was dating this girl for a few months. everything was going good and seemed like we both wanted to continue getting to know each other. became intimate a bit early in our dating. then an accident happened. the condom slipped. we immediately got plan b. after she seemed fine with what had happened. she even was affectionate and wanted to be intimate again later that day. she seemed fine, then became distant after a few days. i asked her about it. she said shes trying to figure things out. that what happened brought back feelings and emotions from the past. that instead of a long drawn out talk she thinks its best if we just don't say anymore. i tried to talk about this again a few days later. she said she didnt want to talk. she said basically she got her friend and was moving on. what the happened here? she had an abortion from a previous bad relationship. could this have been the emotional issues from the past?why would she not want my support or never want to talk to me again?
2007-11-19 04:21:22 · 3 answers · asked by curious question 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I gave her a couple of days and then called her. she said she really didn't want to talk. thought that was rude to just leave me hanging with no explaination of what she was feeling and where we were headed. she got her "friend". i said i wanted nothing but to care for her. she said that wasn't what she wants now. we are not on speaking terms now. was this about another guy? or just her issues about being scared to get close to me?
2007-11-21 02:44:28 · update #1
it might be more than just feelings from her abortion. she needs some space and if you care about her, you will give her this space. but make sure she knows you're here for her.
2007-11-20 23:04:36 · answer #1 · answered by GothicLady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
an abortion affects different women in different ways. It depends on her religious up-bringing, her personal views on abortion, her feelings about the person she is with, if she ever wants to have children and how they fit in her life now. And it doesn't phase some women at all.
Sounds like the accident made her rethink her relationship with you. She may have felt she was moving too fast with you or that she was repeating a pattern she wants to give up and that it was unfair to you to say "hey, let's hold off on the sex for a bit, until I can get my head around this" or she may have realized she was just having fun and she doesn't want anything permanent just now.
If you really like this woman and think that you could have a future with her, then contact her one more time and let her know you want to be her friend and that you are willing to talk with her and understand what is happening. If she takes you up on it, great. If she doesn't, then mourn the loss of the relationship that you would have liked to have had with her and then move on knowing that she had potential to be the one for you but that the timing wasn't right.
2007-11-19 12:38:17 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The emotional pain from an abortion can last a long time, especially if she has not received any counseling. Let her know that you are there for her to talk to, but don't be too pushy sometimes all that needs to be said is nothing at all. Let her know that by talking about it, she will feel better, and offer to help her in any way you can. I had an abortion and it is not something that you can just shrug off. If it is affecting her this bad she needs to be able to grieve the loss of her child. She needs to be told that it is ok to cry. If she believes in God I would suggest she talk to a pastor. They are usually trained to be supportive and helpful and she doesn't even have to belong to the church to talk to him, plus it doesn't cost any money.
I would suggest that you be honest with her, and let her know that you want to help her because you care about her.
She is a victim of choice and she should know that she will not get better until she goes through the grieving process, and comes to terms with what happened. Let her know that it is ok to never forget what happened, it was a difficult decision.
Make her feel special and try not to push any intimacy, just hold her and let her know that she can cry!!
If you want any more info, please e-mail me, or if she wants to talk to me, that is cool to!!
Stacielb06@yahoo.com
2007-11-19 12:44:58 · answer #3 · answered by stacielb06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋