Other girls on his brain....?

Question

I get upset when my bf goes on and on about other girls with his guy friends in front of me when they look at pics or see women out in public. It makes me feel oblivious to him when it comes to other women. I don't do that to him when I see an attractive man, which is hardly ever. But he acts like this shouldn't bother me or if he wants to flirt with another girl then it's ok. The thing is that I'm not a big flirt especially when I'm in a relationship. I really see no point in it. Of course it can be fun, but it's not fun when you see your man surrounded by gorgeous girls and a mile wide grin on his face while you stand by yourself. I put a pic of a hot guy on my desktop and it bothered him despite him having a girl on his desktop. His excuse was that he's a guy, but it's no different for girls. Guy think it's not big deal to flirt with girls even though they aren't going to hook up. But they get defensive when the girls starts that ****. I just wish he wouldn't do that in front of me.

One reason he flirted with some girls was because his friend was playing a gig and he was trying to get them to dance on stage. But he didn't bother to ask me to dance up there until after he flirted with other girls. So i didn't know what was going on. Then he jokingly said that I was ruining his game. I told him that he doesn't see me flirting or hitting on other guys. Whenever guys flirt with me, I don't flirt back. I appreciate compliments. When I am with someone I flirt only with them. I am confident in myself and happy with the man I am with. I don't need other men to boost my opinion of myself. It's nice to feel wanted and I feel that way with my man, but not when he has to get the attention of other girls to feel good. That's what I'm for. That to me is insecure and selfish. I did change the pic on my computer to one of him but he still hasn't done the same. It's one thing to say that you are into someone yet have actions that being to contradict the words you say.

Answer 1

He shouldnt get mad at you for having a hot guy on your desktop, keep it. He sounds like hes unsure of himself, so he flirts to get the attention from other girls, its an ego booster. He shouldnt do it in front of u that is just rude. You need to tell him how it makes you feel.

Answer 2

♥sweetie, it shouldnt bother either of you...i can look at a pic of a girl and say"yea,she is hot" and its the same with a pic of a guy...if its flirting,when i do it, i am sssoooooo sarcastic,it makes me laugh,and im fine with my guy doing that, we have trust, and his excuse of"im a guy" should get this reaction from you"and im a female, so im attracted to males,you are a guy so you should take it and not be such a lil drama queen or i will pull yur man-card"if the whole pic thing bothers you guys,then your just insecure,you and him both...honestly i would say grow up a lil♥ and i must say, looking at pictures doesnt constitute cheating,its perfectly natural and there is nothing wrong with it...i hate cheaters more than just about anyone, i mean they are up there on my list right below rapists&pedophiles,and right above crackheads...but come on, pictures? thats weak-sauce, but if it bothers you that much, ask him not to do it, and you do the same in return,give&take...if that doesnt go down, then tell him to choose:you,which is real, or fake-azz pics? sometimes i ask my man about pics of girls, like"do u think shes hot? would you f her?,etc" and he always says "no, because i want you,ya shes hot but youre hotter, yea but i would rather f you baby " stuff like that♥ its all about maturity levels♥

Answer 3

What are you looking for?


Do you still look at every girl and guy (also known as persons)


i Simple asnwer is no. You don't even notice average looking girls or average looking guys for that matter. I think that you have focused on only girls, for that matter only attractive girls. You probably don't even see guys you probably only look for girls.


I think that if you are spending more time worrieng about your man than you did worrying about other girls this problem would dissapeer. I promice the girl that is trying to take your man isn't looking at you.


That's right. When you got your man the only thing you were thining about was how much you wanted him.....Well if that's how you got him why don't you think that's how you will keep him?


That's exactly how you keep him.


Men don't want jeolous women. They don't want WIINIE women. They just want their own women. Their own confident cocky sexy viberent woman. And you are that. You only started Wyyyning when you had him. Trust me you were happier when you first had him. And that's what made him choose you. So what makes you think that that's not what he's looking for not?


Just do that. Be sexy, selfish, and yourself. Quit changing. Do what you would do if you were the woman you THINK he is looking at. TRUST ME HE IS STILL LOOKING (BUT NOW HE'S LOOKIG AT YOU). he cant help it.

have found that my sensitivity to my boyfriend's flirting -- and my worries about his ex-girlfriends hanging around, the girls he calls his friends, etc -- has gone up a lot as we have dated longer. This leads me to think two things: 1) as I grow more attached and fond of him, I know I'd lose more if he were to leave me, and thus really, this is all in my head -- and 2) as our relationship grows and changes, from being a flirtatious, fiery fling that satisfied all his flirting needs to a solid, caring, mutually respectful relationship, his innate need for a little mixing it up has resurfaced. So, it's part reality, and part invented.


That realization has helped me take a step back and think: what is actually going on in this situation? His coworker just flirtatiously batted him in the arm, and he smiled back. What would I have done in that situation? It's helped me to understand that his love for me is different and deeper than his flirtation with other women.


It also helped me express my worries to him. I asked him, for example, "objectively, did you think you were flirting back there?" and he was able to think about in in a way that was removed from my feelings. We talked about what behaviors look suspicious to me, and what look suspicious to others. We have been able to find a compromise that doesn't limit his ability to talk with women and be friendly -- the subjectively hurtful stuff, which I am able to overcome now -- but prevents him from behaving in a way that is outrageous.


The one thing I'm hearing over and over in these comments, however, is women expressing their needs and their men getting defensive and accusatory. That is, to me, a sign mostly of bad communication. Women, how are you expressing your needs? Are you doing it in a nonviolent, non-accusatory way? If so, if your men won't hear you talk about your feelings, you've got a different problem in your relationship -- and it's not about the other women.

Answer 4

Wow, I wish I were dating you! But not all guys are like that. When I'm in a relationship I do NOT EVER flirt with other girls. The point of a relationship is to be loyal and faithful to that ONE person you are with. If he wants to flirt and be with other girls, then dump his sorry *** and let him do it. You honestly deserve someone better who treat you with more respect. The point of a relationship is to be happy, not upset.

Answer 5

I don't think that people who aren't ready to settle down ought to have committed relationships. This would save people so many problems and has no downside. You date multiple people, you don't commit, there's no jealousy, no hanging on, no breaking up, no drama. Just fun times. Whoever you're out with tonight has no idea who else you've dated because you don't discuss it, and you're not joined at the hip 24/7. Don't you have anything else to do with your free time, like read a book, alone? You should dump him and date other people. When you get your career going then start looking for Mr. Right.

Answer 6

You need to talk to him. And tell him that you feel like you're disrespecting you. And everything about how you feel about it. My fiancee used to watch porn when we first got together and he'd mention stuff about it and about some of the things he'd done with his ex's or that he knew he's friends had done. I talked to him and he stopped it. I asked him to stop because I wasn't very experienced and because I felt that as long as he was talking and fantasizing about those women that I wasn't good enough to be in one of his fantasies. He doesn't watch porn anymore after that one talk. Except when we occasionally watch it together, which that's only happened like twice (I find it either really funny or just plain gross. ..lol) Be completely honest with him and you'll be surprised just where it gets you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

I'm assuming that he's young. Guys just plain old do that. It
doesn't mean that he'll act on it. And it doesn't mean that
he doesn't feel that you are attractive.It also doesn't mean that you have to alter yourself to get.bit#hy and reciprocate by
pointing out every nice guy's butt that passes by. After all,
he did choose you to be his girlfriend. Or rather... and here's
the big one.... are you ready... YOU CHOSE HIM to be your
boy friend. Are you sure that you want to be treated this
way? And if you don't, mention it to him. If he is not going
to change, maybe you want to change Boyfriends.

He's not going to change. And you aren't chained to him.
Good luck g/f!

Answer 8

He's a sexist. Keep your hot guy pic on your desktop until he changes his. Don't give in or he'll think he's running the relationship.

Answer 9

The best thing for you to do, would be to talk to him about it. tell him how it makes you feel.That you dont like it when he flirts with other girls.And if just says "ho im/dont worry about it" You then need to step up and tell him how much it bugs and that if you started flirting when guys that it would bug him as well.
Good Luck!

Answer 10

um....the picture on my boyfriend's desktop = me.

The picture on my desktop = him. sometimes me -and- him.

A solid relationship isn't littered with "other girls." You are THE girl. And he isn't realizing this. I know it's easier said than done, but I think he needs to be replaced by someone who values and respects you.