How can i tell if my lecturer wants a proper friendship/relationship, or if he's being sexually manipulative?

Question

I take a class at uni with a lecturer about 20 yrs older than me. He is a very encouraging teacher to all us students, but to me, he seems to pay me special attention eg. leaning in to talk. He has even found an excuse to touch me in class, just a playful shoulder massage action, and once on the small of the back when i was going upstairs. I can't read him. I have developed a great respect for him because he is a great teacher, and think he may have some great personal qualities. I think he may want to start a friendship so we can see where things go, but I can't tell. In an e-mail to me on a class topic, he managed to slot in about four compliments. He hasn't really overstepped any boundaries, but i can't shake the fear that maybe i'm being manipulated. I want to get to know him better, but want to be cautious. Do you think that a lecturer paying one student special attention, with lots of compliments could be flirting? How can i tell if he's a manipulator? BTW i'm 27, he's late 40's

Answer 1

You can't. The bases or fundemental difference between a manipulator and a teacher is INTENTION, you idiot. Man I want to slap some stupid people, but you being 27 and thinking any sort of relationship with a lectuer is a good idea, shows just how purposeless, emotionally unattuned and lost you are. So I'm torn between just telling you to do something with this guy, so you can feel how much of an idiot you are, and just telling you so I can feel proud of myself for brow-beating another one of my fellow sister/brothers for being an idiot, I like doing that. But I digress, your still most likly living in a fantasy world were love can conquer all, and that something magical and special COULD come out of this. I hate to be the one to bust that bubble, considering how good of a job god does with it just on his own, so lets explain this bit of moriality. Relationships in the professional realm (And that means lectures to and espaically PROFESSORS) are the most foolish, most selfish, most idiotic ideals ever possible. Its like a boss dating a co-worker, its cute for comedy, but in reality its always going to end tramitically. Think of it this way, he is in his 40's and he is trying to flirt with a 27 year old, so unless your ugly, this is just an attempt to take advantage of your naive nature and your inability to have a purpose with meaning. So its unfair, its a perversion of his place of authority, and your inability to relate with anyone your age. So nothing right about this in any shape or form. Just two little kidds, playing like their in highschool, when they should be playing bigger, deeper games. SO no one answered your question, becuase this is instinctually understood, for you not to feel this would mean, you've been touched, sorry to say that but 27 feeling any sort of attraction for a 40 year old past curiousity shows that you've had that feeling before and have nutured it over time, because they seem more in control. Sad again, but all that aside, your feeling right, this sort of behavior is pretty immature. And a 40 year old not being able to confront someone they MIGHT even have feelings for, is even more pathetic, so really its your choice, your life, but personally, seems just foolish to care, but alas, I get the feeling, there isn't much else going on for you.