How long should a normal engagement last?

Question

I stress the word normal. No extreme health, financial or family situations.
I personally think 4 months, to a year (at the most).
I think that any longer just gives a couple more time to fight over trivial wedding arrangements.

Answer 1

My husband and I were engaged for 6 months. Our son was engaged for 3. We found that our son's wedding was just as wonderful, and we had plenty of time to make all the arrangements. That included my making my new DIL's wedding dress. (We also broke with tradition by making most of the arrangements and paying for it since the bride's family didn't have the ability to do it.)

Answer 2

I am a lecturer for marriage seminars and feel the engagement should last as long as both parties feel there are some glitches that need to be fixed.
Glitches that I see in your #1 Q is; I personally think that 4 months is normal! My Q. What does she think too? Q. What is normal for a society that has a 60% divorce rate? If there are outstanding things you are avoiding or not getting along with, then more time must be given to see who you both really are going to be; after your wedding!
If you have a fear of fighting as you say over TRIVIAL wedding arrangements, that is an open wound and maybe it is your impatience and the way you deal with things that you deem; TRIVIAL!
Trivial things will destroy a marriage. One sided Arguments are like Artichokes and peeled away until you see that there is nothing there to save.
So my advice is make sure this is the one. Deal with all of her concerns and likewise she should deal with yours; otherwise count on spending more money on the divorce than for the wedding. If not a divorce but an unhappy marriage, then your health will be stressed because of trivial things that you both can't agree on.
Marriage is like a partnership business. Both partners own the business. But if one is slighted and not made important the business fails or you start looking for a new partner.

Answer 3

It varies depending on the couple. Some people don't want a big wedding, they are just ready to be together and they move very quickly, others have things going on in their lives (work, family, etc.) that put off their wedding for years, no matter what they want. My fiance and I are getting engaged next month, are looking at moving in the Spring and want my family and his kids to be present for our wedding, so the earliest that we could make that happen is next fall. That doesn't mean we are going to be fighting over details in the meantime. Actually, putting it a little futher out will prevent some fighting that would probably occur if we were trying to move plan a wedding and deal with my mother-of-the-bridezilla all at the same time.

Answer 4

I think 1-2 years is perfectly normal. Some people pull it off in less time, others need a little more.
As you noted, there are circumstances that would shorten or extend the timing and each situation is going to be different.

As a side-note, unless the couple has issues they really shouldn't be fighting over their wedding arrangements. My fiance & I are discussing things, we've had difference, no fights, and come to a compromise. In our case, I think the family is going to do most of the fighting - LOL.

Answer 5

I will only have been engaged for 2 months by the time I get married.

2 months is kind of pushing it, so I agree with you, 4 months is about the best time, with a year at the higher end....I think the long engagements are what creates the "BRIDEZILLAS"....when you have too much time to think about trivial details, people tend to give the little things too much importance, and get that "It's my special day so I could be a B*tch if I want to...." attitude.

Answer 6

Dear Jonny B:

"Normal"?

Hmmmmm ......
Usually~For a woman~
it is NOT SOON Enough!

Many seem to always wish to merely
focus on their Life Fantasy, Dream
World Perception. It's ALL about
Wedding DETAILS & Preparations!

Usually over a year is considered
"Normal" for this phase!

*But perhaps we all are Missing The
Major Point! What about BEFORE
all this MAD scrambling occurs?

Couples should date & get to REALLY
KNOW themselves & each other. This
takes about 4-6 YEARS to lay a FIRM
Foundation of a married life together!

Almost ALL miss the "boat" here!
Couples MUST engage in Pre-Marital
COUNSELING to DEFINE the Perimeters
of their Marriage Contract. Marriage is
actually a BUSINESS CONTRACT!
We are signing a Legal Document!
It is NOT merely a twisted perception
of "love" !!

Most "LAWS" in our Society are for
the benefit & protection of FEMALES
& children! There is really NO benefit
to a man to get married! Pre-Nups are
critical for a man to consider strongly!

Most of the time marriage is for poor
people. It's a False Sense of Security
for most! Many feel that by signing a
contract, that INFIDELITY will suddenly
Evaporate! This RARELY happens.

Most real men HATE Marriages~
& all the trivial Fantasized elements
associated with it! It's a chick thing!
Little girls THINK about it~
right from their cradle!
Men? It usually holds little Value to us!

So my bottom line?
The Major Focus should be what we
do BEFORE The Engagement!
NOT AFTER~ or How LONG!
Counseling Is CRITICAL~
& Profound Communication
must be Explored! Do the couples have
Realistic Marketable JOB SKILLS to
sustain a productive life together?

A Firm Foundation of Economic
SOLVENCY must be in place!
No communication or lack of Money?
It's a true DISASTER Of FAILURE
in a Marriage/Business Contract!

This is REAL LIFE!
*NOT a Dress Rehersal For A FANTASY
LIFE Of Merely Planning A Wedding!

Does this Define Elements that many
may NOT have explored before?

Good Luck In Your Quest!
You will need plenty of it!
:-)

Answer 7

For me any longer than about 4 months is too long, barring any circumstances beyond our control.

I think that a couple should have a lengthy courtship (9 months- 2years) and a short engagement. Once you decide to get married, just do it, no point dragging it out. That being said- I also don't think you should live together until you are married.

Answer 8

I guess it really depends on the couples. I guess my engagement is going to last a year and a half because we became engaged on Christmas Day 2006 and will be married May 2008 so I guess it depends on the couple. We started planning the wedding 6 months later on our 3 yr. anniversary.

Answer 9

no longer than a year I would say as it just becomes a living together arrangement. I have a friend who has been engaged for 11 years - she will never walk down the aisle as her boyfriend now says "why should we bother" I do feel for my friend as she wants her "big day"

We got engaged in October and married the following August, we booked our wedding the week after our engagement as it was summer wedding and very very popular!

Answer 10

Its all as much as the two one among you... i'm presently engaged and function been for the final year, we are making plans to have the marriage in 2010. in general because of fact i wished to end college first and then get married. My grandparents met, fell in love, have been given married all interior a month and are nevertheless thankfully married 50+ years later! Do what you sense is sweet.