I am flying home to be with my family who live on the other side of the country. I have recently started dating a new guy (for one month) and things were going fairly well. My family was interested in meeting him and had invited him to Thanksgiving dinner.
In the last two weeks of getting to know him better there have been many things about him that I have really started to dislike a lot. I don't think that it is a good idea that he goes with me to see my family (who I haven't seen in a year and a half) anymore. I told him that I would re-emburse him for the plane ticket he purchased, but he was still really upset that he couldn't go with me anymore. On top of my concerns for how I am liking him - I know that it would be an added burdon on my elderly Great-Aunt who would be hosting us. He was really upset that I just wanted to go back by myself.
Was I wrong for dis-inviting him?
2007-11-18 17:32:01 · 7 answers · asked by Lynn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Debra- to answer some of your questions. He is a great man with lots of good values. But unfortunitly, he also comes with a lot of qualities that I do not like. Including arrogance, really poor etiquette (which is important to me) and even though he insists he is not gay - he has many gay mannerisms that are obvious and make me really uncomfortable. And yes, you're right, I may not have another holiday left with with her - and unfortunitly I told him that... even implied that she was nothing short of pretty much dying and that we were making this holiday nothing but close family - even my brother's girlfriend (newly fiance) is not going anymore. He responded quite negatively to this... saying that "but I'm different" because he is "understanding and helpful". Part of me thinks I am wrong for dis-inviting him but the other part of me is offended that he isn't being sensitive to my families needs. Money is not the issue, but I do feel bad that he may be spending Thanksgiving alone.
2007-11-18 22:46:45 · update #1
No dear, don't think so. you'll soon get over him getting over it.
2007-11-18 17:36:01 · answer #1 · answered by Yvonne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Short answer...NO. I'm sorry to hear that a relationship that seemed to hold promise has now evolved to one that may, in fact, be less than promising. I'm also sorry that he may be forced to make other plans for Thanksgiving on short notice. That's tough. But this is where the questions start. Is he going to have problems making other plans? Is this because he has no close relationships with other friends/family? If you've offered to reimburse him do it. Even if it is a financial burden, better that than an emotional burden. Explain to him that possibly you may not have many more holidays with your great aunt and that this family time is really precious to you. It may also be possible that he was looking forward to simply traveling; was this trip to an area new to him? Well, he can always exchange the ticket for a flight at another time and take a buddy. During this time away you will have a chance to put this new relationship into perspective. Is he what you want in a man? Is he simply cloying and annoying? Does he already seem dependent on you and your relationship? If you are not sure a couple of quick calls while apart can maybe keep things going. If not, maybe gently breaking the news that this is not what you need over the phone will be easier. This is a time for family and a time to be grateful for what we have, not a time for a potentially uncomfortable situation. Good luck.
2007-11-18 17:52:42 · answer #2 · answered by Debra W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Lynn,
i don't know that i would say that you were wrong for dis-inviting him but i think i could understand how he might have been hurt by the situation. Part of it i think depends on the tone of your relationship (personally if my girlfriend invited me to meet her parents after dating for a month--- i'd be a little bit nervous about that unless by that time i was quite certain that the relationship was leading to marriage). He should have the maturity to understand your reservations.
i guess part of it is also how you communicated the "bad news" to him. If we applied the put the shoe on the other foot (if you were in his situation) how would you respond? Seemingly he probably likes you a lot more than you like him- so just be somewhat sensitive to that. He's probably realizing that there have been changes to the relationship as you make your observations and may be figuring out how to cope with feelings of rejection.
i don't think you can avoid feeling bad-- because your reason is you aren't sure where the relationship is going- and the invitation prompted a thought that it was going one way- when you may be thinking about turning the relationship another way. My only advice i can offer you is to be honest.
Lynn it says a lot about you that you are asking this question and being considerate of his feelings. I don't think it matters what popular opinion is - whether what you did was right or wrong- what matters is doing the right thing from this point forward. I'd say enjoy your Thanksgiving and see how the situation ressolves- it may go a long way in determining whether he'll be spending next Thanksgiving with you or not.
Good luck.
Kindly,
Nickster
2007-11-21 18:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by Nickster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to take heed to approximately your mothers and dads. existence transformations alot while they are long previous. i know the form you sense. i'm interior the same boat. i ended the kinfolk gatherings some years decrease back. all of us became depressing and that i think of now they are satisfied that we stopped it. Your aunt is attempting to be form and carry the kinfolk jointly even though it is an phantasm of love. while you at the instant are not close, you at the instant are not close, and no quantity of kinfolk dinners can replace that. you do no longer owe all of us an excuse. you're an grownup and you get to do what you prefer. in case you may make excuse, a million.) you have made different plans this 12 months. era. in spite of if it is observing a action picture on your pj's. 2.) you're too under pressure good now to be around alot of noise and human beings. you haven't any longer the capability for corporation or communique 3.) it is the only time you're off artwork and would loosen up 4.) you and your brother are going to initiate your very own Thanksgiving custom at a community eating place and prefer to be on my own to remember your mothers and dads. 5.) you're spending the long weekend with events with buddies good good fortune Yahoo pal. existence is in basic terms too short to spend one hour the place we don't prefer to be.
2016-10-17 06:01:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOOO! just blame it on the family and explain that if you were to invite him they would be expecting a child within 10 min.. he will and should understand you then just let him know you want him to meet them when there is no pressure of the holidays on their shoulders maybe next summer .. that way if he still wit u around summer of 09 then u gotta post another question
2007-11-18 17:38:47 · answer #5 · answered by sexxisha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.
You made the right decision based on what you know about your family. The fact that your new friend is not part of your family allows you to do what is best for the family and yourself in regards to them. He should understand that your choice to not include him in the family gathering is best for the time being. If he does not understand... he needs to work on his understanding.
Have a good "Holy-Day"
2007-11-19 04:55:29 · answer #6 · answered by yah_ra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answers to your Question young lady is your great aunt cannot afford to host the two of you ,and tell him so NO
2007-11-18 17:39:41 · answer #7 · answered by howaboutit99@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋