When is a good time to start a family?

Question

A lil background of us
My hub is 23, im 19-20 in june, been married a yr this dec. lived together about 3weeks marred and then he had to leave.
Hes in the Air force but doesnt plan to make it a career, He wants kids like crazy-hes in iraq right now
but Im more hesitant on the idea.

so I wanted to ask when is a good time to start a family in everyones opinion

would it be wrong of me to have a baby this young and be trying to go to school, and him gone about 7 months out of each year for the next 2 - 3 yrs
he really wants kids

Answer 1

Since your husband is in Iraq, he probably has some concerns for his own mortality, which could be why he is so urgent for children. I can't really comment on that consideration, because that's not a situation I've been in. Apart from that, though, I'd say wait until you two have had a chance to live in the same house together for a couple of years. You will grow and change a lot, individually and as a couple, in just a few years. Children are wonderful. I have two, with a third on the way. My husband and I married later (I was 34 and he was 40), so we only waited a year before getting pregnant the first time. Although we have no regrets, and we have a strong marriage, I must be honest and tell you that children will change your relationship. In some ways, having children can be a test to your relationship. My husband always says, "Having children will rip the selfishness right out of you." It's true. It is life-changing, and it's for keeps. I love it (having children), I recommend it, and I wouldn't change my life for anything; but I'm so glad that I waited and had a chance to experience other aspects of life first. It made it easier to settle down without feeling like I was missing out on something. Incidentally, I probably wouldn't have waited as long to get married and get started on it all if I'd had a chance to do it sooner; but I'm glad it worked out this way.

Answer 2

the iraq thing is what jumped out at me. Once guys have seen action, they come back a different person. The mental health toll it is taking is horrific...if I was you, I'd want my family to be at a more stable settled point before taking on something so huge. Wait until this whole thing finishes up and he is back for good, and see if he is the same person. You need his full support when you start parenthood together, and you need to be sure he's taken care of first before the two of you can partner together on something like bringing life into the world. You're so young, I would say if you focus on school and supporting him for the next few years, probably in 2 or 3 years is a great time to start trying.

Answer 3

a good time to start is when your ready being a parent is a lot of work and i suggest dont do it until youve got the money and everything...... i dont think it's wrong but just not a wise choice i mean your so young my friends bro did that and he dropped out of school being a mom is a full time job dont do it until your ready!!! 7 months is a long time thats more than half the year ballancing a baby and school and taxes and bills and the house doesnt that seem like a lot maybe hold off for a while and do it when your no hesitant bc that's when your ready and can handle it!!! GL!! HOPE THIS HELPS!!!

Answer 4

You are really young and it is good that you are thinking ahead. Men are not good at considering all the angles... they also have a tendency to get their women in over their heads in this way. Better to wait until he gets out of the military and starts working in a civilian career.

Babies are a heavy 24/7 proposition... not to be done by one woman alone. If you are abandoned 7 months out of every year, that would be miserable because you would be home-bound.

The military is not kind to families. First of all, military training tends to make the men more aggressive which tends to break up marriages... it takes a couple of years after they get out to be human again... this is especially true of Army and Marines.

I will recommend getting your education completed so you can support a family FIRST. In this way, you can assure that your kids will be fully supported no matter what. You can have healthy babies well into your 30s.

Answer 5

My opinion: Don't rush into having kids.

My husband and I got married young (mid-20s) and we had almost 9 years together to get to know each other and really build our relationship together before having kids. [Of course, I did wait until I had good health insurance before having a child too. ;-D ]

Kids can be very tough on a relationship and it sounds to me as though you two haven't had too much time together to have built that yet (with him being gone due to his job).

It is very tough to be a single parent going to school and raising a baby (which is basically the situation you will be in a good deal of each year for the next few years).

I hope you will be able to concentrate on school and really be able to find out what you'd like to do with your life.

I have seen many other people have kids soon after they get married, and it appears that it makes it easier for them to get separated (and lost from each other).

[If I didn't know any better, I would say that your husband might be insecure about being away from you so much and wants to tie you down by having a baby.]

I really hope you and your husband can build a good relationship together before getting into having children. It is a full-time commitment for both parents - my husband is wonderful with the kids and I know I couldn't do it without him being there everyday.

Peace & take care,
Deb

Answer 6

their is no right or wrong answer for this question. the right time when or if to have a family is when your ready. if you are at all uncomftorable with the idea of kids or starting a family or have any doughts than dont do it.

i believe when you decide to have kids you should have no dought in your mind that you want them and no dought that you are ready to be a parent.

you will know when you are ready, and by the looks of it, it seems you are not ready. you husband may want a family but you may not. it seems like their is more on your mind than kids right now and it sounds like you are unshure. and their seems to be a lot going on with both of you in both of your lives right now. like this is not the time for you to have them.

as for the age foctor, i dont believe their is any age where it is right or wrong to have kids. its just when ever your are ready. i believe you need to be financhially and emotionly ready and responcible enought to have kids. also kids are somthing you should have because YOU want them. not because some one is forcing you or presshuring you to have them. if you are at all uncomfterable than don't, the fact thatyour asking other people if you are tells me you aren't even close because no one can answer that question for you except you. if you fell you are ready and it is somthing that you want than go for it. i would think about if this is something you want and if this is something you wnat to do and think by yourself and think long and hear and take your time. it is a choice that should not be made over night. and remember you are still young, you have plenty of time to start a family. you dont have to decied now.

i personally have no kids and want no kids. but if i were to have a baby. it would'n be because my boyfriend pushed me into it, or my family. it would be my choice and if i could handle it. thant my advice hope it helps.

Answer 7

Wait until you finish school at least. If he's on active duty and you're trying to go to school and run a household, guess who's going to be left raising the baby too? I've seen this happen to a couple of friends of mine whose husbands are military and they both ended up really resenting their husbands over it. You have plenty of time to start a family, but once you start having kids, it's not about you anymore ... it's all about the kids.

Answer 8

I tell my kids not to have kids until you can't think of anything else you want to do as a couple.

Kids change your life, You need to be looking for a change in your life before you have them. They don't just "fit into your free time"

Take your time.....kids aren't an idea. They are living breathing responsibilities 24/7 no matter what you have planned.

Answer 9

Since you will be the one primarily taking care of the baby for now, the decision should be yours. You sound hesitant, so I think you should wait. You are very, very young and so is your husband. Get settled in your marriage first.

Answer 10

The circumstances as stated by u, the decision is also rest with u as ultimate it would be Ur responsibility to care of Ur child. you examine all prions and cons and take decision.However u still young may delay Ur decision for couple of year.
good luck