How do I respond to my husband's-friend's-wife?

Question

My husband has a good friend and they spend time recreating together without the families. The friends wife can't spend time with my family because she feels so sad that we are going to hell because we aren't Christian. I see her rarely and when I do she is pleasant but not overly friendly and I am gracious to her because I value the relationship my husband has with hers. She comes up with really bizarre connections between her religion and reality, for instance recently she said that Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment to New Orleans for being...New Orleans. Well, I was so shocked that she would say that outloud in a public setting. I just said, "Well, I think that you have just provided proof that we are all descendants of Africans. Hurricanes form off the coast of Africa and evolutionsists say that life began in Africa and now you, a devout and educated Christian is saying that God sent the hurricanes...from Africa. So by your logic, God must be an African..more, just sec

I didn't know that you were so open minded."

I know my logic is flawed and doesn't really make sense, but I could tell by her face that she was mortified that I thought that she might think that God is African and lives in Africa and not white in heaven. It was really funny, but now she hates me even more.

Should I have said that? or kept my mouth shut, or what?

No, we are both white and have never been to New Orleans, and don't live anywhere near the Southern U.S. Go figure huh?

Answer 1

I think you can make that judgement by reading your own posting. What was the fruit from your comments? Was it a bridge builder or isolator?

Answer 2

Well... tell her that she's wrong. I hold a belief that if you do good things in this life time, you'll end up somewhere good, whether atheist, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, Taoist, Confucian, Wiccan, or whatever else there is out there.

Her thing about God's punishment to New Orleans?

1. If He is so powerful, He has pretty crappy aim, cause it slammed the Gulf Coast pretty hard, too, probably worse than New Orleans.
2. There were innocents in that storm, too! What about all the churches wiped clean off the face of the earth? The South is one of the strongest faith regions in the nation.
3. Tell her that a Christian down here in a Katrina area is mad about what she said, because said Christian is certainly not a voodoo worshipping, ghost hunting, gambling, gang warring prostitute, as New Orleans may be pictured. (In fact, I'm not even from New Orleans!)

And about God being African... who knows where He came from, what He looks like, or let alone if He even exists... I'll keep my faith, and you can keep yours, but hey, who knows.

If she keeps bothering you about not being Christian, just don't let her! Let her know that you're comfortable with your beliefs and that she's not going to change that. You sound like a good person, so you're not headed for an unpleasant afterlife.

Answer 3

Yeah Jerry falwell once said God punished USA for 9/11 becaouse of the Gay's in this country. However since you said she is christian you may want to bring up next time she says that...James 1:13 says God tests no one. However New Orleans is 9 ft below sea level and the army corp of engineers have warned the folks there years ago this could happen.

Also if God punished New Orleans why not Las Vegas, or san Francisco, or Bangkok or hundreds of other places? Let her know too that a lot of church going people were hit hard by katrina as well. was God punishing them too? Did they happen to get in the way? Didn't God also say that he would have spared Sodom and Gamorah if only 10 righteous people lived their? Only 4 and he managed to save them. (except Lot's wife disobeyed)

So if God is punishing New Orleans then he also punished people who were innocent and isn'tvery fair in his punishments then. So the answer is God didn't do that. Man did. We built a city below sea level in a dangerous area...it was only a matter of time.

Answer 4

It would appear to me that you both have learning to do. What she said was an opinion. And you replied by basically telling her that you doubted her opinion. no one can really refute her opinion, because it is only an opinion with no basis in scripture really.

For now, you let her know what you thought of her opinion. You both might be better friends if you merely accepted that you disagreed with each other on certain things - especially with the ridiculousness of trying to compare God to ANY earthly nationality. As if God was white or black. As if He wasn't beyond that kind of earthly categorization.

As a Christian, I see this as not much to spend much time on. I really do not see the importance of the conversation except that it had a negative effect on your friendship. Maybe you two may break bread and talk about . . . . whatever you may talk about.

Do you want to show kindness to her? I would encourage you to do so. She should actually be the one doing it, but you go ahead, it would improve your relationship with her, I think.

Answer 5

I don't know how I would have responded to such a silly statement. I probably would've pointed out to her that if God had really wanted to destroy New Orleans he would have simply wiped it off the face of the map like Sodom or Gomorrah. I am a Christian and I have absolutely no patience for fools who feel sad because they've decided that someone's going to hell for not believing in Christ. Personally, I think she must be a tiny bit nuts for these ideas.

Answer 6

Personally I think hurricanes are Natures way of telling us that we're crapping up the coast and it's time for a good FLUSH!!! But seriously, I would politely tell the lady that while you understand she is free to believe whatever she wants, you are not interested in hearing about it all the time. SOME Christians are just unable to have a conversation without trying to push their religion down your throat.

Answer 7

Discretion / Valor??? Wisdom / Intelligence can be used for either good or bad. It could be "Lorded Over" someone (bad) or "Shared" (Good)! Please realize that not All "Christians" have the "Cajones" that U may see displayed here, or the Knowledge either. So U have run into one, now what??? U have the "Advantage" & therefore the "Responsibility is Urs" to not "Slam" her, rather "Share / Educate" her in Ur Beliefs. U don't have to like every friend of Ur husbands or their Beliefs. Try meeting her on a mutual level of shared interest, like FOOTBALL!!! Surely U can agree to go "Shopping" on "Game Day"??? Put her first for a while & see what may develope, K?? John

Answer 8

The Bible says: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

This woman is judging you and it is not the Christian way to tell others that they're going to hell. It's okay to tell you about Jesus and all, but to tell you that you're going to hell and shove her religion down your throat is not the Christian way. Accepting Jesus is a choice and not something that's forced on people.

I think you should talk with this woman. Both spouses should talk. Discuss this with your husband first and then suggest that you all sit down and talk. Tell her that you don't like that she always brings up religion as there are many other topics to talk about. Tell her that you'll want to at least maintain a friendship since both of your husbands are good friends.

There are other topics to discuss other than religion. If you have no belief in Hell, how can you fear it? She can't make you afraid of something you don't believe in. It is up to God to judge you not her.

Answer 9

Honestly, I'd tell her straight out that if she wanted to say those things in front of my children she would no longer be welcome in my home or in my presence.

I had a conversation with a woman that basically ended when she said "you're too smart to be a Christian." (I'm not a Christian) She shut up when I asked her "does that mean you're stupid?"

Intelligence has nothing to do with faith and faith has nothing to do with intelligence, but learning tact and what is appropriate to say is important. This lady needs a lesson in tact and good old fashioned manners.

People are often far more shocked when you call them on their rudeness than when you argue (logically or not) the opposing viewpoint. She's far more likely to reconsider her position when it's pointed out to her how incredibly rude it is than if it's pointed out as completely stupid.

Answer 10

This is a touchy subject. especially if she is a chirsitan and you are not. Most likely she doesnt hate you, but your ideals are clashing ogether. If she is pushing her religion down your thoat to say, it is beucase she cares about your eternal life. I think in this situaltion both of you need to be open minded to each others idea and beleifs. A christian is not to be a closed door, yet an open door so that they may learn and grow in their own faith. if they are closed to any ideas then they may never learn how to handle cetain situations and conflicts properly. The best thing i can say to you is to not anger her if your husband has a friendship with her and try to form a relationship with her yourself. If she tbegins to throw the bible at you persay (yes i too am a christian) then try to be open minded and ask questions and learn about who is is as a christian and maybe she will learn who you are as a person

Answer 11

Oh, the joys of dealing with a fundamentalist.

Certain sects of Christianity are very much into the whole "God will punish anyone who's not like me" notion, and it sounds like she's in one of them. Don't bother with logic, it won't work. If she goes over the line again, ask her not to say things like that, but don't be surprised if she doesn't listen.

(Oh, and remember my favorite line from the Bible: "Judge not, lest ye be judged." The fundamentalists have a real problem remembering that one, and using that and "What ever happened to turning the other cheek" tends to stop them in their tracks.)