Ok, well my fiance and I have been engaged since February of 2007, and well I want to get married within a year or two (AT MOST). He wants to wait until we are both completely established economically (he won't start working until next August, and I'm still attending University). But that could take up to 5 years at least with our standards of what "economically stable" means? So what should I do just wait or push for the big day?
2007-11-19 04:19:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I guess I should mention I am currently employed. We live together and pay for our own bills, he stil receives money from his parents I no longer do. He has a job already which will pay quite a bit, but he has to graduate first which won't happen until May 2008, and then he will take the summer to relax before he starts working full time in August for Sprint.
2007-11-19 04:43:14 · update #1
Thanks for all the advice guys WE SET A DATE!
2007-11-20 03:25:28 · update #2
Then, as my mom would say, you aren't officially engaged.
What was the point of being engaged then?
Usually a couple is engaged only for the time it takes to plan the wedding - which pretty much the average is a year, because depending upon where you live it may take that long ahead to book things like the minister/church, venue, caterer...
Just get married, in the style the two of you can afford, a soon as possible, and look after each other . Otherwise you're letting money win over love!
2007-11-20 02:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been getting economically stable since may of 2004 when I graduated college. Life gets in the way. It's a good thing I got married and bought my house in the mean time. there will always be something to pay, or save up for. I'm waiting now to catch up on some bills before I have kids, but if there's still just as many bills a year from now, I'll have a baby anyway.
2007-11-19 17:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by csbiup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Economically established is a great idea, but it can take you a very long time; you're right. And it's more important when it comes to kids than getting married. Unless you need a big wedding to get married, life will be mostly the same. You should get married when you feel sure about one another, and you have the time for all that getting married may bring (moving, marrying, a honeymoon, setting up joint bank accounts, etc). If you're willing to keep it simple (weddings are EXPENSIVE) and wait for kids (MORE EXPENSIVE), then I don't see why you shouldn't talk about doing it in the near future. Marriage is about love, not money. I applaud you both for your responsibility, but talk to him about his financial concerns. Maybe set a date that's far enough away for you both to live with now.
2007-11-19 04:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by mndnrlsm 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
At least wait until you are out of school and both have some type of job.
But also realize that there is no such thing as "economically stable". It's a myth. No job is guaranteed... ever.
So since you are still in school, just wait it out for a little while. But once you are both working, the term "economically stable" is completely meaningless. At that point I would call it a stall tactic.
But for now... don't rush it. It sounds like you are still young and have some time before you need to be pushy.
2007-11-19 04:25:54 · answer #4 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Geez. He's going to graduate in six months and has a job lined up, you work and you already live together. What is he waiting for? There is never a perfect time. If you're engaged it means you HAVE A PLAN to be married. There's no reason you can't pick a date sometime after his graduation and begin planning. If you're willing to wait five more years until he gets his act together (and he may never get his act together--I'd be concerned that he feels he's entitled to take the summer off to relax: not a sign of a sincere, responsible, mature man ready for marriage). Also, you shouldn't have to push. Pushing a person to get married when they're not ready is a recipe for a disastrous marriage. Decide how long you're willing to wait for him to grow up and be ready for what you're already ready for.
2007-11-19 05:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely wait. My little cousin is getting married next fall. She's been with her boyfriend 5 years and engaged for about 2. However the rule in our house is..if you are old enough to get married you are old enough to pay for college on your own. That's expensive. She doesn't graduate until May and (as a dental hygienist) she has a bar she has to pass in June. She needs to be focused on that and not focused on the wedding, so she is getting married a few months after that.
You are both in school. Neither of you has jobs. After you get married, where do you expect to live? how do you pay bills? Your boyfriend is right on this one. Your parents shouldn't continue to pay for your living after you are married and you two have no ability to provide for yourself otherwise. Especially if you have traditional parents, how can he tell your dad he will provide for you when he is unemployed and still has his parents paying for his expenses?
However you should decide ahead of time what is "economically stable". Like the prior poster said, there is no such thing. You are never rich enough, you never make enough money. So set an amount like when we have 5,000 saved we can get married. Then after you get a job, you can watch and see how much you are able to save towards your wedding.
2007-11-19 04:32:32 · answer #6 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Set a date and stick to it. If you wait for the perfect time, then that will never happen. Something will always come up in the mean time. If you are waiting for financial stability, then you are crazy you will get set in your new jobs and then have to pay back student loans, and that takes forever. If he can support your basic needs, clothes, food, housing and transportation- that is the most important part.
You are probably shacked up though, so he has no motivation to marry you.
2007-11-19 04:35:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's dragging his feet, and this should be a huge red flag for you.
When a man loves a woman, he wants to marry her no matter what, even if that means the ring is made out of a dandelion and they marry in the courthouse.
I have a feeling he proposed to get you off his back. He figured a ring would buy him some time. It's been almost a year and he still doesn't want to get married. I think it's pretty clear how he feels.
I'm not usually one for ultimatums, but he needs one. Either you set a wedding date by the end of the year, or the relationship is over. How much time are you willing to waste on a man who doesn't want to marry you?
2007-11-19 04:32:47 · answer #8 · answered by monicanena 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
just wait till you both have a good job and are economically stable. do not rush things!!!
2007-11-19 04:30:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
we're da same i got engaged february 2007 and we havent set a date yet...i think you should wait...dont rush things its only gonna make it bad...
2007-11-19 04:24:48 · answer #10 · answered by kikay_chick08 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋