how should i tell him?

Question

okay....my boyfriend is black...and hes supposed to be purposing soon. very excited! however he said he wont purpose until i tell my dad about us. i dont ever see him, but its usually at least 3 times a year...but this year i only seen him once or twice and that was only at walmart but cousidence.
bc he left us when i was 3, and maybe three years ago, i was debating on whether or not i should move in with him and his wife. but we were discussing inter racial dating. and how he doesnt like it, and if i live there, i wouldnt be able to date any black guys. he says hes not racist and that he has black friends...but its kinda iffy to me. and i asked him why doesnt he like it cause i believe it doesnt matter what anybody looks like, it only matters whats in the inside. and before i tell you what his answer is to this question...my dad is lunatic...and i mean literal lunatic.....so he says he doesnt want me to be in a interacial relationship is because he doesnt want me to have .....cont..

albino children. can u believe that?? u hear how crazy that is?? and he really doesnt like interacial relationships....
however...i love my boyfriend and i dont care what my dad says about it i love him with my whole heart.
but he wont purpose until my dad knows about us.
so my question again is...how should i tell him?

to Fluff....his wife is just as crazy. but in a different way. i dont really trust her.
i understand that my boyfriend wants my dad to know...bc its kinda not fair to my dad...but then again..its kinda not fair that my dad left me either. my boyfriend doesnt want to do it, bc he feels that its not his responsiblity and that my dad would rather hear it from his daughter...which i also agree...

ryans mom..."wipe your hands of him like he did to you" that really hit me. very powerful statement...ill be pondering over that one all day tomorrow at work...thank u.

nikki...i love that statement..."those who matter dont mind...and those who mind, dont matter"
very encouraging.

Mrs. K im sorry...i didnt mean to spell it wrong....i was actually trying to be careful of my spelling...guess i overlooked that one.

CmBv...everyone else in my family knows and all his family knows and all our friends knows and all of is approval by it....its just that my dad doesnt know.

Dee...i love that idea and that movie. maybe that would make it easier for me to tell him.

Answer 1

tell your father you've met the man of your dreams, the one you plan on spending the rest of your life with. What difference does the colour of his skin make? If he doesn't ask, why tell him? And if he flys off the handle if you do tell him - you have done what your boyfriend has asked. Your boyfriend is probably thinking that this is something a father needs to know about. Has he considered telling your dad himself?

Are you able to talk to your dad's wife about this at all? Maybe she can help with this. Something to think about anyway.

Follow your heart.

Answer 2

Ok your in the same boot I once was will depending on your age /16-17, I would say tell your dad and move in with your boyfriend. Well I told my dad about my black man and he told me i got untill I'm 17 to get out of his house. So in 11 months I guess I'm packing and I can't really understand why people are this a why about the whole interacial relationship thing cause I look at it like this color is just a thing and as long as your happy why bother and black people feel and everyting just like everyone eles does and some people think blacks are animals but I dont and if there animals so is every one you get where i'm coming from? Well I hope you do maybe you can add me to your yahoo messagener or something and we can talk when I'm able to get online.

Answer 3

Sure tell him. It's his choice rather he wants to be in your life or not! Which it doesn't really sound like he's around much anyway.
I married a white man whose family did not like black people AT ALL, and of course we got pregnant right away! We were so excited and so was my family. (My family excepts everybody) His family, when finding out about the baby tried to pretend they cared and even sent a gift when I gave birth. They have never laid eyes on my daughter! And personally I don't give a Rats' *$$ if they ever do. At first I was very offended, But as time went on I have excepted that they will never except us (my daughter and I) As family.
When inviting my husband for Thanksgiving dinner, His dad said, You guys can come too, if you want. I kindly said Thank You and that I had "other engagements".
People will say and do as they please and you can't please everyone. Don't even try!
Live your life girl, and DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!
End the end.... Those that Matter won't mind, and Those that mind, DON'T MATTER!

I forgotto mention, We have been married for 3 and a half yrs now, and I have never personally "MET" his family. Only talked to them over the phone. They never have time for personal meeting they say...

Answer 4

First I didn't like that your bf put a stipulation of not popping the question UNTIL u told your "absent" dad about you guys. Maybe he wants to see how serious u are about him...cool I get it then, but look at things this way, you don't obviously have enough of a relationship with your dad that u c him so rarely, then hey slip it in the conversation like this: "So dad, hey what iws the reason why you left us when I was three? Well i HOPE my (Bf name) doesnt leave me like that, even though we are from different races." " Is it a white thing, or a man thing, come on dad, enlighten me with you words of wisdom!"
OR send him a copy of that movie with Ashton C. and Bernie Mac (Guess Who) with a engagement announcement, or wedding invite.

Answer 5

Albino children? Why would he say a thing like that. Well, don't be disrespectful and maybe take some flowers or something. Find something they have in common. My father and father-in-law both play golf and although they don't see eye to eye at all, that calmed thins down a lot. You could also take him to one of his favorite places and tell him. Somewhere he wouldn't dare make a bad impression or embarrass himself. Do you know what I mean? Let him know you understand how he feels, but you are an adult and you would like his support. Hope this helps!

Answer 6

I would tell your dad even if he don't like it. I mean I know how it is to have a dad like this mine is the same way. I have cousins that a part black and part white but yet my dad disowned me when I got pregnant by a black guy and my dad claims that he's not racial. Tell him and then don't worry about what he thinks and move on with your life and forget about him if he loved you to begin with he would have never left you.

Answer 7

Whatever issues your father has it obviously matters to you and your boyfriend. If I were you I would explain my concerns to your boyfriend and let him know exactly what he might expect from you father. Then, i'd sit down and have a discussion with your father and basically tell him "I love my boyfriend and we are making plans for our future. You need to accept him b/c he is a part of my life."

If you cant have this conversation with your Dad then you will always have problems with your bf. How would you like it if he hid you from his family for whatever reason? I would be very upset if I was thinking about marriage and my bfs' family didnt even know about me.

If you are afriad of your father you certainly shouldnt live with him & you should have other family members who know and apporve of your bf with you when you tell him. This wont be easy but, if you care about your bf it needs to be done.

Answer 8

Congratulations, your dads a racist! My best friend said she didnt believe in interracial dating, and i was her best black friend (who happened to date white guys) Yup, you guessed it, even though she had a black best friend... she was racist!

I honestly dont know how to handle this situation. I say discuss it with your boyfriend and perhaps he'll change his mind about the level of importance your fathers acceptance of him really is. Who knows? Maybe he'll sweet talk you're dad to death and change his even racist ways! (dont laugh, i've done it... three times!)

Answer 9

You know what? Who cares what he thinks. He didn't care enough about you to see you more while you were growing up so he has no right to tell you who you can and cannot date. Tell him that you are dating a black man and that if he cares to come and see your kids when you have them he can just keep his bigotry to himself. If he cannot abide by your rule he is totally out of your life. Wipe your hands of him like he did to you!

Answer 10

Tell your Father and then let him make the decision as to whether he wants to be part of your life or not.