My toddler son doesn't know how to stop hitting his six-year old sister! What do I do?

Question

I got him to hug and kiss her. Then she told him to go away because he had hit her earlier so he just went on hitting. He hits everyone. At least he isn't biting anymore.

Answer 1

He is hitting because he doesn't know how to express himself. I have 8 children and the best solution I have found is to remove the toddler from the situation and tell him it is bad to hit his sister. Then put him in a time out for the amount of time that equal his age. (and yes, you will have to sit with him-but it will only be for a couple min or so) This works for my 2 year old. But if he hugs and kisses her... he loves her and this stage will pass. Just persistence on your part is necessary if you want it to pass sooner rather than later. Best wishes! :)

Answer 2

Using natural and logical consequences whenever possible work best when disciplining children because they make the most sense to a child. A fitting consequence for him hitting his sister (or anyone else) is that she does not want to be near him if he is choosing to hit her. Please do not hit him back when he hits her. Doing so will only reinforce the message that hitting is okay. "If mom can hit me, I can hit someone. When he hits his sister, rush to her and empathize. “Ouch! That hurt! Let me get you some ice (or give kisses) for that.” He won’t like this feeling of being shut out. Tell him firmly “Don’t hit! That hurts!” His sister should do the same to make the message more powerful. Put him in a quiet area away from his sister or have her walk away from him after he hurts her. Tell him “When you are ready to be gentle then you can come back.” Or she can tell him “I don’t want to play with you when you hurt me.” This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. Thank him when he is gentle.

I would also empathize with him after a hitting incident. "You must have felt very (angry, mad, hurt, frustrated) when you hit me. What can you do next time instead?" Do some problem solving with him to give him some ideas. He should soon learn to express his feelings rather than hit.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

If he doesnt know its because you havent taught him, and then expected and demanded it from him.

He's 3, not 30. Be mom, MAKE him stop hitting, explain to him why its wrong, what you DO expect, how you know and believe he can do what best, how you're proud of him, and then punish the bejesis out of him when he does hit.

For me, two quick smacks on the butt, a loud "You do not hit" and picking him up and removing him from the situation works best, followed by an explanation and a hug.

For you it might be a loud "we do not hit!" removing him from the situation, and putting him on time out for three minutes and MAKING him sit there. An apology to his sister after, and an explaination of why hitting is so ugly and why you expect better of him.

You have to require certain things, not hope they will magically develop on their own.

Answer 4

Take charge. He can control his mother and his sister with a single hit and you let him. With a single slap to his sister, he can watch the events unfold: a screaming sister who runs to tell mom who yells. For that time, he's in control.

Take control. Keep your emotions in check. No yelling, no screaming, calmly remove the toddler from his sister. As soon as he can't control you with this behavior, he'll find a new one.

Answer 5

You have to teach him that hitting hurts! My 16 month old is going through this right now, although I think we are finally starting to get somewhere..Tell him no no, that hurts.. Tell him to use soft touches and gently rub his siblings arm. This has worked with us..Have whoever he hurts say this to him, not just you. I found that when my oldest son says this to my 16 month old we get a better reaction. Good luck to you and your family!

Answer 6

I am confused. Do you hug him when he hits her? If so that is only making matters worse. He needs a time out for hitting.

Answer 7

Does he get spanked or punished physically. Sometimes this action will teach children to "punish" other children when they disapprove of their actions. Does he see violence on TV or elsewhere? Children learn by example, thats why I ask. Not sure though, maybe you should sit him down and talk to him about why he choses to do that. It might be difficult with a toddler though...

Answer 8

give him a time out. sit him in a corner; let him know what he is doing is bad and to go apologize to his sister. If he continues to do it take away the things he likes, like his toys.