He's just argumentative (16) and does not appreciate what he gets. I just took away a laptop computer from him . He does not seem to care. What can I do?
2007-11-18 17:22:16 · 31 answers · asked by Parercut Faint 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
keep the laptop for yourself. he obviously doesnt realize the value of things. make him work for the next thing he wants to get. open communication is also great.
2007-11-18 17:25:03 · answer #1 · answered by Patty P 1 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Why isn't your son doing chores?? If you don't teach him responsibility, then who will? My husband thought he was giving his teenage daughter a great childhood where she could just "be a kid" by not ever having her do one chore or anything to help out and running his whole life around what she wanted to do and buying her anything she asked for at the mall. He would fork over $20 bills a few at a time. It turned her into a spoiled monster demanding money who told her dad to "F*** Off" and went to live with her mom a year and a half ago at the house where she always DID have lots of chores and duties.
Spoiling him is only doing him a disservice. Keep the laptop for yourself or return it but don't give it to your son with his attitude. You need to give him boundaries, ground rules, responsibilities and teach him the value of a dollar.
2007-11-19 01:51:55 · answer #2 · answered by Wintergirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the laptop.
Watch him for doing drugs.
He is 16, that's a tuff age.
Do you think he'd rather have a car over a Lap top?
Did he ask for a Lap top?
Assign him chores to do, do chores with him, that way you can show him how to do it right. Like raking leafs??
Maybe you should have a father/son day out. Try and talk to him. Find out what's going on in his life. Is he dating anyone?
Is he depessed? Talk, talk talk and listen.
Then watch his actions, there is something he loves the most, you've just not been paying that much attention.
Oh and by the way, don't buy him any more luxerys, like you said,he doesn't appreciate them anyway.
You said he doesn't appreciate what he gets, maybe that's because he's not getting what he really wants....more time with you? More discipline?
How are his grades? Does he play any sports? Do you ever go out and pass the football around?
You know some of lifes greatest gifts are just giving your time to your children. Get more involved in his life. At this age, he's not going to care to much for that, but tooooooo bad, Dad is back (without buying him a thing) just to spend time with him and do it no matter how "gay" he says it is. Just Do It.. and tons of luck....thank goodnes my son wasn't hard to raise,it was my DAUGHTER :( still hard I know, but I made sure I knew her friends,had all their phones numbers and got more involved with her life.
2007-11-19 01:37:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have him do work or else don't give him allowance/things like laptops, reward him for hard work and look down upon laziness. If you stop buying him things and cut off his allowance he will either have to start doing what you ask of him or get a job (which from the sound of it would be good for him). 16 is around the age he should start thinking about getting a part time job anyway so by the time he goes out into the real job market he will have some work ethic and appreciation for hard earned money.
2007-11-19 01:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by mtrettin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him some time to sort through his rebelliousness. And as for you, have the courage to be curious as to his resistance, but ask this as an equal.
The teen years are the most difficult with, especially if the teens are your children.
Be an interested peer as much as a parent. This will open many doors which SEEM to be shut between you two.
Above all, remember, communication is the key to working at situations toward a resolve. You are the oldest of the two : think back to when you were his age, and through that wisdom, recalled and learned, confront with objectivity that honours you and your son EQUALLY! your friend Grecia.
2007-11-19 01:56:56 · answer #5 · answered by skydancerwi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers are a hard case. If you try to reason with them they, especially at 16 have the attitude that you are old and in the way. To get through to him.....try to laugh about what you have done on the laptop and make it seem amusing.
If you want him to do chores there is a thing called conditioning. If he see there are rewards for performing a task, he will be more motivated to perform the chore. Rewards have a motivational aspect to them. Read about the scientific psychological physiology of teenage reward and risk behavior:
http://www.sciencentral.com/articles/view.php3?language=english&type=&article_id=218392370
2007-11-19 01:39:50 · answer #6 · answered by boworl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loud and clear, Dad!
Looking for appreciation from a 16 year old is like looking for a rib roast in a pea pod.
My opinion is that getting a big-ticket item for a son or daughter is something you two should have planned together...what his part in receiving/keeping it would be, finances=chores he would be responsible for in order to pay down the debt, etc.
My current advice is: The holidays are coming up...wrap the computer up and give it to him--no strings attached--and think about bringing him into the next large purchase.
Good luck!
2007-11-19 01:36:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Play Good Mom, Bad Dad--At sixteen, he thinks he's a man, and you know he's not. EVERY father goes through this, and I hate to tell you this, but many come to blows. You need to get your wife involved--this is the way that it worked for me--
My husband and son get in an argument for whatever reason--husband gets really loud--I stand by to 'intervene'--husband charges at son--I 'intervene' and send my son out of the room--husband gets in his car and tears out. I retrieve my son, and tell him he needs to go and pack a few things, no phones, no computers. We're leaving because I just can't take it anymore. We need to go far away where hubby can't find us. No, he can't ever see his friends or girlfriend again. The only way we'll be able to stay is if he promises to do as he's told, no arguments, and do his chores without being asked. Then his dad will see him as mature, and will stay off his back.
Worked great for all three of our boys, 32, 22, 18.
Good Luck!
2007-11-19 01:36:13 · answer #8 · answered by Cheryl P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he's just a teenager... This doesnt excuse his behaviour, although most teenagers are rather miserable... Secondy, teach him the value of what you just got for him. As a teenager, my mother made me WORK for everything I got, therefore, I took extra special care of it. And if there was something that she wouldn't buy for me, I would have to get a job, or save up my allowance. Either way, I had to earn whatever I got. Today, as an adult, living in my own house, and driving a car I bought, I value all of the material things that i worked for. Do yes, I think you should encourage your son to earn whatever it is that he wants.
Good luck!
2007-11-19 01:28:11 · answer #9 · answered by antiluv01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give him a reaction to his seemingly lack of caring. I think he is playing you and you're playing right along with his game. Depending on the severity of his actions, I always suggest taking everything away from an unappreciative teen. If he's got a room, that the door off. Let him see what kind of life he has and what he takes for granted. Let him earn the stuff back. Don't give him a single thing unless he earns it.
2007-11-19 01:27:59 · answer #10 · answered by Dave124 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he angry or something? I would totally love it if my dad bought me a laptop. Is he going through hard times? Sounds like you spoil him. I would be happy to have a dad like you. He just doesn't realize it right now, but you are good to him. Maybe try not to spoil him too much and he'll learn to appreciate the things you give more often
2007-11-19 01:26:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋