehe........I am independent and confident of my attributes but I act or say become like a little girl with a crush for three years...and I miss out on opportunities that are there for me to get to know another better................

Answer 1

Oh, this is so normal. We become self-conscious.

The best way to tackle this is to raise self-esteem. I know you said you're confident, but you have to become even more confident. Then you won't be second guessing yourself. You'll be comfortable in your own skin.

In the meantime, do alot of listening and ask pertinent questions at the appropriate time. People (men!) love to talk about themselves.

The conversation will flow without you having to input so much. After awhile, you'll find yourself adding a bit here and a bit there. It'll get easier. I hope this helps.

Answer 2

We’re shy too. Shhhh don’t tell anybody. Whew now that that is over with lets do it. Less thought more action. Thinks our problem is we want them to see the real us so we show off our bad attributes along with the good ones. This hasn’t work so well wand we don’t know if we can suggest it to others. You know that tong tying stomach wrenching feeling when you go to ask her out. What a rush. Another one of our tests that hasn’t worked out so well for us in the past is the name thing. We call a girl by a wrong name and see how she takes it. Oh oh oh another one we want to try, herd about it once, is the pick up a girl with a megaphone so the whole place has to hear every thing. Doesn’t know how well it will work but it could be really humiliating for all involved, might even help get over that shy thing some day we’ll try it. Yeah that’s our advice is to find ways to humiliate yourself then do them sort of as shyness training.

Answer 3

Your questions always are pertinent!
It's normal that women, even confident, have reservations when face to face with a new guy. Although, pay close attention, you'll see that men also are somewhat not sure of themselves with new woman. They are more laid back and some pretend to be, yet, they're pretty much like women on this. Very many pepple are this way when having an encounter with a new person, we don't open up like a book to be seen through and through...I's a sense of respect, privacy and dignity. I've never been really shy, but then again, I'm not arogant. This would, actually, be a trait of personality. Thanks, take care!

Answer 4

I know exactly how you feel. I'm like that myself and I often get the sense that I miss out on opportunities, being even more tortured by the thought that, practically, I'm the one who hinders my prospects of happiness. Recently, I've started to come to terms with it; good or bad, that's the way I am and I don't expect to change any minute now unless of course something outrageous happens-only the end of the world could cause such a rapid change!!! I just hope that someone will come along that will want me so badly that he will be willing to persist and persist until he conquers me! There must be at least one out there for the both of us... Otherwise, we're doomed...

Answer 5

well you act like that because most of us act the same way and i guess it might be human nature.well yes you are at a point in your life where you should take more charge or control and be happy with your life. you might do this because i do not know a lot about you nor your past but maybe because you either feel secure this way or you are used to act like this. being shy is a good thing yet too much of a good thing can be bad. i would reccomend for you to act your age and independent and everything you have described. you like someone go and ask them for a coffee or drink or lunch and do not wait for the other person to do that because that is where so many missed out chaces go.acting like yourself around a guy or everyone else is a good thing showing maturity and yes all of us will always be kids at heart no matter ho much we try to deny it. i am 23 and know not so much about life yet i hope that you embrace everything your way and that you take whatever challenge you may have and make the most of it in a good way. and it is okay to be shy no matter what age yet too much of it will make you seem i do not know distant,quiet and maybe give the person the wrong idea about you.be you and that is the best you can do!

Answer 6

My first reaction is to say you are smart, because the stranger could be a psycho. My next thought was sexual uncertainty (that three years thing you mentioned). Do you anticipate shame? I feel shame before the fact, but that's about being financially dependent. Love and sex don't take money but proof of competence does. I am certain I would love to sample your attributes but I don't have the property to prove trust worthiness in the competence department.

Answer 7

One approach is to ask yourself why it's important to you to be shy -- assuming for the sake of argument that this is a choice you're making and not some genetic proclivity.

If you take that premise, then ... what do you gain? I say you gain "safety" -- no one can mock you, ridicule you, or reject you if you're very cautious in your interactions. The less you say, the less there is for someone to mock.

So where did you learn in your life that saying too much gets you mocked? From bullies at school? Maybe. From your parents and/or siblings? Most likely.

So, as with so many things, the first step is to think about things that have happened in the past in your life and put them in their proper place (i.e. in the past). Then go out there and give it a try.

Answer 8

I can sympathize with you, when I was a young Girl,when someone spoke to me, or asked a Question, I would always look down, instead of the person, who was talking to me, after- wards I would feel ashamed of myself for being like that. As I grew older, I began to get up the nerve to asked some of my Classmates questions, of a subject we were having in Class, and from then on I got up the nerve to speak first and maintain a conversation, now no one can stop me from talking.

Answer 9

TO tell ya...you have to want something bad enough to let that shy stuff fly out the window..I use to be shy but now I dont even know the word existed. I guess its an age thing with me. I can meet anyone now and its like we have known each other for a long time. Doesnt take much.. but you have to practice meeting new people. Get out and talk and talk.. Look them in the eyes and smile while you are talking.

Answer 10

Hi Rena! I think you're reaction is pretty normal actually. None of us want to do or say something we think might be silly or "dumb" so we freeze up. Sometimes just smiling & asking a simple question about their work or their favorite movie & letting them talk can break the ice enough for you to start feeling comfortable with them. Don't get all tied up in what you say or do, it can totally make you overly self-conscious. Try to be yourself. Good Luck!