Should I just suck it up and go to his holiday gatherings or not.?

Question

I have been in a monogomous relationship with the same 55 yr old man for 6 yrs. I work full time and have a successful career and he does too. He has been divorced now for around 7 yrs and I had nothing to do with his divorce. He has 3 kids and
They have told their dad they do not like me. Probably because I have been very up front with my belief these kids ranging from age 26 to 32 should all be out on their own.
They should be able to support themselves by now and not be milking their dad. We have a great relationship except when it comes to these kids. I also have 2 adult children who are independent. His adult kids move home like a revolving door with their whole family and when they move in suddenly go on weekend vacations and dont help with the bills or anything. They blow money and then cannot pay bills.
I pay my share when we go out. I have deferred family get togethers for 3 yrs now. I dont really care either way. I want whats best for him and to make him happy

Answer 1

Sounds to me you are in a sticky situation. Alot of people would tell you that you should keep your mouth shut when it comes to the children since you are not married to their father. However, because you have been with him for so long, some would consider you two married.
In my opinion, the best thing for you to do is not to say anything to the kids, since obviously your opinion doesn't matter, instead, it just causes havic.
If you haven't sat down with your boyfriend and expressed to him in a stern, but not in a rude manner, way to let him know how you feel, then you need to do so. If you already have, then the only thing you can do is just keep your mouth shut and let the father figure it out on his own.
But if you're going out of your way, such as paying when you go out, or paying bills that he should be paying or the kids, I would stop doing that.
When it comes to family gatherings, if he plans it and sets it up, then allow it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to do things like that. If they have one away from your home, I would go. Why not? Just showing up with their dad in their home will show them you're not going to back down.

Answer 2

I really don't think it is any of your business what he does for his kids. Does he tell you what to do with your kids? So what !He looks after his kids past the age of 18. It doesn't matter what age your kids are, they are still your kids and what is the problem with helping them out if they need it? It sounds like you need to grow up and be more mature about the situation or your relationship wont last much longer. I'm surprised it has lasted this long with your attitude towards his kids. He sounds like a good father who loves his kids and is prepared to be their back bone when needed. You should be proud of him and maybe follow in his footsteps with your own kids. Go for the holiday gathering and stop making life difficult. Life is to short to be worrying about money.

Answer 3

You should absolutely go....... Don't give them the satisfaction of ruining your holidays. Unfortunately, if that is how he lets his kids treat him there isn't anything you can do. If the relationship is that important to you that is something your going to have to let go of but, by all means, you deserve to enjoy the holiday season just as much as anybody else. Good luck!

Answer 4

yeah you should go its family if they really care about you then they will get over it, it is time for his kids to get on their own they are grown you got a good point but he is probably set in his ways go and have fun

Answer 5

I said go out and have you some fun with your man, don't even worry about the other free loader.

Answer 6

ask him what he wants to do. sounds like a sticky situation.

Answer 7

yes, just go, it will be over quick