Ex Jehovah's Witnesses: I have a very hard time this time of year, with the loss of my family.?

Question

We see people geting together with their families, and the Holidays. Every year at this time, I have an overwhelming sense of grief and loss, for the loss of my family...

For me it seems that after 25 long years, it would get easier, and it is in some ways, but is is always a bit of a dark time for me.

Have any of you overcome this effectively?

For those of you who are Witnesses, please spare me the dietribe on why disfellowshipping is an Christian act. I don't buy it and neither do Christians.

Vot...thinks I am lying...OK Witness for the 1st 22 years..18 more to deprogram I am 46 I have been a christian for about 6 years...math works for me.

OH and I forgot...I will be 47 soon, so 25 years sepairation is still right. I expect that we will not reunite before my birthday!

Vot..It is good that as a witess yo are showing the Love that you are taught by your religion, doesn't look like the love of Christ though. Just in case the reply is changed I will copy and paste it below:

Vot Anarx: Get your story straight. 6 years, then 18 years, now 25 years- all in the space of a few months???

conundrum: You didnt like my lipstick, so I removed my lips for you!

conundrum..LOL...I like you too, but sadly I am comitted to my husband....I will change my avatar when Thanksgiving is over, and I will do something christmasy

Thank all of you for your loving stories and internet hugs. Yes you are all part of my christian family and may God bless and cherish and restore you during this wonderful and diffocult holiday time. I give you all best answer, but I can not chose just one, so I will let this one go to a vote. Know that you all have a special place in my heart. U.L.

Thank all of you for your loving stories and internet hugs. Yes you are all part of my christian family and may God bless and cherish and restore you during this wonderful and diffocult holiday time. I give you all best answer, but I can not chose just one, so I will let this one go to a vote. Know that you all have a special place in my heart. U.L.

Answer 1

My God. Seeing your question made me cry.

I know your pain. I know it exactly and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I am an ex-JW also, and when this time of year rolls around, I feel it too. The relatives on my father’s side are all JW’s save one sister, my aunt. We have been shunned by them since I was a boy, and it still hurts.

I see them occasionally here and there. The one that hurts the most is my grandfather. I saw him just today, from a distance. I was with my dad, sitting in his truck with him in a Winn-Dixie parking lot. We were talking about various things when off in the distance I spotted an old man whose walk and posture I’d recognize anywhere. He was getting a coke from vending machine near the front of the store.

Dad didn’t see him because his back to the store, busy talking with me. I didn’t tell him that I saw my grandfather. Nonchalantly I scanned the parking lot and spotted the gray dodge that I knew he drove, confirming that the old man I was looking at was indeed my grandfather. It didn’t hurt that much, as if the physical distance that separated us also separated me from the pain. I watched him gradually walk across the parking lot and to his car. About that time my father and I existed the truck, still talking. Dad’s back was still to the store. I purposefully kept his attention on me so that he wouldn’t turn around and see him.

The reason is because my dad is an ex-JW, too. He left the organization when he was 30 years old; he’s now 54. During that time, his father has had little to nothing to do with him. I’ve watched my dad live through that pain nearly all my life. So this evening, I figured, why tell him. Our conversation was emotional enough and he didn’t need any more than he was handling.

So, we went inside, bought some groceries, and by the time I got home it was forgotten.

Seeing your question brought all that back. Suddenly the grief held back by distance swelled in my chest. No blame on you, so please don’t feel bad. I just wanted to share this with you because I know what you’re going through. It hurts so much… why do people have to hold back their love? Why… ?

Please know that I send every prayer and blessing to you. You are my sister in Christ, and I wish you ALL the love you could ever want this holiday season. Cook the biggest, fattest turkey you can buy, carve that sucker and enjoy licking the bones clean! And for Christmas, go nuts! Live it up! I remember, too, when I couldn’t celebrate Christ’s birthday, and now that I can, even though painful, I truly, truly cherish this time of year. It would be so nice to have family to share it with, but they’ve made their choice. My door is always open and always will be. Since my conversion to the Catholic Church I finally found God’s truth. I’ve been healed in so many ways, and I only wish I could share this with them also, but… hopefully, one day, my prayers will soften their hearts. They’re missing out on so much, and blinded by that DEVIL CULT!

Pray for them, Lamb. Keep strong and keep your head up. Jesus said we’d pay the price for loving Him, and we’re paying it.

Know this. If we make it to heaven, every pain you’ve ever felt and every tear you’ve ever shed will be wiped away. Jesus will heal, and you’ll have every love that you never got here on earth. It won’t be long. We’ll get there.

Thanks for reading my long letter. I hope you have a wonder Thanksgiving. God bless you, and take care.

Answer 2

wow this is a tough one. I walked away 20 yrs ago and I am still having issues with it. Holidays are a nightmare, I feel stupid because they dont mean much to me and for my kids I really try. And religion is just plain scary..any religion and my husband does not understand this. I tried therapy but they all act like I am a drama queen and need to let it go, but when you are programmed you entire childhood to believe a certain way it is hard to just forget all that. Good luck to you and there are alot of ex-jw's blogs out there where you can talk to ppl feeling the same way you are.

Answer 3

Young Lamb,
I believe that since you are a Christian you can probably spend the Holidays with some of your friends from church, can't you? I am scheduled to go to a nursing facility to give thanks at their noon meal. Evidently last year they were unable to get any preacher to even come long enough to do that. These people are wonderful! I go once every month with a number of people from our church to sing with them, read scripture with them, pray with them, and visit. I feel very much as a part of their lives. It is actually an extended care facility and these people are very happy to have any visitors. A number of them do not have living family that visit them regularly and they are very warm with the visitors. I suggest that you find such a facility if possible. Have a wonderful week and a great Thanksgiving!

PS... My family is very happy that I am doing this by the way. I am actually fifty years old.
Thanks,
Eds


.

Answer 4

I know exactly where you are coming from. I was 26 (I'm now 33) when I left that "religion" and decided never to go back. I lost 6 younger siblings and my mother and father. I have mourned for them since.

I get especailly sad when I drive past my parents house (coming home from work) and all of my bros and sis are there having a nice family bar-b-que, swimming in the pool, while the kids are playing with eachother. It's very heartbreaking. Missing out on the family camping trips are hard too.

What is really sad is that two of my sisters were disfellowshipped at one time or another and I took them both into my home even though I was still in the "religion." I took a lashing from the elders, but it was worth it. I always knew in the back of my mind that a loving God would not want us to turn family away because of a body of men who claim they are God's "religious organization."

I went through some counseling over my loss. The only way I deal with it now, is by replacing them with people who I know will be my loyal friends and replacement family no matter what religion I choose to be. I still cry now and then, but it seems to fade with time.

I get angry at times because my family has only seen my 3yr old a limited number of times (maybe 5). They will, however, see my 9yr old daughter on a regular basis because her father is still in with the JW's.

I don't want to make this too long, but I do want you to know that you are not the only one who mourns for their family. It's a form of grief. **Thank you Watchtower Bible and Tract Society**---> If there is a hell, they will burn! lol

Answer 5

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. I wish I had the perfect thing to tell you to make you feel better but all I can say is they are with you in your heart and they are watching over you. Remember all of the Holidays you did spend with them and know that one day you will be with them again. Sometimes a lifetime isn't long enough to get through the grief but there will come a day where you will finally be free of these feelings. Like the first comment; we are your family too, and we care about how you're feeling. Take care.

Answer 6

I'm sorry that you had to have that event as part of your life experience. It's saddening for me. But your are now part of a much bigger family who loves you beyond measure. I'm sure you now know the meaning of True Christian Love. I know that doesn't change the past, but your future is constantly getting brighter!

If we didn't live in separate parts of the country I'd invite you and your husband to Christmas Dinner! Then maybe some caroling at the local kingdom hall.

Me and mine love you and yours!

God bless Sister!

Answer 7

Funny, my husband and I were just talking about this. Both of our families are JW so it is always just the 3 of us for all holidays. We have friends that have invited us over, but holidays are for family and we always feel as though we are imposing. I love this time of year, yet I get sad seeing all the commercials and movies of families gathered together. Our biggest issue is our 9 year old and trying to make things "normal" for her. We are truly blessed to have such a mature, loving, appreciative child who simply says that her mommy and daddy are all she needs.

We need to get a group of us ex-JW together for Christmas. You all have become my family as far as I'm concerned! Unsilenced Lamb...I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving. I will be thinking of you.

Answer 8

I hope you consider me as family since I am your sister in Christ. I do not have any other big sisters, so that would be great.

I am sorry that you had to go through this. I do not hear any sympathy from them. Let's hope that they will have one day as much courage to leave, even though they think that the organization is their whole life. They are programmed.

They did wrong, and they do not apologize. They will take their stinking attitude all the way to hell they do not believe to exist. Let' s try to take as many people with us to the side of heaven.

Answer 9

I understand your feelings..Just remember, God understand your feelings too. He is always there with you..Both my family and my inlaw are JW's ..and it does hurt when they do not accept us just as we are..Like God does..like Jesus does. His love is unconditional..His love is inside of you ..I keep praying that God will soften their hearts towards us. The Bible is all about Love for one another..That is the most important thing Jesus tries to get us to understand..just forgive them, for they do not know..They are victims of victims..
We love you..we all love you..Us as Christians love one another, no matter what..That is what a true Christian is all about..
Danny..I just read your letter..and it was beautiful, as were all that are going through this..
If you read the ones by JW's..and the ones by the x JW's..which ones are showing love? Which ones do you feel are sincere love..Wouldn't you think that if JW's really KNEW Jesus..that they would say...Lamb..We truely love you..Our hearts hurt for you..wouldn't you think they would say something with a tiny bit of love somewhere..a hint of it? But, you never get that from them..
Again..forgive them, for they just do not know..and keep praying that God with soften their hearts..If they seek him, and ask him, he will show them the truth..

Answer 10

Family is hard to give up for a religion, Jesus is all about family staying together and love and forgiving. Psalm 130: 3-4 states " Lord if you kept a record of our sins, who could ever survive? Judge not that you be not judge. well it appears that their is a lot of judging going on, ones that want to be Jesus Christ but he keeps no records of sins. Remember your sins and my sins are all a matter to take up with Jesus Christ and no man, religion... Jesus loves you and cheer up you have him with you and no one can take that away.