should we elope?

Question

I am 17 and my fiance is 20. we have a 2 month old son. Despite what you may think we are mature and responsible parents and our son is everything to us. My fiance lives with his parents right now due to family rules. Hes had a really hard time finding work. Our state is very hard to find a job in which is why alot of people work out of state. he finally got a job 2 weeks ago at walmart. he had a blood and hair drug test last week and the results arent in yet. I know he smokes pot twice in august (before we were back together)and the drug test can detect back that far. So the chance that his test could be possitive is an unfortunate reality. His mom said if its possitive she's kicking him out on the street. I couldn't let him live on the street. We were planning a wedding in May, but my mom says if that happens we should elope. I wouldn't mind but my question is what do you think we should do?

Answer 1

Do not compound the life you have already geared for yourself by marrying anyone, anywhere. IF you were as mature as you state you would not have gotten pregnant at 16. It is NOT mature despite what you think to smoke pot just a few weeks ago and I seriously doubt that has stopped.

Go get some counseling and stop acting rashly.

Not what you were looking for but did you want us to just agree with you or pull punchs?

Answer 2

Firstly, just to answer your question about the pot smoking, it's not wether or not they actually detect THC in the blood or hair, it's the the LEVEL of THC found, so if he is a regular dope smoker, he can consider himself unemployed, if there is only a very small level of THC in the sample, that will show only a very minimal amount of use. Why are you so concerned about being married? Is there pressure from your family? If you are in a de facto relationship, it makes no difference, after 6 or 12 months you are still 'legally' declared a married couple. If you have good family support where you are, stay there, if not, you may need to consider moving out of state for a while where your partner can gain regular employment. At this stage, your only priority should be the welfare of your family and ensure you have the basics: a roof over your head, food on the table and the ability to pay rent or board. It sounds as though your mum wants what is best, so maybe if she could offer to take care of the bay for a few days a week and you could also look for some casual or part time work, it doesn't matter if your partner works at wal mart, mcdonalds or does some factory work, the motive is, a regular income and stability for your family. You are both young and beleive me, it won't be like this forever, you will eventually get there, it's just that having a baby has lessened your options, but you seem happy. Stay optimistic and look for any opportunity for work, as a double income will get you there sooner. best of luck!

Answer 3

I think you're putting the cart before the horse. Wait and see if the test comes back positive, then see if his mom follows through. Where would you live if he was kicked out? Obviously if he doesn't get this job, money will still be an issue. Could he go out of state to find work and send for you later? I'd be inclined not to rush into anything......if you love each other, your feelings will still be there, and likely stronger in 6 months or more. Make a plan for what he'll do for employment if he flunks the test, and move forward from there. I would not elope at this point but focus on finances first.

Answer 4

My straighforward answer would be to think long and hard before doing any rash decisions and that your fiance should get his act together.

How could you say that you are mature and responsible parents when your fiance is smoking pot and both of you still living with his parents? That does not sound "mature" and "responsible" to me. Sorry...

The question is, if you guys decide to elope could you afford it on your own with your fiance jobless and you mothering a 2month old baby? Sadly, at this point in time trying to elope is really not a good idea. Accept the fact that both of you still need your parents to help you at this stage. If you can stand on your own two feet then that's the time that you should find a place of your own.

Answer 5

take it from someone who knows. Do not go to a courthouse and get married. I know you have probably heard people say that you are married no matter how much money you spend but trust me you won't feel that way. I got married 31/2 years ago to the love of my life. All my life I had dreamed about having a big church wedding and when that didn't happen it has put a bad spot in my heart like a empty hole. I have tried to get over it but I can't and in 6 weeks we are renewing our vows.My advice to you is if you feel like you have got to hurry it up go get a cheap dress and him a suit and throw your hair up and go get married at a wedding chapel. You can invite your family and his. For your own sake invite his mom. Then she will realize that she didn't win. The chapel has all the decorates you'll need there. Don't cut your self short on your dream. Every little girl has there dream wedding. Trust me.....

Answer 6

Mature. What the hell are you saying. he smokes an illegal substance and you've already had a kid and your 17. If I were you I would concentrate on creating a solid foundation where you,your partner and your child will need. What is running away from the strongest support your going to get achieve for you? Nothing at all. Have a good talk to your and his parents and try to find some middle ground in which all parties involved will benefit from. Stop being so damn selfish when you have a child to take care of. Your needs are a distant second since you decided to bring this child into this world. Its your duty to provide and take care of it.

Think logically and do what is best. Lord help you if you stuff this up.

Answer 7

I think that since you have a son with this guy and you two are both mature adults right now. You should do what you feel is right. Meaning right now for you you fiancee and your son should be a little more important than all the rest. if his test comes back positive take that as a sign to move on and be there for him and your son. so yes you should elope.

Answer 8

you guys are young and with a baby! you need family, you need money, you need help. Stop doing drugs, get a job, raise your baby, let your parents into your life and help you with the child. If the parents are horrible and you really cant find a job then get up and move. I wouldnt even worry about getting married as of right now. Living on your own costs alot of money. Working at Walmart might not cut it especially with a kid.

Answer 9

Having recently married, I can tell you that starting out is one of the more trying times in a relationship because not only will you be married but you will have to find money for apartment, food, heat, etc... Are you prepared for these expenses?? If you're not, then in all likelihood you'll find marriage to be one fight after another. Just be sensible, save your money and marry when everyone is ready.

Answer 10

it seems that you both love each other and want the same thing... but it seems like your fiance has a lot to work out right now. why are you in such a rush to be married? maybe he should take some time to find a job he likes, work things out (as best he can) with his own family, and then he will be in a better position - both financially and emotionally - to marry you. whatever happens, best of luck to you.