my childrens death?

Question

i posted a question a short while ago about explaining the death of my childrens father to them one or two of you seem to think i am going to tell my kids thier father was an evil man that is not my plan i am an ex addict myself so i do understand . my children already know that there father was an alcoholic because he had told them this against my advice what i'm saying is that they are all angry at him and i don't want them to be i want them to understand about the illness he had, thanks for your answers though.

Answer 1

.I am not one of the people who answered your earlier question but I really sympathize with you at such a terrible time. Who are they to judge?
The guidance I was given is to answer the child's questions with a question. If they ask for your opinion or advise that is different, but make them try to work out their own answers.
Doing it that way lets you know the way they are thinking and you can share thoughts a lot easier. The most frightening thing to a child is fear of the unknown, so by talking things through you are helping them explore all the scary things they are thinking.

Answer 2

If all people who abuse alcohol commit suicide then why are you here today?

Your sons and/or daughters are experiencing grief and trying to stay real with the subject of suicide and alcohol abuse which may include appropriate anger. They may go thru a time of feeling they were not loved. Despite all these stages of grief suicide is still self-murder. After all, unless you are into drama, suicide under any circumstance is active disrespect for self and others. The same goes for choosing to drink irresponsibly. Was he abusing alcohol also when he took his life - then let your children experience appropriate fear/anger concerning both subjects without confusion and you demanding they feel sorry for their father. No words that glorify or suggest excuses for self-murder is healthy.

They have a right to accept that he made that choice and choices to continue to abuse alcohol up to that date which resulted in selfish behavior that can't be turned around. They also have a right to see you made the final choice to stop drinking irresponsibly because it was and is not good for any person to do so including their mother. So, if it's not ok for you to do these things then it isn't and wasn't ok for dad either.

Tough call mom because it's natural for a mother not to want her children to hurt but please respect that everyone grieves when a death occurs and at different levels of understanding depending on how their loved-one passed. Also, there is greif to others when someone abuses alcohol that already exits but people have the right to process those actions in a healthy manner ----> instead of being expected to bluff themselves on the issue that goes on in the present.

If it goes on too long all you can do is offer them this "there is nobody here to be angry at...you can move on with your life" IF they are stuck. If their father just passed they are not stuck...give them some room on this and provide positive gatherings. You know that helps with spiritual growth as well I'm assuming.

Answer 3

The fact that he had an illness is a fact and there's no way to put that back into the bag once it's out.
Anger is one way of reacting to that fact. There will always be some anger that they have about the fact, but it will change with time. You MAY be able to help them deal with their anger productively, but not at first. Angry people operate from their own perception of the facts and are not likely to release those perceptions just because you tell them what you want.
Learning to deal with one's emotions is part of growing up.

Answer 4

First of all i would like to say I am sorry for your loss. My father was an alcoholic too. My mother told me the truth. I hated my father for dieing and leaving us. and to this day I still am. Just tell the kids that their Dad was a great man and he was very very sick. the way my mom told me his my dad was superman and alcohol was his kryptenite (sp)

I wish i could give you more but thats all i got for now
best of luck

Answer 5

it really is what those who have not learnt something from historic past will proceed to trust is the right route in existence. i understand this must be incorrect, inhabitants improve must be stopped. Or a minimum of in basic terms have in difficulty-free words one newborn no longer 5!!. the international can't cope with 12 Billion+ human beings that is the position we will be at in 10-twenty years. Sorry for rant.

Answer 6

Of course they are angry - he went away and left them. They would probably be angry even had he been run over by a bus, or died of cancer. It's a naturnal way for them to deal with the grief. Just be there for them and try to help them come to terms with it. But right now it's natural for them to need to be angry with someone. Provided you are honest with them, they will come to understand eventually...but it may take years. My thoughts are with you.

Answer 7

being a child of addicts myself, i think it is a good thing to teach them about the illness part of being an addict...regardless, they still may be angry but i think what your trying to do would be good

Answer 8

Try and point out all of the good things about their father. Im sure there were some. remind them about a fun family time they had with him. remind them of how much he loved them, just try and keep those memeries with them. reminice about times you shared while you were dating him. good luck.

Answer 9

you can explain till the cows come home honey and it wont change the way they feel.They are kids-they don't understand and frankly they don't want to most likely.Let them grieve how they may.After while they will come around.It's okay-don't blame yourself and try to be patient.Goodluck.