Can I Be Strong Enough?

Question

I'm sure this question is asked many of time on here but i am in such a rut i really need advice. I am 24 years old, I do live with my mother, mostly she cant function on her own. Serious alcoholic, codependent, realies on others to do for her but still fronts to her friends and other relatives that she is both the Father and Mother and some loving being. I cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the horse, sheep, many cats, 2 dogs, try to buy food for the household while working a job that is a physical strugle and have yet to be appreciated by her. I am waste of life in her eye bc of being gay and i will have no "man" to realy on. She has been married 4 times. I dont think she has a right to say that. i do things to help her out and put down everyday for it. I am a total upset to her. I could go on for days about how bad it is. But i dont have it in me anymore to even get upset with her. i put on a front as well to hide the pain i feel. HELP!!!

Answer 1

I am probably going to answer your question quite differently than most. You are 24 years of age and gay. You don't have any life at all, at this time and I think you should change your thinking.

Because you are born to someone, doesn't make you a doormat for them. You have to decide to get on with your life and figure out what to do with your mother.

She has no right to talk to you the way she does, nor does she have the right to control your life, the way she does.

There should be a gay community that you can connect with, to help you get through the next little while.

Go to either relatives, church, welfare agency and tell them that you have to move out and you want your mother to be looked after by someone else. Don't feel guilty. You can visit her now and again, and probably will have to put up with more abuse - however, You have to make a decision and only you can make it. You can still give her something for support each month, if you choose to. You can stay positive and take what she dishes out to you, as long as you are not living with her and taking abuse every day/
I see that you mention that she has friends and other.relatives. Good there you have it, let them look after her and do not take any garbage from them as to what THEY feel your duties lie. Under the circumstances your duty lies with yourself, because if you cannot grow under her roof, then you can grow elsewhere. The rest of your life depends on what choices you make now.

Good luck and let me know what you choose for yourself.

Answer 2

First I want to tell you you are a great dauther Be very proud of yourself but its time to move on O K I lived with a alcoholic and they are all the same Very manipulative selfish and they lie faster than your eyes can blink I know those words are tough but I have to tell you this In taking care of your mother you are just encouraging her in her destruction and alcoholisim It willn be tough to move out of the house but you have to do it Start this week looking for a appt but not near your mothers place Choose a appt at lease 10 miles from where you live because if you are living close to your mother she wil be always at your place Warn your relatives that Dec the first you are moving out Dont worry for your mother because I know lots of alcoholic who are living alone and they are not dead And god made you lesbian and dont be ashamed of it You will have your own life just like heterosexsuel Even if you are not a religous person ask God to help you And if HE doesnt help you well it want hurt you I am wishing LOTs of courage I hope I could help you more but its the farthest I can go By

Answer 3

Honey... she is mentally abusing you, and in order to maintain her lifestyle of having you fully support and clean up after her, she will continue to brow-beat you. You are her enabler. This is about control. She will use you until you are used-up.

You need to get out of there and get on with your own life... period. Start by getting rid of the animals. Tell your mother that you have to move on, so she had better get her own self in gear. Save your paychecks and go find yourself a small apartment near-enough to where you work... you need to put a deposit down. Do not leave any contact information with your mother, who will only harass you to get you back under her control.

If your name is not on the loan/lease for the house, just walk away... it isn't your problem.

You need to contact the local United Way Agencies to get help for her. She needs to access the system for treatment. If she is disabled, she needs to get assistance for that. If the house is too much for her to support, she needs to sell it and move to smaller digs. She is not your problem.

I just helped a woman divorce her whole family... she was literally working 2 full-time jobs to put money in their pockets. I told her where to get some legal help. She now looks 20 years younger!