Depression?

Question

When someone close to you is depressed and won't tell you what is the problem, what do I do? He is prone to depression but this is the first one he has had since he has been with me. We have been together for years. We have just moved in together. I feel that because my family are overbearing and strict with me it is partly my fault he is depressed even though he says it isn't. What can I do to help him and to stop myself from getting down as well?

Answer 1

Depression is an illness. Sometimes there is no cause. Sometimes it is something that doesn't relate to anything at all. It's difficult sometimes to understand what a person with depression goes through and why. Often we struggle with the same ideas. Never blame yourself. I'm sure he truly appreciates your support. Some people never get support. You should be very proud of yourself for being able to supprt him. Often times, depression makes you isolate. You often feel like its useless to say what's on your mind. (ie. "what would be the point? it won't change anything anyway.") I would suggest that you tell him gently, I am concerned for you. I want to understand. Please help me to understand. Even if you just tell me what you're thinking. One thing I know is that the support often needs their own support. In other words, you need someone too. Lean on a close friend, confide in them. Most of all, know that you aren't doing anything wrong. Be patient and compassionate. Most of all, tell him he's not alone. We always feel so alone. Tell him you're in it together. Because that's what a relationship is-togetherness.

Good luck and blessings.

Answer 2

Clinical depression is a chemical inbalance. Unfortunately there is nothing you can see or touch to help understand or rationalise it.
Many people who suffer from it do not actually have "depressive" personalities.
It is different from reactionary depression, which is what most people suffer from at one point or another.
It also has nothing to do with anything you have done. As a sufferer, I know how hard it is for others around me to deal with. I am lucky to have some very wonderful friends. The best thing you can do is encourage him to seek treatment. Once this can commence, you will see an improvement over a period of weeks, it is not instant. Clinincal or chronic depression needs to be managed and when it is life, can be as normal as anyones.
If you need help and support go and talk to your doctor about the condition. To most people the symptoms, etc. are a mystery to recognise and are very difficult to deal with.
I wish you both love and luck in dealing with this.

Answer 3

First off - it is not your fault. You cant think that way. The best thing you can do for him is not take it personally. He is depressed because he has depression, not because he is unhappy or because you make him feel bad. He probably makes himself feel bad by worrying about how he makes you feel. Its quite a nasty little circle you can get yourself in with thoughts like that.

I went through a similar thing, only it was my partner that had to cope with my depression. The best thing he ever did was let me have my personal down-time without putting pressure on me to cheer-up. Theres nothing worse when someone tells you to do so. When I had days when I could do nothing but cry, he bought me tea in bed and told me he loved me. He made me feel that no matter how crap I felt, he was there for me and would not judge me on my problems.

With his support I visited the doctor and went on medication - the best thing I have ever done. I feel normal now. I still have very low days but I tell him im low and he leaves me to it.

You need to have a chat with him about how you are finding it difficult to cope with his moods. Tell him how you want to help but feel useless. Make it a productive conversation and make some promises to each other. For example... when one of you has done something to piss the other one off... talk about it, have an argument... whatever... dont sulk... that way you can identify the difference between depression and sulking (something that most men have mastered to a tee) and react accordingly. Agree that when he is having a low day, he just tells you "I'm feeling low today", that way you dont take it personally and you know hes not sulking.

Have the medication discussion... talk it through. it could change your lives.

hope that helps

Answer 4

Is he on medication for it? If he is he may need a stronger dose, you need to be strong for him. Everybody gets down sometimes, others are more prone to it. It could be his job, finances family problems the list goes on and on. Just make sure he knows you are there for him, if he needs to talk he will open up to you when he is ready, as they say a problem shared is a problem halved. Stop thinking it is you because you will just end up feeling down too!! You need to look ahead at your future go and have some fun! Go cinema bowling anything sitting in the house watching tv will just get you both bored and down.

Answer 5

Quit asking him what the problem is when he is ready to talk he will and if he chooses not to tell you get over it he deserves some privacy. The only person you can control is you Trust me if you were the problem I am sure he would tell you.

Be sensitive to his feelings tell him that you love him but don't bug him. It is normal for people to get upset or depressed for a little while it is only a problem if he stays like that forever. Pray for him and with him that is the most important thing you can do for him. good luck

Answer 6

See depression treatments, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris in section 2, and consult a doctor, to eliminate thyroid problems, etc. as possible contributing factors. It is your decision, and yours alone, as to whether to take any antidepressants offered, but, before you do, read section 1, and check medications out at www.drugs.com so you will be on the lookout for side effects, like sexual dysfunction. My strong recommendation, however, is to follow the advice of my doctor, his partner, and also Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP, and Dr. Mercola, as well, at http://www.mercola.com and avoid antidepressants (page 2V refers, & antidepressant websites: page 2). All of their advice, (except prayer, because many people are not religious) I have incorporated into the "core treatments", including others as options, such as herbal remedies (none of which have been conclusively demonstrated to work with severe depression). If you are diagnosed with clinical (major) depression, antidepressants may be necessary for a while, which will give the treatments time to become effective. The antidepressants themselves need at least several days, or even many weeks to become effective. It's a good idea to taper off them slowly, with medical advice, after several months, say, to a couple of years, at most, because they are only effective in the long term for about 30% of people. Because of this, you would be well advised to begin the treatments immediately, and maintain them. I'd just thank your mental health care provider, and pocket the prescription, trying the treatments for a few months, to see if they are sufficient for you, before considering filling it (unless clinically depressed, and having great difficulty functioning, in which case I'd take them). Print relevant parts/ refer him, and invite him to walk briskly with you for 20 - 30 mns, daily, sating you feel safer with him to protect you. Give him the supplements, or eat more oily fish (salmon, tuna, mackeral, & sardines).

Answer 7

tell yr overbearing family to back off a bit if u think that they're the problem.

P.s. lingerie makes any man smile !!!

Answer 8

you must consider the practical reasons that can lead to that first.

work / financial situation.

relationship with his family.

health status.

possibile feeling of guilt / loss of self estime.

but you must work that out yourself and not ask.

Answer 9

bottom line he will tell you when he feels ready to and not before. my advice is just be supportive untill he is ready to talk and you may not be the best person for him to talk to either!

Answer 10

Yeah my ex was always "whats wrong, talk to me about your feelings" blah blah

And I dumped her

If he wants to tell you he will :)