We live in a dual residence (ie one house downstairs with my parents living there & Another upstairs where my husband & I live with our 2yr8mth old daughter). I am the only child, my daughter the only grandchild. She is used to her grandparents downstairs. Her grandfather is about to die. We do not have any religion in our lives so I cannot say to her that he has gone to heaven, or to live with angels, or god etc & I dont want to just try that now. When he is gone she will regularly ask where he is. We say now, hospital, asleep etc. We can say this after he has gone & she will be fine but I do not want my mother to keep going through the reminder day after day and having to lie to her. Do we actually take her to the funeral and say he is in the coffin and gone? (I dont like that as her last memory of him, but maybe thats what you have to do). i expect many people have tried things that I cannot think of now, so, Please, any and all ideas and suggestions... thank you !!!!!!!
2007-11-19 00:08:17 · 6 answers · asked by RR&BB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We went through this when my wife died, just tell the child the truth, Without getting in to religion, if they ask about heaven or
the hereafter, tell them NOBODY knows for sure, you just have to wait and see. Small children are surprisingly flexible about it all. My grandsons reaction was "oh thats sad, I'll miss her" then he went back to playing with trucks.
2007-11-19 00:23:49 · answer #1 · answered by wise old sage 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in this situation, but unfortunately my uncle decided that my cousin was too young to understand that my grandmother was dead, and told him only that she'd "gone away". Problem with this was he didn't let the rest of the family in on it and there were tears and rows when at a later gathering little cuz asked another (still grieving) relative when Gran was coming back and was told "she's dead darling, so never".
My suggestion would be to tell your daughter he's dead, or gone. Don't necessarily take her to the funeral - she may be confused, even frightened if she's surrounded by upset people trying to "comfort" her - but if there's a memorial or headstone let her see that. Depending on your beliefs say it's OK to talk to him there if she wants to but he isn't alive and she won't see him any more.
Whatever your decision, let your family know to avoid misunderstandings, and don't try to stop her asking questions, as she'll be trying to adjust to the change in her life and understand what's happened.
Good luck, and best wishes
2007-11-19 08:45:23 · answer #2 · answered by roza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a daughter who was nearly two when my grandfather passed away. she was very close to him and i thought that she would never remember him at such a young age, but she did. She is three now and still thinks of him and asks where he is. May i suggest putting a nice picture up of him in your house so every day she thinks of him and will grow up remembering him to. I have told my daughter that her great grandfather is up in the sky with the sun during the day and the stars at night. we occasionally look up and she waves and says that she loves him and misses him. That's all they really need to know at such a young age. Perhaps take her to the ceremony but not the Burial. Just get someone (mother in law) to take her to the ceremony and take her home while you go on to the burial. The last thing you want is to look after her at a time like that. that's what we did. May i also suggest taking her as much as possible to See her grandfather to before he dies that helps. They may br young but i can tell they are not stupid at a time like that. My little girl knew that he grandfather was sick. I just think that it would be good for both of them to see as much of each other as they can. My thoughts are with you and your family.
2007-11-19 08:28:55 · answer #3 · answered by Blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her the truth as simple as you can. Its a really big deal to you that your father is dying, but to a 2 yr old, its going to be very concrete and she is going to accept the idea without all the emotion you have. At 2 yrs old, she has not deveoped meaning with loss yet. She will just accept it and go on.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope this helps
2007-11-19 08:28:29 · answer #4 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
start by telling her now that he is very sick. and sometimes when people get this sick they die. that means we wont be able to see and talk to them but they will live on and watch over us. if u start talking now it will be much easier... my mother passed away 2 yrs ago. my neice was only like 18months and understood to a point. now shes 3 and tells us she has 3 grannys. one in fla, 1 in canada and 1 in heaven watching her.... we keep pictures of my mom around so she can see them anytime she wants. she even have her own pic of her on her table in her room. good luck srry u got to go thru this
2007-11-19 09:17:28 · answer #5 · answered by kitttkat2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell her your grandfarther is going for a long travel at somewhere
2007-11-19 08:12:26 · answer #6 · answered by Hunter 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋