How often and why would you "ground" your child? I have a 9 year year girl who repeatedly uses the words:

Question

"I don't care!!!!!" when we ask her to comply with a rule, such as a bed time or something like that. When I asked her to go to bed last night and she refused -- I really got angry at hearing this phrase again! I've grounded her for the week: which means that she cannot go over to a friend's house...go shopping....go to an early morning child care program before school that she likes. What do you think about "grounds"????

Answer 1

If you take away things she likes because of non compliance to rules then she should realize that changing her behaviour gets her priviledges back. If you do it too much though and ultimately give in to her then she will quickly figure out grounding has no meaning. Be firm....if she is still behaving the same way after the grounding period is up don't give her back the priviledges and tell her she will be allowed to to her friends houses, etc. once she stops the negative behaviour and not until then.

Answer 2

well for my kids grounding has no effect at all cause we kinda don't go anywhere anyway and sitting on their bed doesn't work to crash either, and the phrase i don't care well you know she does, what my mum used to do to me many moons ago when i was that age was,
your grounded for 2 days and i'd do the whatever thing and the smarty bum my mum was would say ok lets make it 3 then, and would go up from there but the grounding i got was not just no mates over or going out, noooooo she made me wash up and wipe, and fold, help clean the house, no radio, and no tv (meanie) but it worked and i had to apologise which might i add works for my boys (the apology)
and today i suppose its take the i pod and computer and whatever else is fun, grounding means no fun.
start her off with a two day grounding and go up from there and see how much she doesn't care then and add a job to the list everytime you go up hahaha it won't last long. (my longest was a month and to the day)

Answer 3

My daughter tried saying that when I sent her to her room...once. I told her that if she told me she didn't care when I disciplined her, then her punishment would be to remove something she DID care about. And I listed a few things she would be devastated if I banned her from doing - activities she has done for years, which she loves and considers an essential part of her life. She went white and has never said it again.

If grounding doesn't work, do something else. No TV. No books. No video games. Whatever is relevant for you and her.

Oh, and a nine year old would not "refuse" to go to bed in our house, or they are carried upstairs under their dad's arm, dumped unceremoniously on their bed, and told there will be consequences if we see them again that evening, unless they are ill. Things like that should not be a discussion. You are the parent, you set the rules, refusal is not an option. Just make sure that the rules are there for a reason, and that it matters that she complies with them. Pick your battles. A reasonable bedtime is definitely one worth picking.

Answer 4

Well I am the mother figure to my fiance's 5 kids (4-girl,6-boy,9-girl and 11 year old twin boys). I do most of the grounding. I've grounded them over coming home late, disobeying. Hurting other people or siblings or even me! I ground them for at the least 4 days and at the most two months(not that we've had to go that far, but that's what me and my fiance agreed on). We are always grounding one of the twins. Those are all good things to do for groundinmg. I'd also have her do stuff around the house.I probally ground everyone but one of the twins once or twice a month, but not that often. But one of the twins is always on grounding. Good luck!

Answer 5

it's so hard sometimes, isn't it? make a chart or whatever will work for you, and instead of punishment, reward the good behavior. tell her that if she gets "x" amount of stars in a day / week she will get something special. don't make it high dollar or anything like that. just a small special treat you know she would like.

sounds like you've taken everything away and it's lost it's effect. make sure you take away the thing she loves the most and on down.

then every time she does anything remotely close to helping you or obeying, immediately give her a star. i promise if you reward good behavior quickly, she will turn around.

when my daughter was a little younger, i used clothes pins. i gave her one for just about anything. if she didn't do something i asked, i didn't get mad, i just said that'll be 2 clips. for infractions, i took away 2. i tried to make it so that at the end of the day she had won.

one time she was so out of hand, this was before the clothes pins, i took away her class trip to the zoo. i had already signed her up and paid for it, so i think she didn't think i would follow thru. she was the only one who didn't go. she really straightened up for a long time after that.

at that age i think a week is a long time to take away a privilege. do it for a day or maybe 2. it loses it's effectiveness when it's a long time.

best wishes

Answer 6

Grounding is what works best in our house. Unfortunately, we all hear the words "I don't care". I've learned the only way to have grounding be effective is to STICK TO IT. If she is grounded for a week, then keep it for the week. Also, it sounds as though she may be a little spoiled if not going shopping is part of getting grounded for a week. At our house its no video games.

Answer 7

A child at this age is starting to see if they can call the shots. They are learning to be the boss. It is a part of the learning process for them (ad for you!) Even so you have to set rules and discipline them.

Remember when setting rules and handing out discipline that you should make it reasonable. Yes it is fair to ground, but perhaps instead of making it for a week, try making it for two days. Generally it is easier for both parents and child if the punishment isn't over done.

Remember to not use empty threats!

Perhaps sitting down and talking to your child about how they are feeling, why they are angry and how they think they should get this message across to you.
If you teach them how to talk to you and how to problem solve it is heading them in the right direction. Want you don't want is a yelling match between you and your child. Remember that you are the adult and you are the one who needs to stop the arguing.

Answer 8

Grounding is a way to take away from freedom until they learn some manners. However if she likes being at home as much as somewhere take away some of her freedoms at home such as TV, video game or other rights. That will get her attention. Many parents have great results with positive rewards too. Some kids are crazy about stickers on a big handmade calendar and other simple stuff (or something else she may collect whatever young girls like these days). On her good days, give her a reward such as that as well. These Nanny TV shows often use these sort of tactics with spectular results with kids who are really rotten sometimes. Good luck!

Answer 9

Personally, I think you might be going at the problem from the wrong angle. Maybe your daughter says "I don't care!" because she doesn't know how to tell you what she wants. Maybe she wants to be given attention at bedtime and tucked in, maybe even have a little chat or a story. However, she feels like she's too "old" to ask for it and it makes her frustrated and angry.

When my kids do behavior I don't like I try to do two things: 1. I try to think about how I would like to be treated if I was a kid, and to remember that sometimes it was hard to say what I felt and wanted.

2. When possible I try to give more attention when the bad behavior crops up because it is usually an early warning sign that something is not quite right in their world. For example, I prefer 'time in' to 'time outs.'

'Time in' means they are stuck with me. If I have something I really need to do that can't wait, they do it with me or near me. Otherwise, they get my full attenion doing whatever they want for as much time as I can do it. You might think this is a reward for bad behavior. I have found that even a four year old will prefer to have the freedom to play by herself once she has been reassured of her mother's love.

Regarding words and phrases you don't like - we have words we 'aren't allowed to say in our house.' Those words include: stupid, hate, idiot, crap and so on. When one of those words is spoken, I calmly say, "We don't say that word in this house." And then I drop it. I don't respond to the word. Occasionally, I will insist that the speaker give an apology, but they usually do that without being prompted.

Finally, if you do insist on a punishment for some infraction, be consistent. Generally speaking, they need to know you are in charge and they can trust you. Of course, if you say something totally silly, like "If you do that I'm going to ground you for the rest of your life," please apologize and let them know that even parents make mistakes. My kids respect me because they know I'm human and can apologize to them once in a while when I mess up.

Good luck. She's probably just going through a rough patch and needs a little more TLC.

Answer 10

I say do what ever works. If she responds to grounding - great!

I have a 10 year old, she gets grounded for similar attitude. However if the "I don't care" came after I grounded her, she'd have gotten her bare tush spanked. So don't be afraid to ground, your not to tough, tell her she's lucky she doesn't have a mom like me, lol. Our thought is, better to get the spanking in before teen years. This way it kind of lays the foundation