I wrote it last night. it's kinda unfinished, it doesn't sound finished, but i was struggling to think of any last lines. almost all the poems i write end up unfinished.
You found me swinging by the neck
In your favourite tree
And it was Autumn,
The leaves swirled around me.
The colours red and brown
A sunset-gilded rain,
As the leaves fell to the ground.
You cried for me again.
And i was slowly swaying
In the crisp and cooling breeze,
The noose gently creaking,
Like the branches of the trees.
2007-11-17 21:11:51 · 11 answers · asked by pullthetrigger 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
ok i'm sick of the whole emo thing. it's known as having depression people! hence why i put it in mental health, rather than in 'cultures and groups' or whatever it's called. when i'm depressed i vent it out by writing poems or drawing!
2007-11-17 21:23:34 · update #1
Crystal_cutter - ooh yeah that works, gives a surprise ending then....ooh i like it. :)
2007-11-17 21:39:07 · update #2
i would change the first line to 'you found me swinging' THAT way (sorry caps lock) you save it for the end and makes the ending really good (and finishes it btw!!) also please remove the AND's they are very jarring and stop the flow of the poem (just the two that start sentances)
2007-11-17 21:29:39 · answer #1 · answered by LBB 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Asker!
Read this poem!
May be somebody is still waiting for you!
Always think about the persons surrounding you,
before deciding to do some important thing!
Hope that may help you in your time of sadness and depression.
Good luck!
I'll Wait for You
You can say goodbye
turn and walk away
but unlike you
I will stay.
I promised I'd stay here
and wait for you.
no matter the consequences
I'll pull through.
No matter what it takes,
I'll let it all free,
Just to hear you say the words,
say you love me.
Nakhoma.
2007-11-18 05:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds emo..
I think its finnished enough, I've seen poems that makes no sense get published... but I like how it seems nice then surprises you with the last 2 lines. I say its done.
2007-11-18 05:17:19 · answer #3 · answered by gj_dan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh how you wished you saved me.
I think it is a bit dark for my taste but not bad. I hope that ending might help give you some ideas.
2007-11-18 05:15:46 · answer #4 · answered by Alan T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done. I really think it's finished. I am a big fan of E.A. Poe.
2007-11-18 05:23:38 · answer #5 · answered by Bob Dylan ♪ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it,i hate it when people go on about emo,you can't write happy happy when you don't feel it! it reads finished to me it would be ruined if anymore was added.
2007-11-18 06:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by alittleminx01 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
beautiful - evin if its a bit emo... just a tad
lol
it sounds finnished to me.
2007-11-18 05:15:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't use the word "and" too much
it makes it out of fantasy. lol
2007-11-18 05:14:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeh but its like sad.
2007-11-18 05:33:00 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT!!! its ok but a little depressing,,,,
2007-11-18 05:15:26 · answer #10 · answered by McCanns are guilty 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋