Does anybody have any tips to help my 10 year old son control his anger?

Question

He is snaky and angry all the time. I think its probably his dads and my fault. When he was growing up we worked on a roadhouse full time and didnt make enough time to spend with him.

He was very difficult as a child and we were quite hard on him, we think now this was the wrong way to handle things. We used to yell at him a lot when he was naughty and now thats the way he handles things. I feel like we are responsible but now we just want to help him.

I have taken him to counselling, they told him to take 3 deep breaths when he is angry but he says he cant, its too hard.

He is nasty to his brother and sometimes there is just no talking to him.

If anybody has any suggestions i would greatly appreciate it.

Cheers

My son plays several sports and does guitar lessons (all things HE wants to do). He has a pretty full life.

I did NOT ever let him get away with temper tantrums and i have never smoked. Thank you to all people who have given me positive feedback.

Answer 1

I'm sorry, but some medication might be in order.

Answer 2

He's 10! That means you don't have much time to turn this around before he's a teen and our of control! He's angry because he's used to needing anger to get attention. Each of you need to give him time every day to talk. Time alone with each of you gives him an opportunity to say the things he's feeling and thinking. Give him some other ways to get your attention when he really needs to say something. Maybe even something like a word or a hand signal (like a time out signal) he can give when something urgent needs to be discussed. The yelling has to stop too. It's bad for you and your husband too. It raises everyone's blood pressure and makes difficult situations more difficult to resolve. Family counseling would be a good thing,. Sometimes the school or other group offers it so it's affordable if that's an issue. Really take advantage of anything you can before it becomes a serious problem for him. Teen years are hard enough without this on top of it.

Answer 3

I would apologies to him and explain to him that his choices, which were influenced by your poor parenting abilities are not the answer to dealing with his anger and communicate with him and ask him what type of outlet he needs, until he develops the necessary maturity to be able to "handle" issues in a more appropriate manner. Sometimes we do the best we can and sometimes the best we can just isn't enough. I'm guessing that his peer group is rather small and that he spends most of his school time consumed with the stress of whether or not people are talking about him, which unfortunately will lead to failing grades and more anger. Don't give up on him he's worth the struggle . I know you'll be in my prayers good luck

Answer 4

It sounds as if his parents should have had anger management. lol Take 3 deep breaths when you are like a grenade to go off? No surprise he can't do it. If you feel that you are responsible, admit it to him. Tell him you love him and that you are sorry. That is good for yourself also. When he has had an attack make him put a nail into a piece of timber. Then tell him that you will give him some money towards something he likes to have for every nail less in a month or 2 weeks.

Answer 5

My son is now 18 and he was a very angry child. But my first suggestion is that you need to quit blaming everyone else. I know you probably don't want to hear that, and it seems that you were away from him alot. But All children now a days are difficult, pressers from school, and life in general. It isn't like when we grew up. Things are soooo different. He needs you so don't give up on him. All children are naughty in there own way and I think you should spend some one on one time with him, I have 3 children, my oldest is 20, my son is 18, and I have a 14 year old daughter from heck but I will not ever give up on them, I don't blame their father, I have never talked bad about him, but he never came to see them or wanted to see them, and I am not blaming him, but I think if he would have been a supportive part of their life's things would have been different. I think no matter what your son needs you, and you need to be there for him, make time for him, do things he wants to do.

Answer 6

He's only ten if you don't take control yes he is angry tell him to go to his room and take five and write down what he is so angry about. If he refuses there is a consequence, you choose, no tv, no video game whatever, and stick to it. And he still has to go to his room on top of the consequence. It won't take long, he may be playing on your feelings of guilt, don't think he hasn't picked up on it, children always know what is going on.

Obviously he also needs anger management where you break down your feelings and why certain things get you in this rage, you know, face it and own it, then you are empowered to recognizw it and refuse to give into it. It all takes time but so worth it we have enough angy youths out there as it is. Good luck and cudos for recognizing that your child needs help, so many can't be bothered. Peace.

Answer 7

What you should do is teach him constructive outlets for his anger. This is a process that will not happen overnight. Teach him by asking him kindly not to call people names or yell. Sometimes, especially at first, he will need to yell just to get the emotion off his chest. What you will try to do is get him to solve the problem by identifying the source and talking logically and coolly about it. He will need to see you using your anger constructively before he will make any good changes himself. The book "The Five Love Languages of Children" is good. It is a Christian book, but the religious points can be ignored; it is still a very good book that includes a chapter on teaching your child to positively release anger.

Answer 8

Yelling isn't the best because he will assume that's the way to get things done. My mom is a fourth grade teacher and she has suggested some of these:
HAve a contract with him. If he get angry he has to do something (like wash dishes, or make cookies for the sibilings).
Stay calm when he gets angry. The good old term "that is not going to get you what you want" actually can work for kids this age.
Talk with the school counselor. They may have additional ideas, expecially if you ca get the teacher involoved. They see your child's interaction with students and can assist with promoting the positive behaviors.
good luck - you're a good parent to see that there is an issue. So many parents look past that!

Answer 9

Your boy needs some discipline. I agree that martial arts classes will help him burn off the aggression and teach him self control. Sports in general will help him burn off the excess energy. Coaches will not put up with any insurrections.

You have to be the parent, which means you must use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect. You only have a few years before he will be too big to handle. The quicker you work to get this under control, the better.

If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. If you have to take away prized possessions (computer, I-pod, video game), or ground them, that is fine. You do what you must to get the point across. Try to keep in mind this phrase: "what would have gotten through to me at this age?"
Treat a brat accordingly.

As the mama, you are the ultimate authority in the household and if the mama ain't happy, then NOBODY is happy.

Answer 10

He needs an outlet for his anger, maybe some Karate lessons, if you can afford it. Have him write his feelings, have him do something with you together as a family, show him you love him, but do not smother him. Being raised hard does have it's pitfalls, but if you show him you love him and want to help him, he will fizzle out with time. Just don't let it get too out of hand, don't push him to go to counseling if it's really not helping, and absolutely, positively NO MEDS unless they are really needed!

Answer 11

Try getting him interested in a particular hobby, or if there is a youth center in your area, that might be a good way for him to calm down. If he has anything to keep himself busy, or a place to go to relax, that might help. At this point, my opinion would to step back for a while, from the parent point of view, and try to get through to him as a friend. Try not to put too much parental pressure on him for a while and see if he would change his ways if he treated as a friend. Sometimes that "confuses" them and makes them think a little, instead of trying to go against parental authority. I am saying this out of personal relations with my 15 year old son. We get along so well on a "friendly" level rather than on a parent/child level because this leaves things wide open, and there is also a comfor level for both of us. Again this is from personal experience, but you never know. It just might work or at lease help a little.