Disapline a 8 year old, Nothing works, anyideas?

Question

I have a 8 daughter, It has been like this since I can remember.
She is a screamer, She does not get her way and she will scream like some one is killing her. Compleatly disrespectful, does not mind refused to do chores, does not care about anyone other then her. Lies constantly. What do we do? This is what we have done. Tried Spanking, does not work she just laughs at you, quit doing that long time ago. Grounding, no playing outside, no TV, no speicial grandma fun time. We have also tried taking things away. This child has lived for 3 months just fine with nothing in her room but bed, dresser, and books. What else can we do? How can we get to stop screaming, (and when she screams we do not give in, never have) We will soon have neibors in our apt and don't want them to call the cops, aslo have 16 month old and another on the way. We need this to stop. We have taken her to the mental health place but they wont help us also tried at school but she acts good there. Help

We have taken everything away. She has nothing. She sits in her room and does nothing but read most of the time. We live in a small town and only have one place for mental health that we can go to that medicad will pay for. Heck this is the only place with in 100 miles of us.
We eve have video of 2 + hour fit.
The mental heath place did not even talk to her alone just us and told us it was a parenting issue and to go to there parenting classes. She let me read the Book 123 Magic, (what they use) and it says to threaten your child but not follow threw now how is that going to work?

Already tried what Mark F said
only made it worse

Answer 1

Wow, sorry for your trouble. My only question is - What type of spanking are you doing, where she just laughs at you? I have 3 daughters, and spanking is NO laughing matter to them. My 8 year old just had her bottom spanked last week. You pull down pants/underwear put her over your lap, and spank her bottom at least 1 or 2 time per age, If you think she's had enough by the time you get to 8 then stop, if not go on. That to me is a spanking. If she is fighting you, have her father do the spanking in the same way. Actually better yet, have him do the spanking (or who ever can do the harder one) I'd be BE very surprised if she's laughing after that. Tell her that this is going to be what happens if she disobeys her parents. Then be consistent in enforcing it.

My 10 year old daughter got more spankings when she was in between the age of 8 and 9, then she had her entire life. Girls just get that way, around this age. Now that she's 10, I've spanked once, in almost a year.
Try this, and let me know how it works.

Answer 2

Ignore her. Videoing her screaming for 2 hours? Whatever for? How much more attention and reward for her bad behaviour could you possibly give?!

If she screams, walk away and go in another room. If she follows you, picke her up and put her in her room (under your arm, no messing about, I'm quite sure you are bigger than she is) and hold the door shut (with you on the outside). Don't shout, smack, threaten, comfort, tell her it isn't working, discuss, or negotiate. If she wants to scream herself hoarse...let her.

And when she ISN'T screaming (and no child can scream 24 hours a day, it's physically impossible) give her all the attention and love you can possibly manage. I'm sure you must be exhausted and it's so easy to ignore a difficult child when you finally get some respite from the bad behaviour...but when she's behaving, that's the time to say "let's go to the park." "Shall we watch your favourite TV show?" "What do you want for dinner?"

Answer 3

I know how hard this must be on you all, maybe as she has had everything taken away from her she has nothing more to loose,
Try doing the complete opposite, over whelm her with love and attention,(I'm not saying that you dint already do so) if she is naughty ignore her,just keep your self as calm as poss able, when she screams walk away. Then when she is good, just go completely over the top with praise, the reward chart is a good idea, or let here choose a movie to watch, and you and her must have a special time together,(just mum and daughter)Even if its only 10 minutes a day, to give her your undivided attention. so she will realises that when she is naughty she isn't going to get any responce from you at all, not even negative attention. Just ignore here.
Keep up the praise, even if its just her putting her dirty plate in the sink, say to her"thank you very much for doing that, it was kind of you to help me" I know its over the top, but that's the idea,
Please please give it a try, Wish you all the luck in the world. xxx

Answer 4

Heres what you do. Instead of letting her sit in her room and pout, make her do chores, force her to do it. Work her Little a ss off. She can do everything around the house, tell her that when shes ready to straighten her act out she can start doing chores for a reward. Make a list of things she will do everyday, you may have to literally watch her do every single thing, but eventually she should give. You can do it mon-fri, or include the weekends if you want. She can hand wash dishes, do laundry, dust, vacuum, take out trash, etc. whatever needs to be done around the house shes old enough to do. When I was her one punishment that I hated was scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors on my hands and knees. If she wants to be a little monster, then fine, but you can at least benefit from it. She may end up dusting every single day even if its clean, but she'll be doing something. You could also request extra work from her teacher, she could do it whild you cook dinner, she can at least get super smart while behaving like a brat. If she finally gives and wants to behave then she can earn privelages while doing her chores,-- points earns her --, make a system that will work for her. Even if she isn't earning things yet, keep track of her chores everyday and grade her on how well she does. Try spending time with just you and her each day, just to see how shes doing, how her day went, etc. maybe cooking dinner together, or whatever. You could also get her a journal to write whatever she wants in, just to vent, and I would NOT require her to share it with you unless she wants to. Just try to make her feel loved, reward her for good behavior, its very important, she won't bother to do it if no one cares. Good Luck

Answer 5

Take her to her room, shut the door and ignore her. Tell her that if she cannot act like a big girl she has to stay in her room. I would also go with no TV at all. No computer time. Another thing you can try is telling her that she can have a slumber party and invite some of the girls from her class and tell her that if she doesn't behave for the week before that you will cancel it. Use rewards for good behavior.

Answer 6

My first question would be why the mental health place would not help you, if it is because you are on public aid and they don't want to be bothered, that is not legal and I would definately report them, I would also check and see if there are any doctors that are family care or pediatricions in your area and maybe take her to them, just because it may be a mental issue they can still treat even though they are not in that specific field, and if they can't they can maybe help you to get help through the mental health center. As far as what to do I guess that is my suggestion, after reading what you have said she sounds ike she may be one or more of the following, ADHD (attention deficiet hyperactive disorder) PDD (pervasive developmental disorder, also know as high functioning autism) ODD (oppsitional defiance disorder) OCD (onsessive compulsive disorder) and or Manic Bipolar. My son who is now 15 was diagnosed with all of the above, but did the same things and more, including acting fine at school or so they said, which is entirely possible. Although it is hard to do, a structured evniroment may help, same time to bed, same time up in morning, same time for meals, same time for naps, etc you will have to have not only he but your entire family on a schedule, like I said it is not easy to do but sometimes necessary to help which may be why there are not any problems at school, everything is structured, bathroom breaks, recess, lunch, class work arrival and departure time, and everything else that goes on there. Another suggestion, instead of taking away, try making a goal chat, maybe to make it easier for her to see the rewards, a star chart that say for every hour there are no tantrums or what you decide (let her help pick rewards, punishment, and goals) she gets a piece of candy, for every day without any problems, she gets to maybe stay up 1/2 hour later to watch a favorite show, for ever week (long term after both short term goals are completed) maybe she could pick out a movie to watch ot maybe a trip out for ice cream or a friend over for the night (again just suggestions that worked for me) If you do succeed getting the mental health center or another physician to listen to you and help, don't think that medication is the immediate 100% answer, as I said my son is 15 and we still have to make changes to his medication to find ones that work and most medications you have to give at least a month before you can tell for fact that they will work or not. Let me know how it goes and good luck, just remember, do not give up, keep trying and stick to your guns, not onlly with her, but with the doctors and school as well. Also google the names of the disorders that I listed and you may find some answers to help you as well.

Answer 7

Have you tried a reward chart? Give her a sticker for each day she goes without a screaming fit. Set it up to progress. first reward is after 5 stickers are earned, second reward 10 stickers (including the first 5) then make it 20.This works best if the reward is something she really wants to earn. Keep it up and hopefully the fits will be less and less. Some parents take stickers away for bad behavior , but I found my children to respond better when I don't, it just takes longer to earn the reward. The best thing to do is to be consistent. When we try different things to get different results, it is harder for the children to learn the consequences of their actions. I also use "when ....then" for example "When you stop screaming, then I will get you some milk"

Answer 8

In disciplining remember the proverb: “To act without reflection is not good; and to be over-hasty is to miss the mark.” To strike a blow in sudden anger is evidence of poor motive, namely, the release of the emotional pressure of a steamed-up parent. Such discipline is for selfish relief, not done out of love for the child. In many cases the solution may be found to lie between the two extremes of never spanking and always spanking. But this is not true in all cases. The temperament and disposition of the individual child must be considered. Some are very sensitive, and such drastic measures as spanking may not be necessary. Some may be so callous that such drastic measures may be ineffective. Concerning men these two proverbs are written: “On the lips of a sensible man wisdom is found; but a man without sense needs a rod for his back.” “A rebuke sinks deeper into a man of intelligence than a hundred lashes into a fool.” (Prov. 19:2; 10:13; 17:10, AT) So it is with children. Some are more sensible than others; some are meeker than others. A rebuke may discipline them more than a whipping would others who are more stubborn and in whose childish heart may be bound up a more than usual amount of folly.

Parents, if this is the case with your child, be patient. As unflattering, as unpalatable, as unacceptable as it may be to you, the child got it from you. In you it may be subdued, it may never have come to the surface; but it is in you somewhere, because your child did not get it from nowhere. We must face it: adults give their children a bad start. Adam and Eve gave everyone a bad start. Hence the Bible says: “Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble. Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? not one.” “I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.”—Job 14:1, 4; Ps. 51:5; Rom. 5:12.

Answer 9

In a calm moment sit down with your daughter find out what she would like ie a doll etc.etc then get two bowls and say to her you will put in Xpence each time she is good and she will have to put Xpence in your bowl when she is naughty give examples of each good/bad then put say £5 in each bowl in change then say shall we try it ask her to do something and put something in her bowl then when she is naughty make her put the money into your bowl and remind her she wont have the money to buy the whatever it is she wants when the bowl is full but you have to be CALM and CONSISTANT it will work if you stick with it

Answer 10

Honestly, I have no good idea what you still could do. Just writing to tell you that you have my sympathy and best wishes. Oh, and in spite of your bad experience I would again try to have your daughter examined by a child psychologist. I don't usually say this here, but your description sounds as if she had a problem within herself that she can't express well.
Best of luck!