Is this wrong to say to my boyfriend? I want lotsa answers,so please read and give me your opinion.?

Question

I have been dating a guy for 16 months. We are really serious and want to get married sometime. Right now I am living with a family and I don't like it. I am wanting to move out and get my own place, so I can have more privacy. I have have lived with these people for over year. They have two kids and they get really annoying. Anyway. I told my boyfriend 2 to 3 months ago, that if I didn't know for sure that I was getting married next year, and I gave him until Dec. 31st 2007 to decide if he wanted to get married or not then I was moving out and moving in my own place. He wants me to continue living where I am because it is rent free. I feel that he has been dating me long enough to decide if he wants to get married or not. There is no reason we can't. He says it will save us money so when he decides that we can get married we will have extra money saved up. He has been telling me he loved me since a month after we first started dating. Was I wrong to put a time limit on it?

I am 25 and he is 32. I have had my own place before and I love the privacy. My boyfriend also has his own place and a roommate and I am pretty sure, that he is just scared of making his roommate move out and get his own place. His roommate is an immature 22 year old. I have told him I don't want to put my life on hold just because of his roommate.

Answer 1

Yeah, I think you can be rushing ir from his viewpoint. Real love WILL wait 4-ever! My b/f wanted to marry me after dating for less than 4 months, but I told him he had to get to know me and my mood swings. Perhaps your b/f wants to give you something EXTRA special that he can't afford yet; or maybe he has an area picked out that he'd like for you two to live in but needs more cash/credit. Be a little more patient, 16 months isn't a long time yet. (We've been 2gether over 17 yrs now, and married 15.)

Answer 2

I have read in magazine articles (can't think which ones now) that it is perfectly fine to give a time limit. Don't be a B**** about it, but just put it out there, and then stick to it. You have your own life to live, and if he doesn't want to be a permanent part of it, he needs to decide. That said, 16 months is not too long to go without being engaged. It all depends on how old the both of you are and how mature the both of you are. Another thing that seems pertinent here: how stable the financial situation is. Trust me, I got married before I was financially ready, and boy was it a pain! Still working it out and paying off the credit card debt. If you are financially ready to go it alone, go for it! It does sound like you need the privacy.

Answer 3

I don't understand what the time limit has to do with you moving out. Why can't you move into your own place while talking about marriage? If you do get married then you can start living with him. If your concerned about being stuck in a one-year lease on an apartment and you get married within the first few months, just sub-lease it. Maybe you didn't explain the problem well because I don't understand how this is a complicated situation.

Answer 4

Before you make any move.....make sure that you are doing things for the right reason.....not just because you want to move out of this family's house. In a way, your bf is right, if you are living "rent free" for now....save a lot of money, for both of your future. I don't think you should have given your bf an "ultimatum"....when a man is ready to settle and get married, he won't let you rest until he gets an answer from you. Most guys don't like to be put in a situation like that one, it will make them lose interest, they feel pressured. You have been dating this guy for a year and 4 months......give it more time. Or, if you want.....just move out, but do it for your own sake, not for anyone's else....you have the right to your own privacy......good luck

Answer 5

Yes, you were wrong. That doesn't make it a deal breaker though. But unless you have a ring on your finger, I wouldn't take his "us saving money" too seriously.

After all, you are saving money, not him. The important thing is that you are happy. If you are spending all your time with him and just park your clothes and stuff there, it doesn't matter where you live. But if you don't, then you need to find your own place for privacy....you won't have to share a bathroom, the TV or the refrigerator and would be free to run around naked all day if you want to. Like the MasterCard ads, this is priceless!

Answer 6

He is right about the money. If you can live rent free and save as much as you can, that is awesome. Not many people have that advantage. I tried putting a time limit on my husband and it didn't work, cuz if you love him and he loves you, it will happen....eventually. When you get married and buy a home, you're gonna realize that having all that saved money was a life saver. One tip though, try living with him before you get married, cuz you'll learn a lot about him, and he, you. Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 7

Most people (guys included) stress out with the thought of a large sudden change. instead of putting a time limit on him you should tell him that you want privacy and not a place with a couple of kids running around.

He'll apreciate the honesty and he'll try to see your side of it.
Remove the dealine though (just say that you overreacted but still want to get a place and get married soon)

Answer 8

You don't have to stay there just to wait. Saving money rarely happens, so just move out and keep seeing him until nothing's happening. I'll tell you one thing, having your own place or one with a friend is great. I think every woman should (if she can), have their own place before they get married or move in with a guy. You'll love it!

Answer 9

in my opinion i think it is a little wrong to put a time frame on him like that. just because you may be ready to get married does not mean he is ready. when you get married there is so many comitments youhave to make and he may not be ready for that just yet. you should let him go at his own pace even if you think he may be wrong. every guys and women are different some are ready to make that comitment and some are not ready.some people date for up to like three years before they ever get married. but my suggestion is that you guys first move in with each other before you guys start talking bout marriage. just because you guys can deal with other sometimes does not mean you guys can deal with each other all the time.

Answer 10

No. But don't rush getting married either. Obviously if he has not made plans or moves for your future together, he is not ready. Just make sure you don't pass your life by waiting on him. Get yourself together and be prepared to move on. Being seperated from each may put your relationship in a whole new perspective.