We were just going to stay home and cook our own dinner this year in order to avoid the drama. I've had a menu planned for 3 weeks. My mom called to tell me that my aunt and uncle I haven't seen in probably 7 years is coming up Wednesday night and leaving Friday morning. My aunt is a self-righteous, arrogant, over-zealous Christian, and my uncle is an alcoholic in denial. I remember one Christmas when I was 12- my aunt ordered me to put on make-up Christmas morning before she would turn on her video camera.
When I was in middle school, I was pretty chubby, and stayed that way until high school. I'm only 5'2" so I pack on the pounds quite easily. My aunt has always made comments behind my back to my mom (through emails and phone conversations) about my weight on how to fix me with diets, herbal supplements, etc. Although I was never really thin, I was happy with myself. I was a size 11.
(continued....)
2007-11-19 03:25:58 · 14 answers · asked by punchy333 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am now married (almost 5 years) and have 2 beautiful children. I am dealing with post-partum depression and am struggling with my weight once again. I know if I go, she is either going to say something to me about my weight or something to my mother. She also likes to pick on the fact that I did not get married in a temple, and I’m sure she will be on my case to go back to church. I do believe in God, but I do not believe in organized religion and I don’t need to hear about how I will be going to hell if I do not change my ways.
2007-11-19 03:26:22 · update #1
In some ways I would feel guilty because she has not met my children. I know my mom would help with that with sneaky little comments. On the other hand, if I go, I will be miserable and would probably say something back to her. She has loads of indiscretions before she “turned” her life around with the church. Now she just tells everyone what they’re doing wrong in their own lives. I’m happy with my life, mostly. Also, my mom’s the type of person that will agree with you just to make you happy, and then talk bad about you when you’re not there. I haven’t been able to trust her since I was a teenager. I don’t want to attend, and neither does my husband. Would you go if you were me?
2007-11-19 03:26:35 · update #2
I wouldn't go - It not worth the aggravation - just stay home with your husband & kids and enjoy yourself. :o)
I opted out of dinner with my family as well. It isn't worth the hassle. . .
2007-11-19 04:09:32 · answer #1 · answered by this_girl_loves_the_80s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you have your own family. My aunt is the exact same way. I've always been small with big breasts. She used to talk about how skinny I was, then I gained weight. Now she's talking about how much weight I've gained. I was five, now I'm a nine. I'm like you, I love my weight, I know I have some areas to work on but who doesn't. People have made me feel like I should get a reduction but I'm not going to do that. God made us the way we are and if you are comfortable with yourself honey then it doesn't matter what people think. The only suggestion I have is to make sure that your weight is at a healthy level. Strive to be healthy for you, not skinny for others. You'll never be happy that way.
Good luck and you shouldn't have to go anywhere you don't feel comfortable and definitely don't put your family in that situation.
2007-11-19 03:47:01 · answer #2 · answered by Brownie_baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You suppose responsible due to the fact that mother's simply make us suppose that manner (( recognize my mother is a grasp at making me suppose responsible even if I am correct!). You made the correct choice headquartered on what you mentioned. If you desire to look the leisure of the household then I recommend you do a dinner someday and invite them. You don't have any must give an explanation for your absence to them; they most likely might recognize the historical past with you and your mother so can determine it out for themselves. Leave your mother a message out of courtesy announcing you're not able to become a member of them for Thanksgiving dinner and do not fear approximately if she offers you a guilt go back and forth afterwards....you're larger of constructing a thick epidermis approximately this so that you dont' spend your existence seeking to please her. Next yr plan a vacation meal for the others every week or so earlier than Thanksgiving so you'll be able to see them.
2016-09-05 09:04:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately Not! Your first obligation is to your immediate family- which is your husband and children- not your Mom and aunt and uncle. If you are miserable, you husband and kids cannot be happy. Make your own memories, at home, just you and your happy little group, like you've planned for the past 2 weeks. You have no reason to feel guilty, so relax and enjoy, and Happy Turkey Day!
2007-11-19 03:38:28 · answer #4 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother you have already made plans and while you're sorry to miss the time with her, you are not up to a day of put-downs from your aunt. Tell her that now you and your husband are wanting to start some family traditions that you and your children will always remember as wonderful times.
Then promise you'll see her soon and wish her a Happy Thanksgiving! And don't waste time feeling guilty!!
2007-11-19 03:36:25 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband and reserve a table at a really nice restaurant for Thanksgiving. Tell your mother and relatives that you have decided to start your own tradition this year, and that you and your husband are taking the children out for dinner.
You do not have to take abuse from anybody, but if you do they you cannot complain about it.
You are old enough to stand on your own to feet and to decide that you are not going to put up with that garbage.
Think of your children, what kind of example is it going to be with that miserable energy around them at Thanksgiving Dinner. Thanksgiving is supposed to one of joy and you can create that with your own small family.
Pick a restaurant that the children will enjoy and stay away from the "family"
Blood does not mean that you have to be walked all over, and blood doesn't mean that you have to put up with mental abuse. Do not let your children grow up in atmosphere like that, please.
2007-11-19 04:22:44 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer. It is best for you, in more ways than one, to stay away. Just tell your Mom that you wish you had known sooner but you have already made plans, a menu, bought food etc..,
If she pushed the issue, don't be afraid to tell her that she knows how you feel about your Aunt and how rude your Aunt can be. Don't allow her to play games and pretend it didn't happen and doesn't exist.
2007-11-19 04:36:27 · answer #7 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with Carly........start your own family holiday traditions.....even if the drama stays at a minimum, your husband and kids will sense the tension in you and it won't be as peaceful and relaxing. Stay home, tell your mom you will see her soon, or she can come the next day and have leftovers or something like that! God Bless and happy holidays
2007-11-19 04:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, I wouldn't even waste my time. What I would do, in fact what I am doing, is creating my own wonderful Thanksgiving here at our house. I've invited people I enjoy and who are emotionally safe to be with. It will be wonderul for all of us and it's great for the children to see the yearly tradition and be involved in the celebration, even though it can be a bit stressful.
2007-11-19 03:35:24 · answer #9 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've had a menu planned for your own family for 3 weeks. Tell your mom you are now beginning your own family traditions and that she is welcome to come . I do not believe in spending time with obnoxious, rude, ill tempered people just because we share the same DNA. Life is short and holidays should make beautiful memories...that means surrounding yourself with those people who love and accept and value you... just the way you are.
2007-11-19 03:33:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, stay home and be with your own small family - why do we let family treat us in ways we would never tolerate from others? I'm not passing judgement, this is the decision I came to years ago - I choose to stay away from the soap opera that is my family because I just got tired of having my feelings hurt. Now I deal with them on my terms, when I choose to - and I don't have a problem with letting months go by without contacting them. I just decided that I would no longer set myself up to be hurt, and I'm much happier for it. Be strong, do this for yourself and for your kids because they don't need to be exposed to all that crap.
2007-11-19 03:38:10 · answer #11 · answered by woodlands127 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋