i love her and i care about her cause she is my mom... i am 25 years old and she has just caused me so much pain that i can't even forget the things she did.... i don't know what to do... is it wrong to feel hurt? inside me is this guilt feeling because she;s my mom... but i am really hurt by her words and actions.... i am an only child and my dad died when i was 18 years old. basically it's just me and her. i am really confused. i am deeply hurt but at the same time i am feeling really guilty, what to do?
2007-11-18 13:38:50 · 11 answers · asked by lovingyouforever 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you have every right to feel being hurt and if theres any guilt its on her, cuz children must come first and parents are supposed to protect and love their children not to cause them pain.
Im in the same situation, same age as yours but since I got married and left parents' house I stopped talking to mom, this is the way, you should never let anyone treat you even one step lower that what you deserve.
2007-11-18 16:42:18 · answer #1 · answered by Ginie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 27yrs. old and I totally feel for you. I compleatly understand the guilty feelings and the love that is always there just because its your parent and the only one you have, however if its not a healthy situation for you than you need to do what is best for you. I was raised in an extreamly abusive home and my dad was still puching me out when I was 21. I just started talking to them again after almost 4yrs. and although things still arn't great, he knows now what I'll put up with and what I won't. I'm not sure the hurt ever really goes away but I have over the years I've gotten a certain amount of acceptence of the relationship for what it was and is. Take the good from it and run with it. You can let this (I know) almost unbearable and over whelming emotions run your life and way you down or take control and do something good for you, hobbies, school, work. I hope you have other good, supportive people around you. To quote someone very dear to me, "you can't fly like an eagle if your flocking with turkeys" and it sucks that sometimes those turkeys turn out to be parents. Have faith, it gets better!
2007-11-18 21:59:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well like you said your mom is your mom and sometimes moms think they can get away with things that they have done and not need to ask for forgiveness and you don't ever have to forget the things she has done to you but you do have to forgive her.
My own mother was not around all that much she and my father got a divorce when I was about 6 years old and my father got custody. When I did see her she would say lots of mean things like how chucky I was or one of my sisters and would be mentally and phsycally abusive to us. I remember one time and this is gross I didn't want to eat my sandwich all gone and I threw it out well my mother dug it out and tried to make me eat it of course my other sister stopped her.
Later on it seemed everytime I was to got there there would be more fights and with us she never agreed with any of my descison. So I backed off and lived my life and grew without her. And when I got married I started to rekindle our relationship and it seem to go well until she just up and moved away but this time over 24 hours away.
But you Know what its ok because I know what a real mother is suppose to be, not her!
I know your hurt and stuff but really what did you do to feel guilty. She is your mom not the other way around. You get on with your own life and if she can't handle that you need to talk to her and if that does not work you put her behind you and move on your a grown women!
2007-11-18 21:57:28 · answer #3 · answered by CrazyH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom and I had a talk about the VERY same subject matter....the hurtful things she would say and do to humiliate and crush me in front of family members and my friends.
When I had had enough, I confronted her. Then she turned everything around, made herself out as a martyr, and made me feel guilty for insinuating she was a bad mother......
You know she made a lot of mistakes, and words can not change that.
So it's up to you to let go of that anger and negative energy, and not let her get under your skin.
Set some boundaries with yourself. Do not allow her to belittle you, or tell you the choices you make are all wrong. Tell her she lived her life the way she wanted, and now it's your turn to live the way you want, either with or without her being in it.
2007-11-18 21:53:32 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel guilty, if things have hurt you growing up there's nothing you can do about but work through it. I know it has to be hard dealing with it b/c it's your mom. Keep in mind you only have one biological mom life, no matter what might have happened in the past-LOVE HER. I think maybe you guys should try counseling together to talk it out and resolve some of the issues you have with her, you never know she might've been dealing with her own issues and you just happen to be there to get the brunt of it. Not fair I know but it is a possibility. Good Luck
2007-11-18 21:47:48 · answer #5 · answered by madeam3 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As Dear Abby would say, if keeping a relationship with someone who has done irreparable harm to you is causing you pain, then you should terminate the relationship. Don't keep it just out of obligation. But it's important you communicate why to her. She's probably oblivious, and even after pointing out how she's hurt you, she may still be or become defensive. You may need counseling to get over it, or if you choose to continue a relationship with your mom.
2007-11-18 21:43:36 · answer #6 · answered by A nobody from Oklahoma 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to feel hurt, get a little seperation from her and then work on forgiving her. Realize that she is falliable just like you and me. Give her a second chance. Over time you just might be able to work out a more equal and less damaging relationship. I had problems with my mom and now we get along fairly well, but it took time and changes on both of our parts.
2007-11-18 21:45:47 · answer #7 · answered by Future Citizen of Forvik 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family is often the first set of obstacles we have to overcome. Cut yourself some slack for cutting yourself loose from an abusive situation. Not everyone who has children should be rearing children. Move on.
I would suggest that you start by building a family to your own liking from among your network of friends.
I recently coached one woman through divorcing her whole family... now that she cut herself loose, she looks 20 years younger.
2007-11-18 21:50:07 · answer #8 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A parents love is unconditional, no matter how bad the pain they still love you and they should always be some sort of safe haven. I would try to talk things out. Family is very important.
2007-11-18 21:54:11 · answer #9 · answered by Jeccy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear don't think in negative,mom is mom,she must be in depression due to loss of her husband.Sometime out of frustration men/women choose to some wrong to their keen only,don't be hurt by those words and try to forget,don't feel guilty,things will settle himself at appropriate time when your mother will realized own guilt.Mom is only one who care for her children irrespective of his age,status etc.......................
good luck
2007-11-18 22:11:45 · answer #10 · answered by GargVK 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋