My mother in law told me today that she and my father in law wants to celebrate my sons' first BDAY?

Question

My mother in law told me today that she and my father in law wants to celebrate my sons' first BDAY?
I am not happy about this because I was looking forward to do this. My husband wants to take his parents side and let them celebrate the bday. I am not happy at all. what should I do. I have never heard of grand parents celbrating their grandson's bday. what should I do and is this normal.

Answer 1

What's the big deal?

Just invite them to the party you plan. they didn't say they wanted to buy him a car.......they just want to celebrate his birthday, for goodness sakes!

You should be thrilled the grandparents want to be involved with their grandson's life....not in a tiff.

Answer 2

You never heard of grandparents wanting to celebrate a grandchild's birthday? Most grandparents want to celebrate a grandchild's anything. You don't actually think they would just ignore a grandchild's birthdday, do you? I certainly hope you don't mean that you are upset because grandparents want to "celebrate" the child's birthday.

Do you mean they want to give the party?

My advice comes from after 5 kids and 6 grandkids. Let them give a party. I do understand that it is your child's first birthday - I totally understand. But you need to realize that a one year old has no clue. No clue on who gave a party - or why. Or will EVER have an issue with it later in life.

Let them go the expense on it. Let them do the work on it. You can take plenty of pictures to show child later. After a few years - it really won't matter who gave the party.

Or if you want to do it - instead of getting all riled up - tell them the party will be at your house and you would appreciate any help they want to give. You really don't want to make a big issue out of this. It's a case of pick your battles.

Trust me - in a few years - after a couple more kids - you will wonder what all the fuss was about. And you will be grateful if someone else wants to give a party. But by then, grandparents won't want to.

And I'm with "momwitha bat" -- don't make it a big deal. And yes, be happy grandparents want to be involved. Grandparents come in very handy at times - especially grandparents who are close to their grandchildren. Children need all kinds of people to love them and be there for them.

Answer 3

This happens, but in all fairness she should have consulted you not your husband since it's the Mother who primarily does all the event planning. I'm sorry your husband isn't supporting you on this, he obviously wants to keep the peace with his mother as she's used to getting her own way. The only thing I can suggest is to talk to him again but this time tell him that you already made arrangements and that she can have her party the following day. Remind him by appealing to his selfish side that the baby will get more presents, I really hated to say that but it might work. Good Luck to you my dear. Tell him that sometimes compromises have to be made and as Mother of the birthday boy, yours should come first. Talk to him after he's eaten a good meal, they're more liable to listen then rather than being hit with it when he comes through the door after work.

Answer 4

I would think it would be normal for them to want to be there and join the celebration. I never heard of anyone pushing the mother aside to plan a 1st birthday party. Your 1st problem is that your husband sides against you. I would plan a party and send them an invitation. Tell your husband his parents are invited but since you carried this baby for 9 months and gave birth you will not be pushed aside. I am sure your mother in law did all of the 1st things with her children why is it that you are not in tittled to do the same?

Answer 5

I take it by this that they want to throw the party instead of you? While I dont have kids I can understand that you would want to throw him his first party. At the same time you might want to take advantage of the fact someone else wants the headace of planning/organizing it. This would leave you free to enjoy the day with your son. If it really bothers you maybe you can let them throw a small party just for family and you can hold one with friends etc. Your son will have many more birthdays and as he gets older you will have alot more planning and responsibility. If I were you I'd be inclined not to burn any bridges as far as help goes with these activities. Someday you'll need someone to help make cupcakes for 30 screaming 5 year olds ;)

Answer 6

Not sure what you mean. Do you mean that they want to do all the preparation and arrangements and hold the birthday at their place? If this is the case, tell them sure, they can do that, but on a different day, because you have plans for his birthday. I would have thought that the usual thing is for the mother to hold some sort of celebration and invite the relatives and friends to the birthday. If this is what they meant - that they want to be invited to the birthday, then that is certainly normal and usual and it would be insulting to them, if they weren't invited. Can you be more specific?

Answer 7

Cmby has the right idea but if you want to have your own ask your MIL to have her party the day before and you can have yours the day of that's the way it works in our family of divorced families, no harm, no foul.
What ever you decide being at odds with your INL is the beginning of battle you don't want to have. In the end the everyone gets hurt especially the kids. Life is to wonderful to just mess up for something so petty, He will have many more birthdays and life sometimes is about making concessions. Good Luck to you and enjoy your son.
God Bless.

Answer 8

I would go on with your plans and invite them over. If not you are going to miss out on so many firsts with your son. Just let them know that you are the mother and that you are just as excited for his first bday and you all should celebrate together.

Answer 9

You just tell them that is wonderful and thank you so much, but that you have been looking forward to this and as a new mom it would mean so much for you to do it. Be polite and thank them, but just let them know you will do it. Tell your husband that as his wife and certainly hope he will stand by you and understand you are a new mommy and this is exciting for you and you really would appreciate a little understanding here. Then I'd buy him Dr. Laura's books. Quick! This is only the beginning if he doesn't stand by his woman. Good luck!

Answer 10

When any birthday comes up in my family every one is involved. this takes a lot of stress and expense off me and makes everyone feel equal. maybe suggest making a list of things to do and things to get an d sit with them, tell them how special it is for you to plan your sons birthday but you would like very much for them to be involved in the planning. Then you all select things each of you will do! it might not be what you really want but it may keep the peace without causing problems with your hubby either. Good luck!

Answer 11

Why not try to have a birthday party and invite ALL of the baby's Grandparents and have a really good family birthday party for your little son? I always included my parents in all birthday events for my children. Why do you feel so intimidated? Just tell them the party will be at your house. It IS your baby.