I am awaiting a breakup call help with how to counteract?

Question

I was with my girlfriend of about 5 months last nite out drinking towards the end up the evening I got extremely pissed off because she was cozing up to some guy. In hinesite I know there was nothing to it however I got extremely jealous. Made a scene in the bar and argued with my g/f back at her house. I said some very mean things that I cant take back. I used the "C" word and that is one word that a man should NEVER say. Long and short our relationship has been rocky due to my neediness and due to her having a 5 year old autistic child and just leaving her husband back in june.
I know she is calling to break it off with me, i'm sincerely completed crushed at this point with the pain that I put on her verbally. I cannot eat, nor sleep, no accomplish any function due to being in the deepest of depressions. You see I care about this women extemely deeply and truly can't stand losing her. I'm already falling apart and the "call" hasn't come just yet tonite. Any advice how to bring back

Answer 1

It would appear to me that you have an issue with control and self esteem. You could likely continue to experience rocky relationships if you don't take the time to understand why you are unstable in relationships and possibly other aspects of your life. Apologize for your behavior and accept the blame for what you are contributing to sabotage your relationship, but then do something to rectify your problem. Start seeing a counselor, or reading some self help books. No matter what you say, your actions are going to speak louder than words, and your actions seem to be bringing on pain for not just her but yourself. It is okay to feel unsettled if she appeared to be cozy with some guy, but how you choose to address it is very damaging, and that comes from a lack of self esteem. Once you understand why you lack the self esteem, then you will become aware of it when it creeps up, and better deal with it.

You have to learn to control your own behavior instead of trying to control your girlfriend. Let her know that you had a few drinks and you jumped to conclusions because the alcohol does alter your mood. Let her know that you are going to do some self exploration to reign in your emotions so that this doesn't happen in the future.

Answer 2

You may not be able to undo this if you're sure she's going to break up with you by phone, but just the fact that you think this is about to occur could be part of your problem. You're already mourning a death that hasn't occurred yet. Last night you reacted jealously to something that, by your own admission, you knew there wasn't anything to, and let it escalate into an argument later in the evening which amounted to sabotaging your relationship over nothing. Man, you're your own worst enemy. Do you have any idea at all why you sabotage your own happiness like that? I ask because until you face and conquer that tendency in yourself you're going to repeat the same self-defeating pattern again and again.
If it helps you, women don't usually breakup over the telephone so you're probably safe from that aspect, but that doesn't mean you're in the clear. But if by some stroke of luck you do manage to dodge this bullet this time, do your damndest to get a handle on this situation right away. You'll be very happy you did. Remember: jealousy is never about love, but about insecurity. Good luck, man.

Answer 3

Why don't you call or text her and let her know that you know you were a jerk last night. Tell her you realize you have been needy and the past, and if she would consider giving you another chance, you will be better. It does seem that since she just broke up with her husband AND has an autistic child, she might not be ready for a serious relationship right now. Tell her you'd be willing to be a supportive friend for right now if that is what she needs, and if things are meant to be, they will become more serious in the future. Good luck!

Answer 4

You: relationship has been rocky.
Her: autistic child and recently separated from ex-husband
You: The rebound guy.

Stop waiting for the call. Call her and apologize. Both of you sound like you have WAY too much pressure in your lives. Sort out your own lives (and using the "C" word issues) before you involve yourself in someone elses life. The fact that you say you are in the "deepest depression" makes you a candidate for some space between the two of you.

Answer 5

You are in a tough spot. If she calls to break up, thank her, accept what she says, and move on. Even if you're able to convince her to hang on for a while, a bad idea, she'll throw last night's episode in your face every time you have an issue, if not directly, then as a foundation for whatever decision she may make in the future. As for you, you may want to seriously check in to some sort of anger management program. Anger is OK, but you have to watch how you express it. You didn't do very well.

Answer 6

You can try apologising for your behavior, and language. You behavior, she might excuse, but using that nasty word?...I doubt very much if there are any women in this world who will forgive that particular insult. In the unlikely event she does forgive it, she'll never forget it.
I'm afraid I don't have too much sympathy for you, since this has resulted from your own rash behavior, namely jealousy. You obviously didn't think, or were under the influence of alcohol ( reasonable to believe since you were out drinking), and you allowed your behavior to get out of control. Granted your girlfriend's behavior may be somewhat questionable, but even so, calling her the "C" word, along with other very mean things probably broke this deal into a million pieces. So, if she does call you to tell you to get lost, face the music,and get over it.

Answer 7

I don't mean to be mean as I am a lot like you, I get real insecure and jealous, but I have learned over many years, as long as I am quite needly inside, no relationship works out, so even if you pleaded to have it back, it would probably still be rocky, They say we only attract someone that is as happy with themselves as we are with ourselves, so join the human race, a lot of people feel this way but don't admit it.

Answer 8

dont be too pushy but tell her how much u care about her.tell her how the reason y u were jelous is because u care so much and u want her all 2 urself. tell her 2 try and understand caring about some1 that much. I think she'll reconsider since she jst left her husband and she needs comfort and stuff like that. by the way i think it is wonderful of u 2 stay with her even with her autistic son becuase not 2 many ppl are man enough 2 do that.

Answer 9

Oh damn...the "C" word. We can all overcome a lot of stuff but the "C" word is degrading. I don't know at this point. I think all you can do is apologize over and over. The problem is, she's been married before and obviously knows that guys can make promises not kept....you better get on your knees. I'm sorry - not trying to be negative but I have an ex-huband too who "apologized" tooooo many time.s

Answer 10

Call her. Apologize sincerely for saying the things that you did. If the relationship is bad anyway though, I'm not sure what's worth saving. It doesn't sound like either of you are happy in the relationship, so cut your losses. Good luck!