Was I out of line?

Question

I will try to be fair and tell the story from both standpoints. Firstly, my boyfriend and I have completely different taste in music. I listen to rock, he listens to hip hop, rap, funk (which I do like), and techno. I was listening to the Smashing Pumpkins loudly waiting for him to come home. He walks in talking to his friend on the phone, and makes a face like " Whoa", and then says the equivalent (he speaks a different language) to "dude, listen to this music"...and then holds up the phone for him to hear it, and then they laugh. I get pissed for two reasons: If I ever have anything to say about his music choice or the volume I can expect a snappy remark from him so usually I try to keep my opinion to myself for his happiness, and I felt like if he wants to make fun of the things I like to his friend then it feels the same as if he is making fun of me. I stormed in the other room and shut the music off. He says "what the hell is your problem"?
Do I have a right to be upset?

He thinks I had no reason to be upset, and is angry with me for not having a nice greeting for him when he walks in the door. I tell him how can I be happy to see you when you walk in the door and not only disrespect me, but pull a double standard. He disagrees and says he doesn't care what I say about his music to him or to my friends. I tell him thats just not true and give examples which he blows off. I say my feelings are hurt, because I am sensitive and I felt like him making fun of my music was the same as him making fun of me, because isn't the music we listen to a reflection of ourselves? He says I am overreacting. I say that he isn't seeing things from my point of view and I tell him I want a sincere apology. He's pissed off and tells me I am always making problems out of nothing and I am trying to make him look like the bad guy. I am offended because I rarely start arguments and am usually good tempered and quiet. Then he left the house because he said I ruined his day.

thanks "Chris", but the another problem is that I usually do let it slide as you say.. that's why we rarely fight. And I told him that too. If I complained about half the stuff he says or does we would never stop fighting. But I let it go because I love him, and I am mature enough not to let it get to me. But this time I had to say something! Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy... We love each other a lot, but I was so angry, and was willing to let it go, which I tried to do....until he tried to pull attitude while I was leaving to go shopping, as if I had done something wrong, and didn't want to kiss me goodbye..Thats when the fighting started. Because even though I felt like I had a right to be upset, I was willing to let it go and go about my day, but he couldn't.

Answer 1

I think it's okay if he disagrees with your taste in music, but I think it's inappropriate for him to laugh at you, and especially to encourage his friend to laugh at you. It seems like you know this is inappropriate. Talk to him at a time when neither of you is upset and let him know that this bothered you.

Answer 2

My boyfriend and I have a similar problem. I have a thing for reality TV shows. Anything from "Girls Next Door" to "I Love New York" to "The Hills", I'm addicted. My boyfriend HATES these shows because "they're all fake", but loves cartoons, car shows, and the golf channel. And when I say cartoons, I mean things like "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" and "Courage the Cowardly Dog" and "Spongebob Squarepants" (he's 23, I'm 21). I mean, at least I'm watching shows made for adults, right?!? But do I ever come in while he's watching these things and change the channel? Nooo! I'd never do that because it's so disrespectful to me. Does he do it to me? All the time. Not to mention the very heated arguments we get into afterwards.
I think guys just have this gene that makes it so if their girlfriend likes something that they don't, they're entitled to make fun of us for it.
I guess all we can do is try to talk to them about it and hope they listen! At least you know people can relate!

Answer 3

You do have a right to be upset because he is making fun of you by making fun of what you like. The problem is not that you have the right to get mad but that you are actually getting mad. Try to just brush this one off. I mean who cares if he makes fun of the music you like! I am sure you guys have better things to fight about. If you can't learn to brush things off you will surely fight more than necessary. Realize that you getting mad is feeding him to do things like this. If you never even react to how he acts in these minor situations he will probably lose interest and stop all together. Besides, who doesn't like the Smashing Pumpkins!?!?!

Answer 4

Yes you have a right to be upset, he was downright rude to you...He has no reason to be mad at you for feeling the way you do...what a jerk

Answer 5

i would be upset at the fact that he is encouraging his friend or rather INVITING his friend to laugh at you....it is rude, disrespectful and uncalled for, I would have turned the music up!!!!

Answer 6

yeah, tell him exactly what you told us. he should make fun of you with his friends. its different if its just you two, but when he brings a friend into it, then it can become hurtful.