My friend has chosen my 2 best friends to be in her wedding but not me?

Question

I have a group of four friends. We are close and see each other all the time. One is getting married late next year. She has asked though only two of us to be bridesmaids, leaving me out. I feel upset and snubbed but am also understanding that it is her wedding and her choice. However, I still feel upset at the thought of the three of them all being in the wedding and on the day me being seperate. I don't know why I have been excluded and I don't think I should ask because I don't want to carry on but it still hurts a lot - I thought we were really close. What should I do? I feel like at the moment I don't want to see any of them because I feel too embarrassed at being excluded.

Answer 1

Very simple...tell her you were surprised she didn't ask you and offer your services in any way she needs you. There's probably a reasonable explanation and she may very well be just as worried about hurting your feelings.

Answer 2

OUCH !!!!

That would hurt SO much.

And you are right .. I wouldn't want to see any of them either.

If you say anything .. it could just cause lots & lots of bad feelings .. and cause a mess while her wedding is happening .. so even though you are hurt .. it would be best not to even say a word.

This will not be easy for you .. but .. if you can .. just keep quiet .. let all the wedding procedures happen & get over with. The whole time of everything .. YOU hold your head up .. put a sweet smile on your face .. and go along. When it's over .. it will be over, and done with. And you will have got through it being a great person.

It may be your friend's wedding .. and she certainly is allowed to have it her way .. but since the 4 of you are close .. and see each other all of the time .. it is really tacky of her not to include you in some manner. There is some part of that wedding that should could put you in.

Try not to let it hurt you. I know - that will just about be impossible. In life - you will discover that people will often fool you & surprise you, with the things they do.

Remember this ... "this too, shall pass". And it will pass. And .. in the future - you may be even given more closure about the reason.

Just do all the right things .. even though your friend has not spared your feelings .. you just hang in there.

Don't let any of them know what you are thinking .. and what you are doing. Just hold your head up high .. and go forward.

I know you can do this. It won't be easy .. but it is possible.

Answer 3

Whether you're the center of the universe or the odd one out at a wedding means nothing, what is important is that you are putting yourself and your feelings ahead of your friends. Now think this through, because I think your cause and effect are backwards. See, you're demonstrating selfish, envious behavior, and I maintain that you do it enough to make you the least likeable of the group. So naturally, the envious selfish girl is going to be the first one excluded, and that is you. You don't use your feelings of insecurity and jealousy to get the things you want from your friends. You use your loyalty and character, and then issues like this won't crop up. The more desperate you are to be part of the group, the less the group wants you.

So show up to the wedding, not mentioning a word of insecurity, smile big and tell everyone how happy you are on that day. But you don't feel that, do you? All you feel is exclusion for yourself rather than joy for others. Get it?

Answer 4

I'm sorry... this is kind of an awkward situation. I can definitely sympathize with you, as I have had several close friends that have gotten married and I have never been asked to be a bridesmaid. My friends tended to choose their sisters and their one closest friend... and their one closest friend was never me.

Your friend may be limited by the number of bridesmaid she wants... not everyone wants a large wedding party. Perhaps two is her desired number, or perhaps (like others have suggested) she is obliged to include sisters or cousins as well. It's hard to tell why she chose the other two and not you. Has she known either of them longer than she has known you? It is important to some brides to have people in their wedding party who have been friends with them through various stages of life (for example, the best friend from elementary school or the college roommate), even if those friends are not as close now. Have either of them played an important role in her relationship with her fiance (like introduced her to him or talked her out of breaking up with him)? Maybe she just does feel a little closer to them than she does to you. That doesn't mean she doesn't think of you as a good friend.

I don't think this is something you should ask her about. Just be the best friend to her that you can. Let her know you are willing to help with the wedding in any way she needs. If you act happy for her instead of jealous of the other girls, you are more likely to be included in any wedding-related conversations, parties, or shopping days.

NOTE: Looks like someone came through here on a thumbs-down spree. The only person who didn't get a thumbs down was the one who didn't properly understand the question. Hmmm. Curiouser and curiouser.

Answer 5

Maybe you can ask her how you can help in any way for her wedding. Tell her you really care about her and that you want to do something special for her. That might give her an idea that you are hurt and she might offer you an explanation.

Then, as much as you can, be happy for her and be a good friend. If she is not excluding you from anything else, it may just be an issue of not having enough space for another bridesmaid.

Answer 6

I have had things like that happen to me with my friends, and I agree that it hurts very much.
Speaking from my experience, I would say that the girl who didnt ask you doesnt see you in the way that you see her, and that you thought she returned. That doesnt mean that the other 2 dont recripocate your feelings. In my case I didnt say anything, and in some ways I now regret that, as the passage of time didnt change the situation, and perhaps prolonged the suffering. If I was doing it again I would explain my feelings of attachment to my friend, and my feelings of hurt, and try to understand what she is thinking. Either it will be a misunderstanding (I dont think so), or you will at least know to move on from that friendship. It would be hard bringing this up to your friend, because she might get upset, you could put it in writing to give her time to think, but she may not even choose to respond. All I an saying is save yourself prolonged pain by finding out now. When you speak to her be sure to let her know you recognise her right to choose who she wants as her bridesmaids, its your feelings and relationship with her you want to discuss.

PPS - after writing my answer I have looked at some of the others and I think candleins answer is very wise - your friends excluding you could be a sign of her shortcomings as was later revealed by her divorce after 6 months and 4 later divorces.

Answer 7

I felt snubbed by a bride a few years ago-there was a group of 4 of us, and she didn´t ask me to be in her wedding.

Well, I got to the wedding, took one look at the bridesmaid´s dresses, and thanked God I wasn´t asked. It was black satin with a white shawl, and was hideous.

Try to look on the bright side-think of the money yoú don´t have to spend, and go out and buy the prettiest dress you can find for the wedding. Heck, buy yourself some nice shoes too-bridesmaid shoes are normally hideous.

I know how you feel, and have been there myself, but put on a big smile and act as though you´re not upset. Then have the BEST time at the wedding in your pretty dress.

Answer 8

I totally understand how you feel but it is something that you are going to have to deal with and not let it hurt you. Realistically , you can ONLY have a certain amount of people in a wedding and there are always some people who feel "left out:. I think the best thing to do is to be really involved with the wedding and offer your help to the bride. And on the day of the wedding, wear something you look totally great in and be happy your not in some ugly bridesmaid gown, having to take all those damn pictures! Good Luck and just SMILE

Answer 9

i imagine previously we call the newlyweds tacky, the question I have is what did those 2 do to be excluded from the reception? There ought to were something finished that disillusioned the bride and/or groom. at the same time as did they enable them understand they were no longer invited? If previously the marriage, i'd take the loss on the tux and stand them up! If after, wow! Why???? There are continually 2 aspects to the tale. once you %. your perfect answer are you able to let us know extra? (in basic terms curious!) Or flow decrease back now and upload extra assistance. How unhappy for all and assorted!

Answer 10

I know exactly how you feel. My little sister is getting married in a few months and didn't ask me to be in her wedding but yet asked if my 4 year old son could be the ring bearer. I married 5 years ago and made sure to include her because she is family and she was one of my bridesmaids but NO she decided to snub me for her wedding. I AM FURIOUS!! and thinking of telling her to find another ring bearer. Sound childish? It does but I am sorry you can't do that to family or good friends. Good luck!!

Answer 11

The same thing happened to me last year when my cousin got married. She asked her sister (of course), her childhood friend, my dear cousin, and my bratty younger cousin, but made no move to ask me until weeks later, after I listened to weeks of them chattering excitedly. I'm fairly sure someone else backed out, or that her fiance' had thought of another groomsmen, so it was just as bad being asked last as it was to have not been asked at all.

Now I'm the bride, and because I didn't want to make that same cruel mistake, I have six bridesmaid for a supposedly small wedding =) My advice is to talk with her. If she really is your friend, she'll listen, understand, and even explain her reasoning. Perhaps she's felt you two have been growing apart, or she had to cut corners on how many attendants she can afford. Is she paying for the dresses, or are the girls? If she is, and that's the reason, offer to pay for yours.