Got dumped by a girl with baggage. Should I feel bad that I miss her???

Question

In August, a mutual friend hooked me up with a girl who I immediately fell for! And she immediately fell for me! We started dating full speed ahead. She was more at the wheel than I was... wanting me to focus on her and be a one-woman man, etc. I complied with no problem! She even introduced to her parents and I met up with them on several occasions. She would call or text me every morning to say hello and we hung out 4 times a week.

As time went on, she confessed she'd gotten out of a year-long live-in relationship with a guy who was verbally abusive. They'd stopped dating three months prior. Normally that would scare me, but I took a gamble and stuck it out.

Then one day, she broke up with me. Sobbed and said she couldn't do it and thought she was ready. A week later, she took me back and was full-speed ahead with me again. Then after another couple weeks, she dumped me again out fear. I obviously know I should move on, but I miss her badly! What do I do? Advice. No punks, please

Answer 1

Hi, Friend. What you are suffering from is a side effect of being the target of a rebound relationship. When we break up with someone that we've been with for a long time, we often go looking for a "recovery" relationship. This is usually a relationship with someone that isn't really appropriate for a long term relationship, but is very good for our ego, and helps us cope with the loss of the previous relationship. Not "Mr. Right" so much as "Mr. Right Now". Because the relationship is driven by pain and longing, they can be very fast and intense.

When having a rebound relationship, it's very important to be honest with the other person about what you're going through, and it looks like she did that. It's also important to go into it with the brakes on so that when you finally realize that this person isn't long-term compatible, it isn't so hard to pull back out. It doesn't seem like that happened.

So what you're left with is a very strong emotional attachment to someone who you aren't really compatible with. I'm sure that the intensity made it feel very real, and that you were very happy with the time you spent together. I've been there.

First, you have to decide what you want. You probably aren't what she wants out of life, and if you push a relationship then you may wind up with someone who only kinda sorta likes you. You need to re-asses the relationship without the thrill of the intensity, and that may be hard in the space your head is in right now.

Second, if you decide to go for it anyway, then holding onto her tightly will just drive her away. She's decided that you aren't what she wants, so attempting to hold on will only upset her and make her pull away harder. If you really want her, then be nice about it and keep her at arms length. This may still not win her over, but on the other hand she may decide that she likes you more than she thought she did and she's willing to give it another (more sane) go.

Either way, the objective would be to develop a more stable relationship that is long-term maintainable. It won't do you any good to have another spin on the whirl-wind and be thrown to the ground again.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Yes it is normal, but by normal i mean that anyone expresses different emotions in a given situation, and it seems that this is your natural emotion. However, because i do not know you personally or what you are going through in your life i cannot tell if that is how you would normally act. Three thoughts came into my mind when i read this: 1. You already inside wanted this to be over to escape all the unwanted drama with him, and more important things to give your time into 2. You may be truly shocked and pissed that you cared so much about him and need closures as to why he behaved like he that towards you or ended it 3. You experienced so much in your life that you got used to that type of people entering and leaving that it became a norm to you.

Answer 4

Learn to understand yourself in all of this.
People do tend to look at the other person as though the relationship or non-relationship is about them.
This is about you.
Look at your part, your vulnerablility, your needs, your wants.
One needs to learn about self, how you feel about self.
When two people love and respect themselves, only then are they really able to give that in a relationship.

Take what this girl said as her truth. It does take whatever it takes for the energetic and feelings from previous relationships to be "worked" through. Unless the person has grown or evolved from the previous relationship, one attracts the same old same old again and again. This includes you obviously.

Life is relationship. How we relate to everything. How we relate to all people.

Allow her the space she needs, what is the problem. Of course you miss her. She was part of your energy field, and her, yours. Be kind and loving to all people.

I really do not understand the way some people see relationships, follow your intuition, not someones advice from what they did.
People will say, all sorts of things relative to their own case.
This is your life, be as big and as generous as you possibly can.
There are far too many people in the world suffering from "broken relationships"

The world is "relationship", it is just the form it takes.

Answer 5

U don't miss her...u just miss the idea of her. And u very well know that u ought to move on with life...so make new friends. There are plenty of single women out there yearning to be serenaded...go ahead and take ur chance..in no time will u forget the idea of her as well. Take care before u make a commitment the next time.

Answer 6

She COULD be a Prize-Girl but she already honestly admitted she has been bruised / abused.
If you Love her, give her space and time. You can BE THERE for her even if she is not there. Don't pressure her; let her heal.
She'll be calling you again; just go easy on her. Allow here LOTS of time to talk and talk and talk. Forget about the intimate part right now; just be her Best Friend.

Answer 7

Get over her because it seems she has been caring for herself more then caring for you. You were the rebound it sounds like. Kind you a good girl and let this other thing go on and live in the past. Maybe if she was with that guy who beat her @ss for over a year you should slap her up one good time. Sounds like she needs it with her selfish self. Best of luck to you in what ever you do.

Answer 8

tell her that you are willing to give her some space to get over her issues. If she accepts that and shows she is willing to maybe have something a little later on then you can hold on for a while. If her response is negative - well sorry but you need to get over her. and that's only done by sticking it out - time does heal eventually.

Answer 9

Okay wow it seems like you guys both really liek eachother!! And shes just probably scared and frighten still probably i mean think about it she was verbally abusive by her ex b/f for a year. thats going to take sum time to get over it and heal. But i think you shuld still hold on to her a lil longer...who knows wat mite happen...it can work or it cant...lifes bout taking chances. Okay well thats my opinion what to do!!

:) hope everything works out!

Answer 10

i think you shld sit down with her to talk about it. try to know her fears, why she had to do this to you. if both of you can agree and can see that this r/s is going to be going further, suggest to live together and then enraged and get married. but if she see herself not ready for anything, then you have to give yourself a timeline, say 1 or 2 year.. if you can wait till example 2 years but she is still not ready, i think you should move on with life. have a nice life!!